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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 637629" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Day, I think what you are talking about is the roller coaster of PTSD that many of us believe we have had, after dealing with difficult children for years and years and years. Feeling good, feeling awful, feeling surreal, feeling numb. The horror, the shock, the despair, the deep grief, the anger, the unrelenting nature of it all, and the powerlessness we must finally accept---that we can't do anything about any of it.</p><p></p><p>I believe all of these feelings are completely normal, and the best thing to do is to just....feel them. </p><p></p><p>Try hard not to ACT on them. I know they are so uncomfortable, and our usual MO is that we want to DO SOMETHING to stop the bad feelings. But if we can resist, and just feel our feelings, we can start to have major breakthroughs with ourselves. </p><p></p><p>We have to learn how to wait. Believe me, I used to be the absolute worst in the world at waiting. I loved to take action. Review the options, make a decision....and ACT! I was good at it, too. But not when it came to addiction. But I am also a very slow learner, and I have done it---acted---time and time and time again even after when I told myself I would not. It is very hard to change old habits. It is very hard to live with uncertainty and pain and discomfort. But it can be done. </p><p></p><p>It is a journey. It is a long, hard journey. <u>Your son is right where he needs to be. He is in the very best place possible and I hope he stays there long enough to get some true help. </u>Try to relax into that reality and turn your focus on yourself for a while. </p><p></p><p>I am so glad to read that you go to alanon and that you have spiritual direction. Keep on with all of that. You don't have to agree with everything said or discussed---just take what you like and leave the rest, just like on this board.</p><p></p><p>Every morsel that you expose yourself to is one more tiny step on your journey to recovery from what you have to deal with, with your precious son.</p><p></p><p>Your son is very young and I hope and pray that he can be helped. My son is now 25, and we are seeing some positive signs here, but I am very cautious about my heart, when it comes to anything concerning him. I have been through five years of absolute H___. </p><p></p><p>The good side of that is that I have changed a great deal, and I am very grateful for the positive changes in my own life. By that I mean I have worked hard to free myself of the need to control, manage and fix other people---all other people---in my life. I have worked hard on the topic of boundaries. The book Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend is a book I read over and over again, and I have shared it with many other people. Also, another book: Codependent No more by Melody Beattie is wonderful. She tells it exactly like it is. </p><p></p><p>Warm hugs for you today. Please keep us posted. We care here and we get it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 637629, member: 17542"] Day, I think what you are talking about is the roller coaster of PTSD that many of us believe we have had, after dealing with difficult children for years and years and years. Feeling good, feeling awful, feeling surreal, feeling numb. The horror, the shock, the despair, the deep grief, the anger, the unrelenting nature of it all, and the powerlessness we must finally accept---that we can't do anything about any of it. I believe all of these feelings are completely normal, and the best thing to do is to just....feel them. Try hard not to ACT on them. I know they are so uncomfortable, and our usual MO is that we want to DO SOMETHING to stop the bad feelings. But if we can resist, and just feel our feelings, we can start to have major breakthroughs with ourselves. We have to learn how to wait. Believe me, I used to be the absolute worst in the world at waiting. I loved to take action. Review the options, make a decision....and ACT! I was good at it, too. But not when it came to addiction. But I am also a very slow learner, and I have done it---acted---time and time and time again even after when I told myself I would not. It is very hard to change old habits. It is very hard to live with uncertainty and pain and discomfort. But it can be done. It is a journey. It is a long, hard journey. [U]Your son is right where he needs to be. He is in the very best place possible and I hope he stays there long enough to get some true help. [/U]Try to relax into that reality and turn your focus on yourself for a while. I am so glad to read that you go to alanon and that you have spiritual direction. Keep on with all of that. You don't have to agree with everything said or discussed---just take what you like and leave the rest, just like on this board. Every morsel that you expose yourself to is one more tiny step on your journey to recovery from what you have to deal with, with your precious son. Your son is very young and I hope and pray that he can be helped. My son is now 25, and we are seeing some positive signs here, but I am very cautious about my heart, when it comes to anything concerning him. I have been through five years of absolute H___. The good side of that is that I have changed a great deal, and I am very grateful for the positive changes in my own life. By that I mean I have worked hard to free myself of the need to control, manage and fix other people---all other people---in my life. I have worked hard on the topic of boundaries. The book Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend is a book I read over and over again, and I have shared it with many other people. Also, another book: Codependent No more by Melody Beattie is wonderful. She tells it exactly like it is. Warm hugs for you today. Please keep us posted. We care here and we get it. [/QUOTE]
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