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Brother Keeps Lying and Stealing
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 731213" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hi. Does sound VERY likely that he may have some autism or something else but since he is in your parents house without a diagnosis, adult services (including Disability and a case manager) and your parents seem to either be clueless or won't make him advance then you are out of luck. I don't think disciplining a 29 year old like a little boy is helpful even if he has autism. I will talk about my 24 yr. old autistic son later. Your adult brother needs to be treated as an adult. You punish a Nine year old, not a 29 year old. You make a 29 year old become an adult. Are you his payee? Why do you have access to his bank account? Do you live with your parents too? Maybe it's time to go? Why do you think you can take over for your parents? You are busy and they are letting him stay there. I sure would not do what they are but this is up to them.</p><p></p><p>Nobody including you, can make an adult do ANYTHING legally (either bro or parents even if they are elderly). A few things your parents can easily do, if they are willing, is to stop paying the 29 year olds bills, never pay for stupid spending of his, stop washing his clothes, cleaning his room, cooking his meals...he is almost 30! He can take care of himself and he has to. Your parents won't live forever and nobody else will treat him like a little boy who is not responsible for his overspending and theft. He may act young. Society will treat him like his age. He probably needs assistance.</p><p></p><p>Your parents have the only leverage over him, such as informing him that if he doesn't apply for services (foodshare, welfare Medicaid AND get evaluated to see why he isn't functioning) he can no longer get money from them (he is way too old for that even if he Is disabled), stop paying for any toys and stop rescuing him if he steals. They can also give him three months to get a job and a place or he will have to go to a shelter. Now if he qualifies for Disability, which requires an evaluation, he would also qualify for a case manager who is extremely helpful to my particular son. I would think he needs Disability and if he were mine and refused to be evaluated, I would cry but I would make him leave so that maybe he will change his mind and get evaluated for services. That helps with housing!!!</p><p></p><p>If your parents are okay with his living there with no services, no treatment and with stealing, what can YOU do?. It is their home.</p><p></p><p>I would stop trying to control the situation. You have no way to do it and I am sure you have a busy life of your own. If your parents want to talk to us we will gladly share. Show them this site. It is hard to make some of our kids adult but I have a 24 year old autistic son who has a case manager,services, a job, lives independently and has his place and does his own household chores and cooking. He was always treated as if he could do what others can do and he is. But we worked hard to get him help in school and interventions for adults. As parents we worked as his advocate and he was and is very motivated to be independent. I feel treating him like our other kids and having high expectations really helped him. Not working was not an.optuon. He had The Workforce Development get him a job; plus his social security he has enough money. He has a payee to do his bills which your brother can also get IF he is diagnosed. It seems your parents didn't do this before but your brother can do this now. He will have to apply himself for Disability but you can go with.</p><p></p><p>You can't control your family. You can only control yourself. Send your parents here, ok?</p><p></p><p>Love and light!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 731213, member: 1550"] Hi. Does sound VERY likely that he may have some autism or something else but since he is in your parents house without a diagnosis, adult services (including Disability and a case manager) and your parents seem to either be clueless or won't make him advance then you are out of luck. I don't think disciplining a 29 year old like a little boy is helpful even if he has autism. I will talk about my 24 yr. old autistic son later. Your adult brother needs to be treated as an adult. You punish a Nine year old, not a 29 year old. You make a 29 year old become an adult. Are you his payee? Why do you have access to his bank account? Do you live with your parents too? Maybe it's time to go? Why do you think you can take over for your parents? You are busy and they are letting him stay there. I sure would not do what they are but this is up to them. Nobody including you, can make an adult do ANYTHING legally (either bro or parents even if they are elderly). A few things your parents can easily do, if they are willing, is to stop paying the 29 year olds bills, never pay for stupid spending of his, stop washing his clothes, cleaning his room, cooking his meals...he is almost 30! He can take care of himself and he has to. Your parents won't live forever and nobody else will treat him like a little boy who is not responsible for his overspending and theft. He may act young. Society will treat him like his age. He probably needs assistance. Your parents have the only leverage over him, such as informing him that if he doesn't apply for services (foodshare, welfare Medicaid AND get evaluated to see why he isn't functioning) he can no longer get money from them (he is way too old for that even if he Is disabled), stop paying for any toys and stop rescuing him if he steals. They can also give him three months to get a job and a place or he will have to go to a shelter. Now if he qualifies for Disability, which requires an evaluation, he would also qualify for a case manager who is extremely helpful to my particular son. I would think he needs Disability and if he were mine and refused to be evaluated, I would cry but I would make him leave so that maybe he will change his mind and get evaluated for services. That helps with housing!!! If your parents are okay with his living there with no services, no treatment and with stealing, what can YOU do?. It is their home. I would stop trying to control the situation. You have no way to do it and I am sure you have a busy life of your own. If your parents want to talk to us we will gladly share. Show them this site. It is hard to make some of our kids adult but I have a 24 year old autistic son who has a case manager,services, a job, lives independently and has his place and does his own household chores and cooking. He was always treated as if he could do what others can do and he is. But we worked hard to get him help in school and interventions for adults. As parents we worked as his advocate and he was and is very motivated to be independent. I feel treating him like our other kids and having high expectations really helped him. Not working was not an.optuon. He had The Workforce Development get him a job; plus his social security he has enough money. He has a payee to do his bills which your brother can also get IF he is diagnosed. It seems your parents didn't do this before but your brother can do this now. He will have to apply himself for Disability but you can go with. You can't control your family. You can only control yourself. Send your parents here, ok? Love and light!! [/QUOTE]
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