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Best gift we can ever give our DCs: The gift of detachment with love
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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 673568" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Very true, COM, it works for them. When we broke down and allowed our daughter and grands to live with us over the summer, it worked for us, (well, we made it work) because we love our grands and hoped that our daughter really wanted to change. It worked for awhile, then slipped back into the same old same old. That didn't work. Not for us, not for the grands.</p><p>I don't think Tornado and Volcano even think about what their choices and chaos do to anyone else.</p><p>So, I guess it worked for them.</p><p> The same is true for my eldest. My #2 girl said years past "You know mom, Rain went to the Dr. and was told she was depressed, that she should take medication." That opened up different feelings about her addiction, like we now had an obligation to step in, because she was "sick".</p><p> Yes, this is true. Even if <em>through addiction</em>, <em>there are mental health issues</em>. There is still accountability.</p><p> I am seeing this more and more.</p><p> I don't even know how to measure the trying. With nary a word for months, then popping up at my door. I suppose for me, the measurement would be, what have you done to help yourselves? Or, in Rains case, all I could think of was a DV shelter, rehab, something. So many times they have come back and forth with promises. It will be hard to measure this, I think.</p><p></p><p> Thank you COM.</p><p>It is the same for our cousins, helping their d cs who are 50 or so. Somehow this works for them, but their lives are so chaotic. What happens when they die? Who will take care of these d cs?</p><p></p><p>I had a workmate who's brother was in his 50's. His mom in her 80's battling breast cancer. The brother was just there. Not working, still expecting his ill mother to help him. My friend would cook for his mom, and tell me the brother would eat up all the food! Who does that?</p><p></p><p>It is hard COM. Drugs do terrible things to people, rip families apart.</p><p></p><p>I am now struggling with my numbness. I feel like I am in shock. I have had an emotional stroke of some sorts, the part of me that enabled is gone, and there is some sort of void there. Maybe it is an "avoid". Maybe I am walling that part off, to protect myself. It is puzzling.</p><p>It feels like the eye of a hurricane, when you know the storm is not over, and there is nothing left to do but wait it out, till the other side of it passes. You see the damage done, and know that there is no sense in fixing it, because the winds and rains are still out there.</p><p>The other side of chaos is approaching and the eye of the storm, the calm, is proof of it.</p><p>It is what it is.</p><p>Hmmm.</p><p></p><p>leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 673568, member: 19522"] Very true, COM, it works for them. When we broke down and allowed our daughter and grands to live with us over the summer, it worked for us, (well, we made it work) because we love our grands and hoped that our daughter really wanted to change. It worked for awhile, then slipped back into the same old same old. That didn't work. Not for us, not for the grands. I don't think Tornado and Volcano even think about what their choices and chaos do to anyone else. So, I guess it worked for them. The same is true for my eldest. My #2 girl said years past "You know mom, Rain went to the Dr. and was told she was depressed, that she should take medication." That opened up different feelings about her addiction, like we now had an obligation to step in, because she was "sick". Yes, this is true. Even if [I]through addiction[/I], [I]there are mental health issues[/I]. There is still accountability. I am seeing this more and more. I don't even know how to measure the trying. With nary a word for months, then popping up at my door. I suppose for me, the measurement would be, what have you done to help yourselves? Or, in Rains case, all I could think of was a DV shelter, rehab, something. So many times they have come back and forth with promises. It will be hard to measure this, I think. Thank you COM. It is the same for our cousins, helping their d cs who are 50 or so. Somehow this works for them, but their lives are so chaotic. What happens when they die? Who will take care of these d cs? I had a workmate who's brother was in his 50's. His mom in her 80's battling breast cancer. The brother was just there. Not working, still expecting his ill mother to help him. My friend would cook for his mom, and tell me the brother would eat up all the food! Who does that? It is hard COM. Drugs do terrible things to people, rip families apart. I am now struggling with my numbness. I feel like I am in shock. I have had an emotional stroke of some sorts, the part of me that enabled is gone, and there is some sort of void there. Maybe it is an "avoid". Maybe I am walling that part off, to protect myself. It is puzzling. It feels like the eye of a hurricane, when you know the storm is not over, and there is nothing left to do but wait it out, till the other side of it passes. You see the damage done, and know that there is no sense in fixing it, because the winds and rains are still out there. The other side of chaos is approaching and the eye of the storm, the calm, is proof of it. It is what it is. Hmmm. leafy [/QUOTE]
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