Susan,
I think going to Good will was brilliant. I SAW that store - after we were downtown in GV. OMG - I was like a puppy in the petshop window as we drove by - fast too - DF knows me.
If I had any advice that I could give you about taking him clothes tomorrow that I KNOW in my HEART was good, solid advice......
Drop off the clothes.....don't stay. Don't talk about ANYTHING that isn't positive. Don't talk about bailing him out, Don't talk about the clothes - and don't stay more than 4 or 5 minutes.
Reason?
It will let your son know that you are thinking about him. And it will let him know that you are allowing yourself some distance from his behaviors. Talk about the weather, talk about your dog, talk about something current event. Don't talk to him about him PERIOD. And if he wants you to stay - say "Maybe next time" and wish him well.
Reason?
It belive it or not will be easier on YOU and your heart to not stay so long. If you stay - you'll find yourself engaging him in who, what, where, when and why conversations that as an addict in recovery - he is TOO fragile to handle. It will not only surprise him, but keep him wondering about where he stands with you. That's a good thing. You bailed him out, He KNOWS you did that FOR him, he'll see the clothes, and he'll see you. If he doesn't see you too often or too long - he'll actually ask you to spend more time the next time. When you go - stay 5 minutes more than you did the last time. Wish him well......and leave.
The addicts and recovery places I went to over the years gave me that advice with my x. It gave him something to work for - it kept him wondering. In coming - it said "I support your efforts" in leaving soon it said "YOu have WORK to do - get busy."
Just thought I would pass on the advice. We used the same technique in Department of Juvenile Justice with Dude- we could have stayed 2 hours - but we did 15 minutes, then 30 etc. And for a while - he remembered that he missed his mom.
Hugs
