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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 673280" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Hopeful, I feel you, this is all so very hard. You are not alone with the pain and misery of it.</p><p></p><p>18 is so very young. The fact that you are setting boundaries for him, not allowing him in your home, under <em>his conditions,</em> doesn't make it easier on you. It feels horrible when our adult children don't launch well. </p><p>You are doing the right thing.</p><p> Hopeful, as gut-wrenching as it is, you are doing the right thing. 18 is so very young, but the fact that you are setting your boundaries and being so very brave to stick to them, may mean the biggest difference for your son, in that he will have to take a good hard look at his choices<em> now</em>. <em><strong>Now</strong></em>, he will have to see the error of his ways, not after <em>years </em>of enabling down the road. The earlier we put our foot down, the better chance our d cs have of seeing that. I wish I would have been stronger, earlier. I wish I would have seen it, then. We went back and forth, comings and goings. If I could do it all over again, I would have kept my d cs out, not let them come back, in and out, us desperately trying to help them, only for them to continue in their ways.</p><p>Take it from me Hopeful, I made the mistake of letting my girls in and out through a revolving door, each time thinking, "This will be the time." But it wasn't. Now, after four months and many days and nights feeling like you do, I wish I had stumbled upon this site earlier. It would have helped me back then to keep a resolve, to understand what you are now, that helping them,<em> was not helping them</em>. </p><p></p><p>This has got to be right up there with the toughest things known to man. The days come and go, one at a time. You will have good days and bad. Have you been able to get help for yourself?</p><p>Counseling really helped me, and there are other programs, Al-Anon, etc. Sometimes just being with other people who are going through this helps. Journaling helps. Actually, CD is a kind of journal, and it is helpful and awesome that there are kind and caring folks here to reply back and help as best they can. </p><p>Meditation helps, finding a quiet time in our busy lives to center ourselves. Reading helps. Walking and exercise helps.</p><p></p><p>I hope you are able to find some relief Hopeful. Moment to moment, day to day. I am right there with you, trying my best to carry on, in spite of it all. There is nothing to compare with the grief of it.</p><p> It is okay. It will be okay, <em>you </em>will be okay.</p><p>The process takes time. It is tough, but so are we.</p><p>You have a life, that is worth living to the fullest.</p><p>Feel your feelings, let it out, get it out as much as you can.</p><p>You have done right by your son, by giving him his wings.</p><p>You have shown him through this, that it is unacceptable for him to take advantage of you, and drag you down the road he has chosen.</p><p>When we do this, we show our d cs, there has got to be another way.</p><p>With us, they simply will not find that.</p><p>That is what I tell myself, when I start to think about the sadness of it all. I think back and remember how my d cs were in my home. They did not grow. They did not look to help themselves. </p><p>There was nothing left to do or say about it.</p><p>We tried our best, but for all the trying and putting up with indecent behavior, it didn't work.</p><p>So now, this is what it is. This is what is right and what has to be.</p><p>It doesn't <em>feel </em>good, but it is true.</p><p></p><p>Hang in there Hopeful.</p><p>I have my ups and downs, too.</p><p>The change in weather, and the holidays, intensifies the feelings.</p><p></p><p>You will get through this, one day at a time.</p><p>Hang in there and while you do that, so will I.</p><p></p><p>Strength and peace to all of us.</p><p>(((HUGS)))</p><p>leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 673280, member: 19522"] Hopeful, I feel you, this is all so very hard. You are not alone with the pain and misery of it. 18 is so very young. The fact that you are setting boundaries for him, not allowing him in your home, under [I]his conditions,[/I] doesn't make it easier on you. It feels horrible when our adult children don't launch well. You are doing the right thing. Hopeful, as gut-wrenching as it is, you are doing the right thing. 18 is so very young, but the fact that you are setting your boundaries and being so very brave to stick to them, may mean the biggest difference for your son, in that he will have to take a good hard look at his choices[I] now[/I]. [I][B]Now[/B][/I], he will have to see the error of his ways, not after [I]years [/I]of enabling down the road. The earlier we put our foot down, the better chance our d cs have of seeing that. I wish I would have been stronger, earlier. I wish I would have seen it, then. We went back and forth, comings and goings. If I could do it all over again, I would have kept my d cs out, not let them come back, in and out, us desperately trying to help them, only for them to continue in their ways. Take it from me Hopeful, I made the mistake of letting my girls in and out through a revolving door, each time thinking, "This will be the time." But it wasn't. Now, after four months and many days and nights feeling like you do, I wish I had stumbled upon this site earlier. It would have helped me back then to keep a resolve, to understand what you are now, that helping them,[I] was not helping them[/I]. This has got to be right up there with the toughest things known to man. The days come and go, one at a time. You will have good days and bad. Have you been able to get help for yourself? Counseling really helped me, and there are other programs, Al-Anon, etc. Sometimes just being with other people who are going through this helps. Journaling helps. Actually, CD is a kind of journal, and it is helpful and awesome that there are kind and caring folks here to reply back and help as best they can. Meditation helps, finding a quiet time in our busy lives to center ourselves. Reading helps. Walking and exercise helps. I hope you are able to find some relief Hopeful. Moment to moment, day to day. I am right there with you, trying my best to carry on, in spite of it all. There is nothing to compare with the grief of it. It is okay. It will be okay, [I]you [/I]will be okay. The process takes time. It is tough, but so are we. You have a life, that is worth living to the fullest. Feel your feelings, let it out, get it out as much as you can. You have done right by your son, by giving him his wings. You have shown him through this, that it is unacceptable for him to take advantage of you, and drag you down the road he has chosen. When we do this, we show our d cs, there has got to be another way. With us, they simply will not find that. That is what I tell myself, when I start to think about the sadness of it all. I think back and remember how my d cs were in my home. They did not grow. They did not look to help themselves. There was nothing left to do or say about it. We tried our best, but for all the trying and putting up with indecent behavior, it didn't work. So now, this is what it is. This is what is right and what has to be. It doesn't [I]feel [/I]good, but it is true. Hang in there Hopeful. I have my ups and downs, too. The change in weather, and the holidays, intensifies the feelings. You will get through this, one day at a time. Hang in there and while you do that, so will I. Strength and peace to all of us. (((HUGS))) leafy [/QUOTE]
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