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Best gift we can ever give our DCs: The gift of detachment with love
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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 673539" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>I am on a break from contact right now.</p><p>It is necessary for me to be able to regroup and breathe.</p><p>It does not mean <em>I won't </em>speak with my girls again.</p><p>But<em> they </em>have a history of <em>not calling</em>, when things do not go their way.</p><p>Sigh.</p><p></p><p>The toughest part was seeing my eldest the last time, in the shape she was, she simply would not accept help in the way of rehab, or a dv shelter.</p><p>Watching her walk out the door, was tough. It is hard to know what to do in a situation like this.</p><p>I do know, having her live in our home is not the right thing.</p><p>It was very sad.</p><p>I cannot force her to get help, she has to <em>want it</em>.</p><p>She <em>wants to stay here</em>, she cannot.</p><p>My hubs, who is usually the soft one who caves in, comforted me and said,</p><p>"She is not ready to change her ways." That helped. It helps to be on the same page.</p><p></p><p>We are trying our best to change our pattern and response. Sometimes the no contact, is our girls choice, they can go for months without calling, change their numbers and not let us know. It seems like a punishment, for us standing firm.</p><p>That is rough, too.</p><p>Meth and crack can make people unpredictable, mean and manipulative.</p><p>This is what we have experienced.</p><p>This is why it has been such a difficult journey for us.</p><p>Especially when our grandchildren are withheld from us.</p><p></p><p>We have tried so many times to "help", to have them in our home, when <em>that</em> call comes.....</p><p>We know now, that doesn't work.</p><p>No more revolving door.</p><p></p><p>In the meantime, lots of work rebuilding ourselves and time in prayer. Also, thinking on the conversation we may, or may not have.</p><p>We lovingly detached, our two are angry and do not want to talk with us.</p><p>So, sometimes the no contact thing is unavoidable.</p><p>This time, I am actually <em>liking it</em>.</p><p>Aside from missing my grands, there is a peacefulness to it.</p><p></p><p>Only time will tell, until then, lots of self work and house cleaning, mentally, physically and literally.</p><p></p><p>Thank you for the share COM.</p><p></p><p>Happy Thanksgiving</p><p></p><p>(((HUGS)))</p><p>leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 673539, member: 19522"] I am on a break from contact right now. It is necessary for me to be able to regroup and breathe. It does not mean [I]I won't [/I]speak with my girls again. But[I] they [/I]have a history of [I]not calling[/I], when things do not go their way. Sigh. The toughest part was seeing my eldest the last time, in the shape she was, she simply would not accept help in the way of rehab, or a dv shelter. Watching her walk out the door, was tough. It is hard to know what to do in a situation like this. I do know, having her live in our home is not the right thing. It was very sad. I cannot force her to get help, she has to [I]want it[/I]. She [I]wants to stay here[/I], she cannot. My hubs, who is usually the soft one who caves in, comforted me and said, "She is not ready to change her ways." That helped. It helps to be on the same page. We are trying our best to change our pattern and response. Sometimes the no contact, is our girls choice, they can go for months without calling, change their numbers and not let us know. It seems like a punishment, for us standing firm. That is rough, too. Meth and crack can make people unpredictable, mean and manipulative. This is what we have experienced. This is why it has been such a difficult journey for us. Especially when our grandchildren are withheld from us. We have tried so many times to "help", to have them in our home, when [I]that[/I] call comes..... We know now, that doesn't work. No more revolving door. In the meantime, lots of work rebuilding ourselves and time in prayer. Also, thinking on the conversation we may, or may not have. We lovingly detached, our two are angry and do not want to talk with us. So, sometimes the no contact thing is unavoidable. This time, I am actually [I]liking it[/I]. Aside from missing my grands, there is a peacefulness to it. Only time will tell, until then, lots of self work and house cleaning, mentally, physically and literally. Thank you for the share COM. Happy Thanksgiving (((HUGS))) leafy [/QUOTE]
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Best gift we can ever give our DCs: The gift of detachment with love
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