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<blockquote data-quote="stressbunny" data-source="post: 598787"><p>Thanks for the great responses. I appreciate your time posting.</p><p></p><p><strong>Update</strong>: After I left the room with Bubby when he refused to give me his i-pod, I went upstairs to post here. I continued to ignore his ranting downstairs. I focused on cleaning the bathrooms and distracting myself from my rising anger, hurt, and utter frustration. About 40 minutes later, Bubby came upstairs to tell me that he had thrown away the "tickets" he wrote us. He was ready to drop it and move on, perhaps because he was hungry and wanted me to fix him something to eat. While he didn't toss the sticky note tickets when I wanted him to, it's still a breakthrough that he did at all, because he has refused repeatedly up to this point. He didn't bring up the issue any more the rest of the day or evening. What a relief! I didn't end up taking the i-pod since he eventually did what I asked, but maybe I should have anyway. I feel inadequate largely because I really don't know what to do in many situations. He did what I wanted him to do, just not in the time I would have liked.</p><p></p><p>In the future, I am definitely going to look into the Wi-Fi disabling and use of i-tunes to control things. He is no longer in school, and when he was, he brought the i-pod with him for use on the bus and after school.</p><p></p><p>I wouldn't be surprised if there is a missing diagnosis, i.e. Auditory Processing Disorders (APD), mentioned earlier. And, puberty is just beginning, so I'm sure that is causing some changes that affect behavior as well. </p><p></p><p>We've had in-home intensive autism therapy for Bubby in the past (for about 1 1/2 years), and this did help his social functioning, i.e. taking turns, participating in conversations, self care, and responsibility. He "graduated" out of that, but I'm definitely open to getting more behavioral help of some sort.</p><p></p><p>I think part of the problem is that Bubby's day is not structured. We are so focused on preventing/dealing with meltdowns that we're not doing enough in the way of requirements and expectations of him. For example, he should have some chores and responsibilities around the house. The truth is he has very few because during the school year, our main goal is to get him to do his homework, which takes up the majority of every evening. I would like to develop more of a routine for the summer. He is home with me on most days because I work in education and have time off during the summer months. Ideally, I would like to do more than just survive each day. I would like Bubby to develop life skills and function better at home and in the world. I would like to work on some academic areas in which he needs help, and most of all, I want to have a positive relationship with him.</p><p></p><p>I do feel torn about using yet another medication, such as Risperdal. If it were to help these symptoms (extreme irritability and verbal/physical aggression), it would be great. Yet, I find the risk of known side effects to be quite unacceptable. Everyone has to make a decision they think is best in their given situation. I realize there is also a risk to not using medication. I'm just not comfortable with the health risks involved in using Risperdal. By the time the side effects appear, they may already be permanent.</p><p></p><p>Traditional parenting techniques can really backfire, and I think that's the challenge we're all facing. Our kids' are neurologically different than most, and as a result, our methods for helping them must be adjusted. Our biggest problem is that in the face of even the biggest consequence (natural or otherwise), our difficult child does not modify his behaviors. Even when it is obviously in his best interest to do so. Lack of ability to self regulate behaviors and emotions, modify behaviors, and generalize learning have a significant life impact on these children. I know you all understand, and boy, what a challenge we have in parenting them well.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="stressbunny, post: 598787"] Thanks for the great responses. I appreciate your time posting. [B]Update[/B]: After I left the room with Bubby when he refused to give me his i-pod, I went upstairs to post here. I continued to ignore his ranting downstairs. I focused on cleaning the bathrooms and distracting myself from my rising anger, hurt, and utter frustration. About 40 minutes later, Bubby came upstairs to tell me that he had thrown away the "tickets" he wrote us. He was ready to drop it and move on, perhaps because he was hungry and wanted me to fix him something to eat. While he didn't toss the sticky note tickets when I wanted him to, it's still a breakthrough that he did at all, because he has refused repeatedly up to this point. He didn't bring up the issue any more the rest of the day or evening. What a relief! I didn't end up taking the i-pod since he eventually did what I asked, but maybe I should have anyway. I feel inadequate largely because I really don't know what to do in many situations. He did what I wanted him to do, just not in the time I would have liked. In the future, I am definitely going to look into the Wi-Fi disabling and use of i-tunes to control things. He is no longer in school, and when he was, he brought the i-pod with him for use on the bus and after school. I wouldn't be surprised if there is a missing diagnosis, i.e. Auditory Processing Disorders (APD), mentioned earlier. And, puberty is just beginning, so I'm sure that is causing some changes that affect behavior as well. We've had in-home intensive autism therapy for Bubby in the past (for about 1 1/2 years), and this did help his social functioning, i.e. taking turns, participating in conversations, self care, and responsibility. He "graduated" out of that, but I'm definitely open to getting more behavioral help of some sort. I think part of the problem is that Bubby's day is not structured. We are so focused on preventing/dealing with meltdowns that we're not doing enough in the way of requirements and expectations of him. For example, he should have some chores and responsibilities around the house. The truth is he has very few because during the school year, our main goal is to get him to do his homework, which takes up the majority of every evening. I would like to develop more of a routine for the summer. He is home with me on most days because I work in education and have time off during the summer months. Ideally, I would like to do more than just survive each day. I would like Bubby to develop life skills and function better at home and in the world. I would like to work on some academic areas in which he needs help, and most of all, I want to have a positive relationship with him. I do feel torn about using yet another medication, such as Risperdal. If it were to help these symptoms (extreme irritability and verbal/physical aggression), it would be great. Yet, I find the risk of known side effects to be quite unacceptable. Everyone has to make a decision they think is best in their given situation. I realize there is also a risk to not using medication. I'm just not comfortable with the health risks involved in using Risperdal. By the time the side effects appear, they may already be permanent. Traditional parenting techniques can really backfire, and I think that's the challenge we're all facing. Our kids' are neurologically different than most, and as a result, our methods for helping them must be adjusted. Our biggest problem is that in the face of even the biggest consequence (natural or otherwise), our difficult child does not modify his behaviors. Even when it is obviously in his best interest to do so. Lack of ability to self regulate behaviors and emotions, modify behaviors, and generalize learning have a significant life impact on these children. I know you all understand, and boy, what a challenge we have in parenting them well. [/QUOTE]
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