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Call with-Sp Ed Teacher= Disheartening
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 621480" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>When you posted about her almost incomprehensible statements in the draft IEP (and it is only a draft until you sign off on it) I had bad vibes about this teacher's capability to rally understand how to cope with kids like this.</p><p></p><p>Whether he was addressing the girl or the t-shirt - someone needs to simply say, "The word is the problem. It's a bad word. Don't use it especially in a school setting." But the thing is, kids (even difficult children) use words in the setting where they have already experienced those words. So there are other kids using that word in the same setting. So why is HE suspended for it? Because he's a difficult child, because people are waiting to pounce, because he is seen as more of a problem than other kids for whom such things are let slide.</p><p></p><p>We went through this with difficult child 3. I got a note home from his class teacher saying, "He has to learn he can't call kids [bad word meaning homosexual; bad word meaning person of minimal intelligence] or nobody will want to be friends with him."</p><p>I pointed out that as she well know, he did not hear such terms in our home ever. And given the type of insult it was, I could 'hear' that it was the sort of insult that really mean kids throw at others. And difficult child 3 was not able to think up such stuff for himself. The [person of limited intelligence] part of the tag was clearly an insult that had previously been directed to difficult child 3. And the [bad word meaning homosexual] tag was a typical one used especially by mean boys about others they wanted to bully. In other words, difficult child 3 had been bullied, in the classroom, and being a fairly typical autistic had simply delivered the insult that had been used at him, back at the kid who had used it first.</p><p></p><p>It took some years before I could talk to difficult child 3 about it and get a comprehensible answer, but he did identify the source of the insult. Ironically, the kid who had bullied him has since turned out to be a moderately decent kid who has helped him when he was being attacked. We had to work at establishing a better relationship, but it is to the credit of both boys that we succeeded.</p><p></p><p>The thing is - schools are too ready to be hypercritical of the difficult children and at the same time, too forgiving of the kids who are around our difficult children and often are the trigger of bad situations.</p><p></p><p>Of course difficult child needs to learn how to behave more appropriately. And that should involve an apology. The girl he upset has to be big enough and brave enough to face him and accept the apology. She needs it, he needs it, and for the SpEd to suggest it shouldn't happen - well, the woman is nuts and should get a refresher course in how to do her job.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 621480, member: 1991"] When you posted about her almost incomprehensible statements in the draft IEP (and it is only a draft until you sign off on it) I had bad vibes about this teacher's capability to rally understand how to cope with kids like this. Whether he was addressing the girl or the t-shirt - someone needs to simply say, "The word is the problem. It's a bad word. Don't use it especially in a school setting." But the thing is, kids (even difficult children) use words in the setting where they have already experienced those words. So there are other kids using that word in the same setting. So why is HE suspended for it? Because he's a difficult child, because people are waiting to pounce, because he is seen as more of a problem than other kids for whom such things are let slide. We went through this with difficult child 3. I got a note home from his class teacher saying, "He has to learn he can't call kids [bad word meaning homosexual; bad word meaning person of minimal intelligence] or nobody will want to be friends with him." I pointed out that as she well know, he did not hear such terms in our home ever. And given the type of insult it was, I could 'hear' that it was the sort of insult that really mean kids throw at others. And difficult child 3 was not able to think up such stuff for himself. The [person of limited intelligence] part of the tag was clearly an insult that had previously been directed to difficult child 3. And the [bad word meaning homosexual] tag was a typical one used especially by mean boys about others they wanted to bully. In other words, difficult child 3 had been bullied, in the classroom, and being a fairly typical autistic had simply delivered the insult that had been used at him, back at the kid who had used it first. It took some years before I could talk to difficult child 3 about it and get a comprehensible answer, but he did identify the source of the insult. Ironically, the kid who had bullied him has since turned out to be a moderately decent kid who has helped him when he was being attacked. We had to work at establishing a better relationship, but it is to the credit of both boys that we succeeded. The thing is - schools are too ready to be hypercritical of the difficult children and at the same time, too forgiving of the kids who are around our difficult children and often are the trigger of bad situations. Of course difficult child needs to learn how to behave more appropriately. And that should involve an apology. The girl he upset has to be big enough and brave enough to face him and accept the apology. She needs it, he needs it, and for the SpEd to suggest it shouldn't happen - well, the woman is nuts and should get a refresher course in how to do her job. [/QUOTE]
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