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Being who we are, even if FOO is different and doesn't like it
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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 672887" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Were the sisters born this way? Was it birth order, intrinsic personality traits? Could it have been different, if it was squelched? I do not remember it being squelched, is it my perspective in my memory of what happened, that the onus was on me to "just ignore it?" Like Cedars Mom "Just don' t think Cedar", but the message I got was "Just don't feel, Leafy"</p><p>Huh</p><p></p><p>Kick the dog. Don't dogs have a pack order? Alpha. Were our sisters trying to establish themselves as alpha?</p><p> I am Switzerland, so I will be a Bernese Mountain Dog.</p><p></p><p><img src="http://vignette4.wikia.nocookie.net/dog/images/d/df/Wiki.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20110727205237" alt="" class="fr-fic fr-dii fr-draggable " style="" /></p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: #006600">The Bernese mountain dog is an easygoing, calm family companion (that is, after it leaves its adolescent stage). It is sensitive, loyal and extremely devoted. It is gentle with children and often reserved with strangers. It generally gets along well with other dogs and pets.</span></span></p><p>I am pretty good with strangers, like my mom, people just come up to me and start talking, like they know me.</p><p>I digress.</p><p> This sounds very appropriate for you Copa. Huskies are awesome, and I would have another in a heartbeat, but feel it is really too warm here for them.</p><p></p><p>We had a husky pup for a short time, she fell ill, allergic reaction, after receiving her shots <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/felttip/brokenheart.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":brokenheart:" title="brokenheart :brokenheart:" data-shortname=":brokenheart:" />, then crossed the rainbow bridge,</p><p>She talked, she said clearly "I love you". And "Hello". I miss her. Tootsie.</p><p></p><p>Ahem.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Will it be a nip, or a big bite?</p><p></p><p><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/2012/furious.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":furious:" title="furious :furious:" data-shortname=":furious:" /></p><p></p><p><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/cool_dog.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":cool_dog:" title="cool dog :cool_dog:" data-shortname=":cool_dog:" /></p><p></p><p></p><p>I was bit by a German Shepard named "Pal" (of all things) when I was 8. I needed 28 stitches. "Pal" was my Moms best friends dog.</p><p>Ouch.</p><p></p><p>Copa you are too, funny.</p><p><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/Graemlins/rofl.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":rofl:" title="rofl :rofl:" data-shortname=":rofl:" /></p><p></p><p>I see myself drifting in and out of loving Attilla but despising her actions and ways. One fighting over the other, "I shall change how I speak with her," to "Why should I have to change what I am, for her sake? Weren't you doing that your whole life Leafy?"</p><p></p><p>[MEDIA=youtube]hx3a1B5WJ3c[/MEDIA]</p><p></p><p>I have this same battle going on in my mind about my d c's.</p><p></p><p>I guess it is the ebb and tide of life, the moon phases, how my day went. Or is it hormones?</p><p>I wish I could be more constant. Dang hot flashes.</p><p></p><p>Maybe it is this "crabbing" Frankl is talking of.</p><p></p><p> Except, I will look at it as a sailboat traveling upwind to its destination,having to zig-zag and tack.</p><p> Instead of the plane fighting the crosswinds by drawing the course above the mark,</p><p> I am zig and zagging to get to the goal of radical acceptance.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Zig- idealism, zag-realism.</p><p></p><p><span style="color: #ff0000">Big ZAG</span></p><p></p><p>I was looking up sibling rivalry and emotional abuse, and I found myself really, really angry at Attilla, again.</p><p><a href="http://outofthefog.net/Relationships/SiblingAbuse.html" target="_blank">http://outofthefog.net/Relationships/SiblingAbuse.html</a></p><p></p><p>Then I said to myself "Leafy, you have every right to feel angry and sad, these things really did happen to you."</p><p></p><p>And they did. Not to the extent some have suffered. But I was very uncomfortable as a child and teen, nay say, miserable in<em> my own home</em>. I did not like myself, I thought there was something wrong with me.</p><p></p><p>Then Attilla began to seek my friendship when I was in my twenties. But, it was still on her terms.</p><p>Then later on.......</p><p>She talked much about our family when my dad was ill, how she did not like that we didn't <em>communicate</em>, that things seemed superficial, that mom never looked at the whole picture, always covering over things with the 50s "keep your sunny side up, smile though your heart is breaking attitude."</p><p></p><p></p><p>She described it as so Stepford Wives. </p><p><span style="font-size: 12px">(By the way, I thought this clip was perfect, because everyone is talking about holidays, and how we are affected.)</span></p><p></p><p>[MEDIA=youtube]mW42lBPbuTc[/MEDIA]</p><p></p><p> My mom is not a fake, prejudice or superficial person. </p><p></p><p>Really, maybe my mom had achieved radical acceptance? She is even-keeled and giving. She is Attillas biggest backer, accepting her for who she is, explaining away her idiosyncrasies. </p><p></p><p>Loving her.</p><p></p><p>At the time, of my dads illness, (when sister Attilla insisted he be shipped in to the city causing mom and brother to drive so far to visit) she wanted us to work things out, be a noisy family, talk it over, yell, fight, to be "real". </p><p></p><p><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: #ff0000">Big ZAG-</span></span> realistic- We would talk over the phone and we became "close", or so I thought.</p><p>All along she was triangulating, drawing me closer to her, and speaking against my brother and sister, even my mom. "I am <em>right", </em>she would say. "They don't want to confront the Dr.s, so I will. I will be Dad's advocate."</p><p>Huh. I was Switzerland, trying to smooth things over between everybody, and making excuses for Attilla.</p><p></p><p>Bam, hit me over the head with that one.</p><p> <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/2012/fishbashsmile.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":fishbashsmile:" title="fishbashsmile :fishbashsmile:" data-shortname=":fishbashsmile:" /></p><p></p><p>Now, she has come full circle, she doesn't really want to talk about things, be real, have people say what they feel. </p><p>Well we can, as long as the mindset and conversation suits her. Huh. Even if I am sorrowful over my moms condition, my getting upset and expressing myself offends her, <em>my tears are not allowed</em>.</p><p></p><p>We have come back to "Just don't feel, Leafy"</p><p></p><p><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/groooansmileyf.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":groan:" title="groan :groan:" data-shortname=":groan:" /></p><p></p><p>So <span style="color: #0000ff">BIG ZIG- </span></p><p><span style="color: #000000">I have decided to hold back that part of myself, for now. </span></p><p><span style="color: #000000">What is the sense of it? Knowing that it gets me nowhere?</span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000">Is that a zig or a zag?</span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/Graemlins/919Mad.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":919Mad:" title="Mad :919Mad:" data-shortname=":919Mad:" /></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000">Maybe it is a zag-realist.</span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000">I do not know anymore.</span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000">What makes the sisters this way?</span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000">How do I preserve and maintain relationship, or even, should I?</span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000">Zig-zag, zig, zag</span></p><p><span style="color: #000000">One day I will know the answer.</span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000">For now, I will keep on sailing upwind.</span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000">Thanks for letting me vent, or rant, </span></p><p><span style="color: #000000">or bark.</span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000">WOOF!</span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000">Leafy</span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 672887, member: 19522"] Were the sisters born this way? Was it birth order, intrinsic personality traits? Could it have been different, if it was squelched? I do not remember it being squelched, is it my perspective in my memory of what happened, that the onus was on me to "just ignore it?" Like Cedars Mom "Just don' t think Cedar", but the message I got was "Just don't feel, Leafy" Huh Kick the dog. Don't dogs have a pack order? Alpha. Were our sisters trying to establish themselves as alpha? I am Switzerland, so I will be a Bernese Mountain Dog. [IMG]http://vignette4.wikia.nocookie.net/dog/images/d/df/Wiki.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20110727205237[/IMG] [SIZE=3][COLOR=#006600]The Bernese mountain dog is an easygoing, calm family companion (that is, after it leaves its adolescent stage). It is sensitive, loyal and extremely devoted. It is gentle with children and often reserved with strangers. It generally gets along well with other dogs and pets.[/COLOR][/SIZE] I am pretty good with strangers, like my mom, people just come up to me and start talking, like they know me. I digress. This sounds very appropriate for you Copa. Huskies are awesome, and I would have another in a heartbeat, but feel it is really too warm here for them. We had a husky pup for a short time, she fell ill, allergic reaction, after receiving her shots :brokenheart:, then crossed the rainbow bridge, She talked, she said clearly "I love you". And "Hello". I miss her. Tootsie. Ahem. Will it be a nip, or a big bite? :furious: :cool_dog: I was bit by a German Shepard named "Pal" (of all things) when I was 8. I needed 28 stitches. "Pal" was my Moms best friends dog. Ouch. Copa you are too, funny. :rofl: I see myself drifting in and out of loving Attilla but despising her actions and ways. One fighting over the other, "I shall change how I speak with her," to "Why should I have to change what I am, for her sake? Weren't you doing that your whole life Leafy?" [MEDIA=youtube]hx3a1B5WJ3c[/MEDIA] I have this same battle going on in my mind about my d c's. I guess it is the ebb and tide of life, the moon phases, how my day went. Or is it hormones? I wish I could be more constant. Dang hot flashes. Maybe it is this "crabbing" Frankl is talking of. Except, I will look at it as a sailboat traveling upwind to its destination,having to zig-zag and tack. Instead of the plane fighting the crosswinds by drawing the course above the mark, I am zig and zagging to get to the goal of radical acceptance. Zig- idealism, zag-realism. [COLOR=#ff0000]Big ZAG[/COLOR] I was looking up sibling rivalry and emotional abuse, and I found myself really, really angry at Attilla, again. [URL]http://outofthefog.net/Relationships/SiblingAbuse.html[/URL] Then I said to myself "Leafy, you have every right to feel angry and sad, these things really did happen to you." And they did. Not to the extent some have suffered. But I was very uncomfortable as a child and teen, nay say, miserable in[I] my own home[/I]. I did not like myself, I thought there was something wrong with me. Then Attilla began to seek my friendship when I was in my twenties. But, it was still on her terms. Then later on....... She talked much about our family when my dad was ill, how she did not like that we didn't [I]communicate[/I], that things seemed superficial, that mom never looked at the whole picture, always covering over things with the 50s "keep your sunny side up, smile though your heart is breaking attitude." She described it as so Stepford Wives. [SIZE=3](By the way, I thought this clip was perfect, because everyone is talking about holidays, and how we are affected.)[/SIZE] [MEDIA=youtube]mW42lBPbuTc[/MEDIA] My mom is not a fake, prejudice or superficial person. Really, maybe my mom had achieved radical acceptance? She is even-keeled and giving. She is Attillas biggest backer, accepting her for who she is, explaining away her idiosyncrasies. Loving her. At the time, of my dads illness, (when sister Attilla insisted he be shipped in to the city causing mom and brother to drive so far to visit) she wanted us to work things out, be a noisy family, talk it over, yell, fight, to be "real". [SIZE=5][COLOR=#ff0000]Big ZAG-[/COLOR][/SIZE] realistic- We would talk over the phone and we became "close", or so I thought. All along she was triangulating, drawing me closer to her, and speaking against my brother and sister, even my mom. "I am [I]right", [/I]she would say. "They don't want to confront the Dr.s, so I will. I will be Dad's advocate." Huh. I was Switzerland, trying to smooth things over between everybody, and making excuses for Attilla. Bam, hit me over the head with that one. :fishbashsmile: Now, she has come full circle, she doesn't really want to talk about things, be real, have people say what they feel. Well we can, as long as the mindset and conversation suits her. Huh. Even if I am sorrowful over my moms condition, my getting upset and expressing myself offends her, [I]my tears are not allowed[/I]. We have come back to "Just don't feel, Leafy" :groan: So [COLOR=#0000ff]BIG ZIG- [/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000]I have decided to hold back that part of myself, for now. What is the sense of it? Knowing that it gets me nowhere? Is that a zig or a zag? :919Mad: Maybe it is a zag-realist. I do not know anymore. What makes the sisters this way? How do I preserve and maintain relationship, or even, should I? Zig-zag, zig, zag One day I will know the answer. For now, I will keep on sailing upwind. Thanks for letting me vent, or rant, or bark. WOOF! Leafy [/COLOR] [/QUOTE]
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