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<blockquote data-quote="dstc_99" data-source="post: 626995" data-attributes="member: 15473">I think boundaries are controlling. They control what you will and will not allow to happen to you. in my humble opinion its sort of like saying you will wear a seatbelt....should you be faced with an accident you choose not to participate in additional harm. IE: Should you choose to talk to SIS you choose not to allow her to cause you additional stress.&nbsp;Do I think they are selfish...not unless you consider protecting your sanity/health/body selfish.&nbsp;Do I think they are manipulative......yes they manipulate your relationships. Why because they allow you to take something bad/stressful/hurtful and mold it into something less bad/stressful/hurtful.&nbsp;Should you feel bad about it? NOPE. She has a messed up relationship and you have listened and provided advice for three years. She has chosen not to take that advice and now you are chosing not to listen to the talk. Sounds pretty simple to me. Why would you listen if you get stressed out by it and she has no intention of changing it. Why not say when you are ready to leave the relationship I will be happy to listen and support you. Until then listening to you describe abuse is traumatizing to me and I can't handle that if you aren't willing to change anything.</blockquote>

[QUOTE="dstc_99, post: 626995, member: 15473"] I think boundaries are controlling. They control what you will and will not allow to happen to you. in my humble opinion its sort of like saying you will wear a seatbelt....should you be faced with an accident you choose not to participate in additional harm. IE: Should you choose to talk to SIS you choose not to allow her to cause you additional stress. Do I think they are selfish...not unless you consider protecting your sanity/health/body selfish. Do I think they are manipulative......yes they manipulate your relationships. Why because they allow you to take something bad/stressful/hurtful and mold it into something less bad/stressful/hurtful. Should you feel bad about it? NOPE. She has a messed up relationship and you have listened and provided advice for three years. She has chosen not to take that advice and now you are chosing not to listen to the talk. Sounds pretty simple to me. Why would you listen if you get stressed out by it and she has no intention of changing it. Why not say when you are ready to leave the relationship I will be happy to listen and support you. Until then listening to you describe abuse is traumatizing to me and I can't handle that if you aren't willing to change anything. [/QUOTE]

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