Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Can an O.D.D child turn out ok?
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 607795" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Not all kids shower every day. Not all adults do. I actually don't think husband came up with a bad solution, at least not for a balky kid who doesn't want to shower AT ALL. But your wishes and desires are important as well. I think your biggest problem is that you are not on the same page and that you both feel your way is the right way and that you both view difficult child very differently. Also, you both are dealing with a very different child in different ways. I disagree that your son is trying to control you on purpose or to get his own way for the reasons that you think. I think he is a typical differently wired kid and they don't see social norms the way other people do. He probably has no idea why you are so adamant about the showering. I have a twenty year old autistic son and he does not understand why he should shower every day and at his age he can choose not to and there is nothing anyone can do. He doesn't always, yet he is very high functioning and doing very well. I really think it's mega-important for you and husband to find a way to pick your battles and compromise. If you want to stay as a couple, there is NO WAY you are going to CHANGE your husband and what he feels is important. There is only one person on earth you can change and that is yourself.</p><p></p><p>I do think you need to work on compromising...both of you. He needs to be willing to listen to you and your point of view and you need to listen to him and, although neither of you will be 100% happy with the results, you in my opinion need to parent difficult child together, with both of you making certain compromises. Since you are both coming from two very different places, this will be hard. Hub and you both need to give up your ideas of how to raise him. But if you don't, this scenario is going to play out over and over again until son is too old to parent and he will not listen to either of you...he will do what he feels is best for himself, even if one or both of you disagree. </p><p></p><p>I cringe sometimes at my son's hygiene habits, but they work for him and he's moving out next year. We have no control over how often he showers or brushes his teeth any longer. I guess we are grateful he is working, a happy young adult, well liked (he does have lots of buddies where he works) and is not in any legal trouble. When he wants to, he takes a shower. Having a best friend who showers every night (he often stays over at his friend's apartment) has had a good influence on him.</p><p></p><p>A really good rule of thumb when you are parenting your son is to throw out the rule book about "If he doesn't do it right now, he never will." That is really not true with these differently wired kids. Often they mature late and learn soscial skills/norms late. There is no way to know how your son will be at twenty just because he doesn't "get it" at ten. He may be socially age five. And he will mature in his own time. That doesn't mean he will choose to be the way you dreamed he'd be the day he was born or that he'll do everything according to social norms. But he can live a rich and fruitful life that makes him happy and productive. And you never know. He may turn into the exact opposite of what he is now, hygiene-wise, and shower twice a day!! One thing I've found out by raising a differently wired child is that they surprise!!!!</p><p></p><p>I hope you can resolve this with your husband and come to compromises that both of you can live with. Even if you stay together, your son knows you are not getting along and that isn't good for him either. </p><p></p><p>I am sorry you are going through this tough journey that none of us asked for, but that all of us have had to walk. We all understand your frustration. And, remember, you can not control or change your husband in any way just as he can not control or change YOU. Be sure to be good to yourself and take care of and love yourself and take the pressure off of yourself by telling yourself that you have no control over what anybody else does, including your husband. The little prayer below applies to everything in life, not just alcoholism, and if you don't have a God, you can leave Him out and start on the second word.</p><p></p><p>God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change,</p><p>the courage to change the things I can,</p><p>And the wisdom to know the difference.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 607795, member: 1550"] Not all kids shower every day. Not all adults do. I actually don't think husband came up with a bad solution, at least not for a balky kid who doesn't want to shower AT ALL. But your wishes and desires are important as well. I think your biggest problem is that you are not on the same page and that you both feel your way is the right way and that you both view difficult child very differently. Also, you both are dealing with a very different child in different ways. I disagree that your son is trying to control you on purpose or to get his own way for the reasons that you think. I think he is a typical differently wired kid and they don't see social norms the way other people do. He probably has no idea why you are so adamant about the showering. I have a twenty year old autistic son and he does not understand why he should shower every day and at his age he can choose not to and there is nothing anyone can do. He doesn't always, yet he is very high functioning and doing very well. I really think it's mega-important for you and husband to find a way to pick your battles and compromise. If you want to stay as a couple, there is NO WAY you are going to CHANGE your husband and what he feels is important. There is only one person on earth you can change and that is yourself. I do think you need to work on compromising...both of you. He needs to be willing to listen to you and your point of view and you need to listen to him and, although neither of you will be 100% happy with the results, you in my opinion need to parent difficult child together, with both of you making certain compromises. Since you are both coming from two very different places, this will be hard. Hub and you both need to give up your ideas of how to raise him. But if you don't, this scenario is going to play out over and over again until son is too old to parent and he will not listen to either of you...he will do what he feels is best for himself, even if one or both of you disagree. I cringe sometimes at my son's hygiene habits, but they work for him and he's moving out next year. We have no control over how often he showers or brushes his teeth any longer. I guess we are grateful he is working, a happy young adult, well liked (he does have lots of buddies where he works) and is not in any legal trouble. When he wants to, he takes a shower. Having a best friend who showers every night (he often stays over at his friend's apartment) has had a good influence on him. A really good rule of thumb when you are parenting your son is to throw out the rule book about "If he doesn't do it right now, he never will." That is really not true with these differently wired kids. Often they mature late and learn soscial skills/norms late. There is no way to know how your son will be at twenty just because he doesn't "get it" at ten. He may be socially age five. And he will mature in his own time. That doesn't mean he will choose to be the way you dreamed he'd be the day he was born or that he'll do everything according to social norms. But he can live a rich and fruitful life that makes him happy and productive. And you never know. He may turn into the exact opposite of what he is now, hygiene-wise, and shower twice a day!! One thing I've found out by raising a differently wired child is that they surprise!!!! I hope you can resolve this with your husband and come to compromises that both of you can live with. Even if you stay together, your son knows you are not getting along and that isn't good for him either. I am sorry you are going through this tough journey that none of us asked for, but that all of us have had to walk. We all understand your frustration. And, remember, you can not control or change your husband in any way just as he can not control or change YOU. Be sure to be good to yourself and take care of and love yourself and take the pressure off of yourself by telling yourself that you have no control over what anybody else does, including your husband. The little prayer below applies to everything in life, not just alcoholism, and if you don't have a God, you can leave Him out and start on the second word. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Can an O.D.D child turn out ok?
Top