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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 736144" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I admire you, Wish. My bipolar II does not sound like it was as bad as yours, but maybe that was because although I was extremely anti illegal drugs, not fond of alcohol and even very anti cigarettes, in no way was I against medically prescribed drugs. I thought of them like insulin for diabetes....you take them or you die and for me this would have been true. BUT.....</p><p></p><p>Although I was very compliant and a good patient, I was overly sensitive to many medications and had tons of side effects, sometimes hallucinating, usually after the medication was actually starting to work.</p><p></p><p>Back to square one. It took me over a decade to get on my miracle medication. And it was a real struggle for me. In fact, I went to see the doctor who put me on paroxatene, which is my miracle medication, but I had not gone there for medications. I had consulted this psychiatrist because he was known for doing safe ECT and I was almost 40 and desperate. Yes. ECT.</p><p></p><p>Electroshock therapy. It is still done, but they say it had been modified. And I wanted to feel better. I was tired of the dark hole of clinical, inherited depression.</p><p></p><p>The psychiatrist told me about a new medication Paxil and talked me into trying it first before doing ECT. I had no faith it would work and didn't want to wait the six long weeks I needed to wait in order to see if this Paxil garbage would work. But I wanted him to like me as a patient so that he would do the ECT so I took it. I expected a fail or maybe a side effect so bad that I would have to cut the trial short. I was pessimistic. I knew only ECT might help. But I was good......</p><p></p><p>Six weeks later I woke up one day and felt really really good! Not manic. Good! Like myself but without the depression. It was crazy great and I was in my late 30s and had started trying to help myself at 23. It took that long. It took forever. But the depression was gone. Gone!</p><p></p><p>All that time I never smoked pot except to try it a few times and never took one drink. I knew that if I did, it would make this hellish mood disorder even worse. I knew it. And I didn't stand it by taking illegal drugs. And I know you and I, Wish, are not alone.</p><p></p><p>I was not well as a child but didnt have my first terrible depression until 13. I remember the night it happened. One minute I was fine. Suddenly I felt an anchor drop in my stomach and in a nano second I was mired in a dark, severe depression that I could not shake for a year. I no longer saw friends. I no longer went out at all. I couldn't fight the bullies in school...I had always been bullied but before depression weakened me, I fought back. Now I just dropped my head. I daydreamed through school. My grades nosedived. I couldn't concentrate.</p><p></p><p>My grades never recovered. I quit the things I loved to do, including my beloved singing lessons. The truth was, I couldn't feel happiness anymore and nothing gave me pleasure. So why do anything? The world was gray, all gray. Bleak. I would never get better. Thinking you will never get better is a symptom of depression, one that can cause suicide but I hung on and never did try this although it nagged in back of my mind.</p><p></p><p>That is depression at it's worse. It's a black void. I would have had no energy to go on the streets to find kids who had drugs if 13 year olds had taken illegal drugs back then. I just knew I was so sad. I also had terrible anxiety. This is what depression was like until Paxil. I was not always nice at home, but I was sick. My mother didn't get it. She thought I was bad. Yet I know she was mentally I'll too as was my sister. Yes, it runs in families. My uncle. Another one. Depression. Anxiety. Eating disorders that last a lifetime, fortunately I dodged this one. But I had enough to call my own.</p><p></p><p>At the same time I did not steal, have wild sex, party or break the law. You don't have to, even with mental illness. And some people do so without mental illness.</p><p></p><p>I think bipolar is way over diagnosed and given to anyone having moodswings. Yet drug abuse alone causes severe moodswings. So does an even worse disorder where the person truly is mean....borderline personality disorder. I could be crabby sometimes, but I wasn't mean. Borderline is a lack of empathy, not bipolar. They both have moodswings but they are different. I would rather be stuck with bipolar II. And I am. That is my official diagnosis along with anxiety.</p><p></p><p>That is my story. I have been great since the Paxil and still take it and have a great life, great hub, great kids, great health for my age so far, and a great retirement ahead. And I never abused drugs. I have never been drunk in my life. Truth. Because I knew that substances would make me more screwed up (and I knew this by age 15) I never touched the stuff. Alcohol. Illegal drugs. I tried pot a few times but I felt worse and spacy and paranoid. Never again. Pot is not good. You feel abnormal and not in a good way. At least, I think pot is terrible for anyone with a mood disorder. Jmo</p><p></p><p>Mental illness is not fun. But there are better treatments now, although it is still an inexact science. There is hope.</p><p></p><p>I do stand by how you can not know if a drug abuser has a certain disorder if he isn't clean. The drugs mimic certain disorders. Drug addiction itself IS a mental illness in of itself.</p><p></p><p>Treat THAT first then go from there.</p><p></p><p>Much love and light to all! Keep the Faith!!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 736144, member: 1550"] I admire you, Wish. My bipolar II does not sound like it was as bad as yours, but maybe that was because although I was extremely anti illegal drugs, not fond of alcohol and even very anti cigarettes, in no way was I against medically prescribed drugs. I thought of them like insulin for diabetes....you take them or you die and for me this would have been true. BUT..... Although I was very compliant and a good patient, I was overly sensitive to many medications and had tons of side effects, sometimes hallucinating, usually after the medication was actually starting to work. Back to square one. It took me over a decade to get on my miracle medication. And it was a real struggle for me. In fact, I went to see the doctor who put me on paroxatene, which is my miracle medication, but I had not gone there for medications. I had consulted this psychiatrist because he was known for doing safe ECT and I was almost 40 and desperate. Yes. ECT. Electroshock therapy. It is still done, but they say it had been modified. And I wanted to feel better. I was tired of the dark hole of clinical, inherited depression. The psychiatrist told me about a new medication Paxil and talked me into trying it first before doing ECT. I had no faith it would work and didn't want to wait the six long weeks I needed to wait in order to see if this Paxil garbage would work. But I wanted him to like me as a patient so that he would do the ECT so I took it. I expected a fail or maybe a side effect so bad that I would have to cut the trial short. I was pessimistic. I knew only ECT might help. But I was good...... Six weeks later I woke up one day and felt really really good! Not manic. Good! Like myself but without the depression. It was crazy great and I was in my late 30s and had started trying to help myself at 23. It took that long. It took forever. But the depression was gone. Gone! All that time I never smoked pot except to try it a few times and never took one drink. I knew that if I did, it would make this hellish mood disorder even worse. I knew it. And I didn't stand it by taking illegal drugs. And I know you and I, Wish, are not alone. I was not well as a child but didnt have my first terrible depression until 13. I remember the night it happened. One minute I was fine. Suddenly I felt an anchor drop in my stomach and in a nano second I was mired in a dark, severe depression that I could not shake for a year. I no longer saw friends. I no longer went out at all. I couldn't fight the bullies in school...I had always been bullied but before depression weakened me, I fought back. Now I just dropped my head. I daydreamed through school. My grades nosedived. I couldn't concentrate. My grades never recovered. I quit the things I loved to do, including my beloved singing lessons. The truth was, I couldn't feel happiness anymore and nothing gave me pleasure. So why do anything? The world was gray, all gray. Bleak. I would never get better. Thinking you will never get better is a symptom of depression, one that can cause suicide but I hung on and never did try this although it nagged in back of my mind. That is depression at it's worse. It's a black void. I would have had no energy to go on the streets to find kids who had drugs if 13 year olds had taken illegal drugs back then. I just knew I was so sad. I also had terrible anxiety. This is what depression was like until Paxil. I was not always nice at home, but I was sick. My mother didn't get it. She thought I was bad. Yet I know she was mentally I'll too as was my sister. Yes, it runs in families. My uncle. Another one. Depression. Anxiety. Eating disorders that last a lifetime, fortunately I dodged this one. But I had enough to call my own. At the same time I did not steal, have wild sex, party or break the law. You don't have to, even with mental illness. And some people do so without mental illness. I think bipolar is way over diagnosed and given to anyone having moodswings. Yet drug abuse alone causes severe moodswings. So does an even worse disorder where the person truly is mean....borderline personality disorder. I could be crabby sometimes, but I wasn't mean. Borderline is a lack of empathy, not bipolar. They both have moodswings but they are different. I would rather be stuck with bipolar II. And I am. That is my official diagnosis along with anxiety. That is my story. I have been great since the Paxil and still take it and have a great life, great hub, great kids, great health for my age so far, and a great retirement ahead. And I never abused drugs. I have never been drunk in my life. Truth. Because I knew that substances would make me more screwed up (and I knew this by age 15) I never touched the stuff. Alcohol. Illegal drugs. I tried pot a few times but I felt worse and spacy and paranoid. Never again. Pot is not good. You feel abnormal and not in a good way. At least, I think pot is terrible for anyone with a mood disorder. Jmo Mental illness is not fun. But there are better treatments now, although it is still an inexact science. There is hope. I do stand by how you can not know if a drug abuser has a certain disorder if he isn't clean. The drugs mimic certain disorders. Drug addiction itself IS a mental illness in of itself. Treat THAT first then go from there. Much love and light to all! Keep the Faith!!! [/QUOTE]
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