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Family of Origin
Being who we are, even if FOO is different and doesn't like it
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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 672929" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Hi Serenity</p><p>I am hope you are feeling better, through your posts, you seem well on your way to recovering fully. I was the same with my kids, no bashing. They tell me they fought when they were older, when I wasn't around. I suppose kids will be kids.</p><p></p><p>We were raised with the old adage; "Children are better seen, than heard." We did things together as a family, but the day to day, even whole summers, we were pretty much left to our own devices.</p><p></p><p>I do not remember much my Mom gossiping, she would always tell us "Don't be catty."</p><p></p><p>I think in those days, there was not much in the way of organized sports and activities like there are now. We could venture around the neighborhood without restriction. Maybe that is where my sister developed her dominance. The thing of it is, Mom and Dad would kind of leave it up to us to "work it out."</p><p></p><p>I <em>think</em> they were trying to teach us to get along, by letting us "duke" it out on her own, does that make any sense? The times back then, we were left to entertain ourselves. "Turn the tv off and go outside". Maybe it is because Attilla had and has such a strong personality, the squeaky wheel gets the oil, concept.</p><p></p><p>Most of my difficulty growing up, was because of my sisters need to domineer. I really do not think my parents had any idea what was going on. They were closing their eyes to it? </p><p>In reading about sibling abuse, many parents do not see it as such. In fact, sibling bullying is only recently being written about. Huh.</p><p></p><p>I am wanting to resolve all of this stuff in my mind. To find a better way. The old feelings come up when I speak with her. </p><p>I have gone a bit no contact, but for Moms sake, want to get along. </p><p>It is the least I can do for Mom in her last years, or months, or what ever it turns out to be?</p><p></p><p>I am dealing with too many issues, d c's, Mom ill, hubs ill. It all seems to pile up into a mountain at times.</p><p>Sigh.</p><p></p><p>And then,</p><p></p><p>I watched a piece on Syrian refugees landing on a beach in Greece, my troubles seem to pale in comparison, to others suffering.</p><p></p><p>"There by the grace of God, go I"</p><p>Moms favorite saying.</p><p></p><p>I see,( despite of your description of your FOO), that you have come out of it a <em>fine person</em>. Your posts are kind, caring and genuine.</p><p></p><p>I really enjoyed your thread "Embrace the Mat."</p><p> It is similar to surfing. It takes a lot of energy and strength to paddle out through the surf. It is a real struggle when the waves are good sized. Then, you position yourself to catch a wave. It is exhilarating to ride waves, but, you are not surfing, if you don't "eat it" every once and a while. You are tossed into the ocean, tumbling every which way, running out of breath, scratching to the surface, desperate for air. In order to surf, one must embrace the fact that you will get some real good "cracks" from the ocean. I still love the ocean, and surfing.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I would imagine that in martial arts, one is hitting the mat even more than someone eating it in surfing. Plus we land in water. So many variables. I guess what I am trying to say, is that dang SWOT, your childhood was much rougher than mine. I admire your tenacity.</p><p>Perhaps dealing with maltreatment and belittling made you the wise soul you are today, having much empathy and fellow feeling for others. It does not take away the pain of it.</p><p></p><p>I am glad you survived the misery of it and still are growing and thriving, you have come through it.</p><p></p><p>You are a good example of what humans can become, our potential.</p><p></p><p>Hope you are <em>healing </em>better every day</p><p></p><p>Thank you Serenity.</p><p>(((HUGS)))</p><p>leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 672929, member: 19522"] Hi Serenity I am hope you are feeling better, through your posts, you seem well on your way to recovering fully. I was the same with my kids, no bashing. They tell me they fought when they were older, when I wasn't around. I suppose kids will be kids. We were raised with the old adage; "Children are better seen, than heard." We did things together as a family, but the day to day, even whole summers, we were pretty much left to our own devices. I do not remember much my Mom gossiping, she would always tell us "Don't be catty." I think in those days, there was not much in the way of organized sports and activities like there are now. We could venture around the neighborhood without restriction. Maybe that is where my sister developed her dominance. The thing of it is, Mom and Dad would kind of leave it up to us to "work it out." I [I]think[/I] they were trying to teach us to get along, by letting us "duke" it out on her own, does that make any sense? The times back then, we were left to entertain ourselves. "Turn the tv off and go outside". Maybe it is because Attilla had and has such a strong personality, the squeaky wheel gets the oil, concept. Most of my difficulty growing up, was because of my sisters need to domineer. I really do not think my parents had any idea what was going on. They were closing their eyes to it? In reading about sibling abuse, many parents do not see it as such. In fact, sibling bullying is only recently being written about. Huh. I am wanting to resolve all of this stuff in my mind. To find a better way. The old feelings come up when I speak with her. I have gone a bit no contact, but for Moms sake, want to get along. It is the least I can do for Mom in her last years, or months, or what ever it turns out to be? I am dealing with too many issues, d c's, Mom ill, hubs ill. It all seems to pile up into a mountain at times. Sigh. And then, I watched a piece on Syrian refugees landing on a beach in Greece, my troubles seem to pale in comparison, to others suffering. "There by the grace of God, go I" Moms favorite saying. I see,( despite of your description of your FOO), that you have come out of it a [I]fine person[/I]. Your posts are kind, caring and genuine. I really enjoyed your thread "Embrace the Mat." It is similar to surfing. It takes a lot of energy and strength to paddle out through the surf. It is a real struggle when the waves are good sized. Then, you position yourself to catch a wave. It is exhilarating to ride waves, but, you are not surfing, if you don't "eat it" every once and a while. You are tossed into the ocean, tumbling every which way, running out of breath, scratching to the surface, desperate for air. In order to surf, one must embrace the fact that you will get some real good "cracks" from the ocean. I still love the ocean, and surfing. I would imagine that in martial arts, one is hitting the mat even more than someone eating it in surfing. Plus we land in water. So many variables. I guess what I am trying to say, is that dang SWOT, your childhood was much rougher than mine. I admire your tenacity. Perhaps dealing with maltreatment and belittling made you the wise soul you are today, having much empathy and fellow feeling for others. It does not take away the pain of it. I am glad you survived the misery of it and still are growing and thriving, you have come through it. You are a good example of what humans can become, our potential. Hope you are [I]healing [/I]better every day Thank you Serenity. (((HUGS))) leafy [/QUOTE]
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