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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 674802" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Hopeful, you have nothing to feel guilty about. I know how hard this is. You have done everything you can to help your son, including researching and finding a teen shelter for him. This would be the best place for him, he would have to follow rules and tow the line, plus getting an education and job? WOW!</p><p>I would definitely think not even twice, a<em> thousand</em> times before giving him any cash.</p><p>Many people will tell you our d cs lie and manipulate us to get money.</p><p>If your son is so desperate and cold, he would jump at the chance to go to this shelter.</p><p>He does not want to WHY?</p><p></p><p>Most of our D cs do not want to go to shelters because they do not want to change.</p><p></p><p></p><p>This, here tells me that your son is trying to manipulate you both.</p><p>Crying and begging for what he wants, on his terms, then swearing and getting nasty, when he doesn't get what he is demanding.</p><p>So Hopeful, you are going to have to put the crying out of your mind, and put the nasty swearing in the forefront. When people show you who they are.....believe them.</p><p></p><p>I know how this feels, when Rain came home looking totally disheveled and beat up, I was besides myself with grief and sadness. Then, Hopeful, she came again, high as a kite, babbling on about this and that. I felt like I had lost two weeks of my life with excruciating worry for her, she is out there, trying to find any way she can to get high.</p><p></p><p>Our poor, poor mama hearts.......</p><p></p><p>I feel for you Hopeful. Talk with your sister. Go to a counselor or a group like al-anon, to help you with your stance. You are doing the absolute right thing for your son. It does not seem like it, with the crying and manipulating, but you are. I wish I had stood my ground a long time ago, Hopeful. Can you see 18 more years of this?</p><p>Rain is 36.</p><p></p><p>The sooner you stand up and say no more, the better for you and your son.</p><p>It is hard, it hurts, it goes contrary to our desire to see our children do well.</p><p>You have done the best thing you can for him.</p><p>Believe it from someone who took <em>way too many years to realize</em> that we just cannot fix our kids.</p><p>They have to want it.</p><p>If your son was so uncomfortable and in such dire straits Hopeful, don't you think he would jump at the chance to be in this shelter?</p><p>You are doing the right thing, dear. It doesn't feel good now. Take some deep breaths and pray.</p><p>I gave my two to God, their problems are way over my head. He can do miracles.</p><p></p><p>Deep breaths Hopeful, you can do this. For your son, and for true peace in your heart and home.</p><p></p><p>(((HUGS)))</p><p>leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 674802, member: 19522"] Hopeful, you have nothing to feel guilty about. I know how hard this is. You have done everything you can to help your son, including researching and finding a teen shelter for him. This would be the best place for him, he would have to follow rules and tow the line, plus getting an education and job? WOW! I would definitely think not even twice, a[I] thousand[/I] times before giving him any cash. Many people will tell you our d cs lie and manipulate us to get money. If your son is so desperate and cold, he would jump at the chance to go to this shelter. He does not want to WHY? Most of our D cs do not want to go to shelters because they do not want to change. This, here tells me that your son is trying to manipulate you both. Crying and begging for what he wants, on his terms, then swearing and getting nasty, when he doesn't get what he is demanding. So Hopeful, you are going to have to put the crying out of your mind, and put the nasty swearing in the forefront. When people show you who they are.....believe them. I know how this feels, when Rain came home looking totally disheveled and beat up, I was besides myself with grief and sadness. Then, Hopeful, she came again, high as a kite, babbling on about this and that. I felt like I had lost two weeks of my life with excruciating worry for her, she is out there, trying to find any way she can to get high. Our poor, poor mama hearts....... I feel for you Hopeful. Talk with your sister. Go to a counselor or a group like al-anon, to help you with your stance. You are doing the absolute right thing for your son. It does not seem like it, with the crying and manipulating, but you are. I wish I had stood my ground a long time ago, Hopeful. Can you see 18 more years of this? Rain is 36. The sooner you stand up and say no more, the better for you and your son. It is hard, it hurts, it goes contrary to our desire to see our children do well. You have done the best thing you can for him. Believe it from someone who took [I]way too many years to realize[/I] that we just cannot fix our kids. They have to want it. If your son was so uncomfortable and in such dire straits Hopeful, don't you think he would jump at the chance to be in this shelter? You are doing the right thing, dear. It doesn't feel good now. Take some deep breaths and pray. I gave my two to God, their problems are way over my head. He can do miracles. Deep breaths Hopeful, you can do this. For your son, and for true peace in your heart and home. (((HUGS))) leafy [/QUOTE]
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