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Substance Abuse
Can we stop the train crash?
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<blockquote data-quote="MissLulu" data-source="post: 758907" data-attributes="member: 24721"><p>Welcome Sunshine, </p><p></p><p>I am sorry for the circumstances that bring you here but glad you found us.</p><p></p><p>My son is almost 25. He had some mild learning difficulties at school but wasn't really a problem until after he turned 18. After school he struggled to find his way in the world, turned to alcohol and marijuana and spent much of his time playing video games. </p><p></p><p>He's been diagnosed with anxiety and depression, but I strongly suspect he has other mental health or personality disorders. He may be diagnosed with these, or not. I don't know, because he doesn't share any of his medical stuff with us. He was seeing a psychologist but now claims not to be able to afford it. I have offered multiple times to pay for his therapy but he refuses this.</p><p></p><p>Right now he is working full time and living away from us. He lives in a house we own and he shares the house with three other people. He pays rent and we treat him like we would any other tenant. We have someone managing the property on our behalf. Other than providing access to this home, we do not have any active role in his life. I've stopped calling him, unless there is a reason to (eg mail delivered here for him.) He is welcome here to visit, but only if he is respectful. This is working out for us, but it's been a long hard road to get to this point and he still causes me grief.</p><p></p><p>He was just here five minutes ago and mentioned that some of his housemates are moving out and he will need to find other people to move in with him. (Frankly, I'm surprised the current housemates have lasted this long. He is impossible to live with.) He was ranting about the housemates moving out and I had to walk away from him. He was saying how he didn't want to live with "randoms" (people he doesn't know) and would probably end up living in his car. I know this is a manipulation of me, and I didn't react, but inside I felt sick. Obviously I don't want him to be homeless. But I have resigned myself to not getting involved in his decisions anymore. He is an adult. It's up to him how he lives his life, not me. All I can control is how I live my life. </p><p></p><p>Your son is legally a child, but not for much longer. Something you might like to think about is how things might change (if at all) when you are no longer legally responsible for him. It might be an idea to discuss this with your husband/partner and perhaps decide what boundaries you will have in place for him going forward.</p><p></p><p>The thing I struggle with the most is the worry of "what next?" I am really working on trying to let this go. I seriously think I have PTSD from years of dealing with my son. I am triggered every time I see him and spiral into thinking about what the future might hold for him. Even though he's gone from my house, I'm still living with the fallout from his actions. Thankfully this forum has helped to set boundaries and to let go. I have many good days now. I hope you will find as much comfort here as I have.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="MissLulu, post: 758907, member: 24721"] Welcome Sunshine, I am sorry for the circumstances that bring you here but glad you found us. My son is almost 25. He had some mild learning difficulties at school but wasn't really a problem until after he turned 18. After school he struggled to find his way in the world, turned to alcohol and marijuana and spent much of his time playing video games. He's been diagnosed with anxiety and depression, but I strongly suspect he has other mental health or personality disorders. He may be diagnosed with these, or not. I don't know, because he doesn't share any of his medical stuff with us. He was seeing a psychologist but now claims not to be able to afford it. I have offered multiple times to pay for his therapy but he refuses this. Right now he is working full time and living away from us. He lives in a house we own and he shares the house with three other people. He pays rent and we treat him like we would any other tenant. We have someone managing the property on our behalf. Other than providing access to this home, we do not have any active role in his life. I've stopped calling him, unless there is a reason to (eg mail delivered here for him.) He is welcome here to visit, but only if he is respectful. This is working out for us, but it's been a long hard road to get to this point and he still causes me grief. He was just here five minutes ago and mentioned that some of his housemates are moving out and he will need to find other people to move in with him. (Frankly, I'm surprised the current housemates have lasted this long. He is impossible to live with.) He was ranting about the housemates moving out and I had to walk away from him. He was saying how he didn't want to live with "randoms" (people he doesn't know) and would probably end up living in his car. I know this is a manipulation of me, and I didn't react, but inside I felt sick. Obviously I don't want him to be homeless. But I have resigned myself to not getting involved in his decisions anymore. He is an adult. It's up to him how he lives his life, not me. All I can control is how I live my life. Your son is legally a child, but not for much longer. Something you might like to think about is how things might change (if at all) when you are no longer legally responsible for him. It might be an idea to discuss this with your husband/partner and perhaps decide what boundaries you will have in place for him going forward. The thing I struggle with the most is the worry of "what next?" I am really working on trying to let this go. I seriously think I have PTSD from years of dealing with my son. I am triggered every time I see him and spiral into thinking about what the future might hold for him. Even though he's gone from my house, I'm still living with the fallout from his actions. Thankfully this forum has helped to set boundaries and to let go. I have many good days now. I hope you will find as much comfort here as I have. [/QUOTE]
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