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between rock & hard place
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 453902" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Many hugs. If they feel that strongly that he needs to be there, then they can bill him and wait for him to pay them off. I know it sounds cold, but this is super expensive and if he isn't participating on your dime, maybe he will on his own. Or maybe not and he needs to go to the streets and hit bottom. I don't know what is best, but I am hoping that whatever you do, you realize that no six week program will give significant help to a personality disorder. So throwing a ton of $$ at this seems a short term fix at best and if he isn't doing what he said, which is fully participating, I would tell them to send him to the ER or wherever for evaluation for suicide. If it is just a ploy to get his own way, well, the ER will figure it out. </p><p></p><p>Either way, I know you love him deeply, but he IS a grown man and has to take responsibility at some point for his care. Yes, this sounds like a crisis, but it is one that you can honestly afford to fix for him? And if you pay to "fix" it iwth the therapy, is he really going to change or will he just continue to take advantage of you? </p><p></p><p>I don't have answers and do NOT condemn you for ANY decision you make. NOT at all. But I just wonder if you are not throwing good money after wasted money in trying to get him treatment that he doesn't really want. It may be that he is just panicked because whomever he owes that poker money to wants it and he is trying to hide from them in an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) and all the $$$ you are spending on it is just giving him a short term hideout. Sooner or later he has to face the debts. I do caution you that if you pay his poker debts he will simply run them up again. I have seen gamblers do it over and over and over to people.</p><p></p><p>I am so sorry that he continues to push his mess onto your life.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 453902, member: 1233"] Many hugs. If they feel that strongly that he needs to be there, then they can bill him and wait for him to pay them off. I know it sounds cold, but this is super expensive and if he isn't participating on your dime, maybe he will on his own. Or maybe not and he needs to go to the streets and hit bottom. I don't know what is best, but I am hoping that whatever you do, you realize that no six week program will give significant help to a personality disorder. So throwing a ton of $$ at this seems a short term fix at best and if he isn't doing what he said, which is fully participating, I would tell them to send him to the ER or wherever for evaluation for suicide. If it is just a ploy to get his own way, well, the ER will figure it out. Either way, I know you love him deeply, but he IS a grown man and has to take responsibility at some point for his care. Yes, this sounds like a crisis, but it is one that you can honestly afford to fix for him? And if you pay to "fix" it iwth the therapy, is he really going to change or will he just continue to take advantage of you? I don't have answers and do NOT condemn you for ANY decision you make. NOT at all. But I just wonder if you are not throwing good money after wasted money in trying to get him treatment that he doesn't really want. It may be that he is just panicked because whomever he owes that poker money to wants it and he is trying to hide from them in an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) and all the $$$ you are spending on it is just giving him a short term hideout. Sooner or later he has to face the debts. I do caution you that if you pay his poker debts he will simply run them up again. I have seen gamblers do it over and over and over to people. I am so sorry that he continues to push his mess onto your life. [/QUOTE]
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