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Parent Emeritus
Borderline (Borderline (Borderline (Borderline (BPD)))) son is suicidal
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<blockquote data-quote="Nomore" data-source="post: 762847" data-attributes="member: 30148"><p>Your post resonates with me. My 35 yo son is an alcoholic, untreated bi-polar with cluster B personality traits - i.e., borderline, narcassitic, histrionic, sociopathic. He has refused any opportunities for professional help and has threatened violence and suicide many times. It's heartwrenching as a mother to watch your child spiral out of control. We want to protect them no matter their age. What has helped me to better cope is to seek out research into his addiction, mental illness and personality disorder. I also seek advice from those who have adult son with similar issues. It's very hard for most to wrap their heads around Cluster B personality disorder and most advice although well meaning has been unhelpful frankly. I also found a no bullshit therapist that set me straight. As an adult, his life is his own. It isn't illegal to be mentally ill. It isn't illegal to be a drug addict. Cluster B personality disorders can be managed and a borderline can learn to adjust behaviors BUT most do not seek treatment/help. They often think everyone else is the problem. Blame shifting and taking no personal accountability for anything. Pity plays are common with suicide gestures for attention and control. My therapist told me some hard things to face and be prepared for. My son is likely to never to seek help. He's grown comfortable with his homelessness, addiction and antisocial lifestyle. It's working for him. My therapist told me society may not like how my son is living but it is his choice. He may commit suicide. He may go to prison. The road to getting him committed or under conservatorship is nearly impossible and in his professional opinion would be unwise and potentially dangerous for me. As you know, borderlines are often violent and research shows mothers are often targetted as we are blamed for everything that is wrong. His advice was to let go; Go no contact and stay no contact and respect myself for setting boundaries because my son will not respect them. His personality disorder won't let him respect boundaries because then *he* is not in control. In therapy we focus energy on how to live my best life and saving me - on how not to be sucked in to his never ending cycle of abuse and the co-dependency dance (he's very wiley knows how to push buttons to get attention and a rise out of people). My therapist even has gone as far as saying I should move away. Harsh to hear but it was necessary for me. My heart goes out to you. I hope that you can find peace and the strength in yourself to let go.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nomore, post: 762847, member: 30148"] Your post resonates with me. My 35 yo son is an alcoholic, untreated bi-polar with cluster B personality traits - i.e., borderline, narcassitic, histrionic, sociopathic. He has refused any opportunities for professional help and has threatened violence and suicide many times. It's heartwrenching as a mother to watch your child spiral out of control. We want to protect them no matter their age. What has helped me to better cope is to seek out research into his addiction, mental illness and personality disorder. I also seek advice from those who have adult son with similar issues. It's very hard for most to wrap their heads around Cluster B personality disorder and most advice although well meaning has been unhelpful frankly. I also found a no bullshit therapist that set me straight. As an adult, his life is his own. It isn't illegal to be mentally ill. It isn't illegal to be a drug addict. Cluster B personality disorders can be managed and a borderline can learn to adjust behaviors BUT most do not seek treatment/help. They often think everyone else is the problem. Blame shifting and taking no personal accountability for anything. Pity plays are common with suicide gestures for attention and control. My therapist told me some hard things to face and be prepared for. My son is likely to never to seek help. He's grown comfortable with his homelessness, addiction and antisocial lifestyle. It's working for him. My therapist told me society may not like how my son is living but it is his choice. He may commit suicide. He may go to prison. The road to getting him committed or under conservatorship is nearly impossible and in his professional opinion would be unwise and potentially dangerous for me. As you know, borderlines are often violent and research shows mothers are often targetted as we are blamed for everything that is wrong. His advice was to let go; Go no contact and stay no contact and respect myself for setting boundaries because my son will not respect them. His personality disorder won't let him respect boundaries because then *he* is not in control. In therapy we focus energy on how to live my best life and saving me - on how not to be sucked in to his never ending cycle of abuse and the co-dependency dance (he's very wiley knows how to push buttons to get attention and a rise out of people). My therapist even has gone as far as saying I should move away. Harsh to hear but it was necessary for me. My heart goes out to you. I hope that you can find peace and the strength in yourself to let go. [/QUOTE]
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Borderline (Borderline (Borderline (Borderline (BPD)))) son is suicidal
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