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Can we talk about what boundaries really mean?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 627019" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Thank you all. My sister is a strange bird . She cut off my brother when she was younger and he was not invited to her huge wedding. She made it better with him later on. The funny thing is, as horrible as she was to him, he believes she really loved him and forgave her. Remember, I'm the bad guy in the family. My brother was rejected by my sister for being "ugly and looking like he's gay." He has no idea she shunned him for those reasons. At least, I'm sure she never told him, but she used to talk to me about him looking "gross" all the time. For years she didn't want anyone to know he was her brother.</p><p></p><p>She was thirty when she got married, not twenty. My Mom's favorite was my brother, yet she screamed at my sister to invite him but found a way to forgive my sister for NOT inviting him to her wedding. But, yep, Mom cut me out of her life. Our family dynamics make little sense. My brother is closer to Sis than me, although he lives in NJ and isn't close, really, to either of us. She really got him to forget all the bad stuff, but I swear now he'S angry at me for reasons I don't know. Go figure. I don't really care anymore. The dynamics of the family is that it's my fault. And I bought it for years. Although that is still the dynamic with Sis and Bro, I really do not buy it. I think they're wacked, really, and that Sis is mean-spirited. This is a shock to me. I always told myself she was the nice one and I was the dog. Looking back, it was never that way.</p><p></p><p>This texting war with my sister showed me a side of her I had never seen because she usually just cuts me off cold. She does not normally engage me AT ALL so she doesn't spew the venom. Her silence was her punishment. She once would not talk to me for three years because my mother, of all people, told her that I was telling her nasty stuff about her, which was sort of true one night about ten years before this incident, but it was also an attempt for me to show my mother that her ignoring my sister was harming her and causing her to do harmful things to herself.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Because my mother told her that, she would not talk to me for three years nor even tell me why she was angry. To this day she has never heard my side of something that she thought was so horrible that she cut me off for three years and called the cops when I went over to her house to try to find out why she wouldn't talk to me.</p><p></p><p>Three whole years over this and no explanation. Yes, she cut me off TEN YEARS after it even happened for THREE YEARS and still thinks it was ok. She doesn't think it was a bit much or that it could have been worked out. I did bring this up in our texting fighting and she got all defensive and said it's in the past and we have different memories...she refuses to allow me to talk about the painful issue of my mother disowning me. But I have to listen to her talk about this boyfriend who is a real kook and dangerous. Anyone who is a kook, with anger and drinks until he blacks out is dangerous. I think she is partly why she is being so vile, but maybe s he was always this way and I didn't see it because she would cut me off...thus not letting me see her at all.</p><p></p><p>You really can not reason with my sister when she is angry. I tried. She wrote me one last text, which I didn't see until after I posted this thread. It was "I may need more time than just a few days."</p><p></p><p>I wrote back that this was fine, so did I, and I called her "sweet sissy" (she's not). I am relieved. I don't really want to talk to her. Actually, I'm, not sure I even want to know her. She can go from being nice to being so incredibly vile and I don't want to fight with anyone. I just want peace in my life.</p><p></p><p>I guess I will have another chunk of time when I don't talk to Sissy, but this time I have to do some serious thinking. She was REALLY nasty and vindicative over basically just a request not to talk to me about her boyfriend. Frankly, I don't ever want to hear about him again. It stresses me out to no end. I have a lot going on now. Hubby and I are moving. Jumper is graduating (Mom is so shocked and even a little sad). Sonic is moving to his own apartment. Julie is having my first granddaughter...yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!! I have a new job that I like a lot.</p><p></p><p>I can not have this toxicity in my life. I am not sure what to do about it. She is my only relative in our very small family, other than my father, that I have any contact with. In a way, I value that. In a way, I think about my own beliefs that DNA connections don't make people more special and that maybe it is best just to see what she does and to absolutely forbid her to be abusive anymore.</p><p></p><p>What do you think I should respond if she texts me yet again in order to get the last word in? Better yet, does anyone know how to send her e-mail automatically to spam? I really don't text so I don't read my phone, just my e-mail. She can text my phone all day and I won't see it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 627019, member: 1550"] Thank you all. My sister is a strange bird . She cut off my brother when she was younger and he was not invited to her huge wedding. She made it better with him later on. The funny thing is, as horrible as she was to him, he believes she really loved him and forgave her. Remember, I'm the bad guy in the family. My brother was rejected by my sister for being "ugly and looking like he's gay." He has no idea she shunned him for those reasons. At least, I'm sure she never told him, but she used to talk to me about him looking "gross" all the time. For years she didn't want anyone to know he was her brother. She was thirty when she got married, not twenty. My Mom's favorite was my brother, yet she screamed at my sister to invite him but found a way to forgive my sister for NOT inviting him to her wedding. But, yep, Mom cut me out of her life. Our family dynamics make little sense. My brother is closer to Sis than me, although he lives in NJ and isn't close, really, to either of us. She really got him to forget all the bad stuff, but I swear now he'S angry at me for reasons I don't know. Go figure. I don't really care anymore. The dynamics of the family is that it's my fault. And I bought it for years. Although that is still the dynamic with Sis and Bro, I really do not buy it. I think they're wacked, really, and that Sis is mean-spirited. This is a shock to me. I always told myself she was the nice one and I was the dog. Looking back, it was never that way. This texting war with my sister showed me a side of her I had never seen because she usually just cuts me off cold. She does not normally engage me AT ALL so she doesn't spew the venom. Her silence was her punishment. She once would not talk to me for three years because my mother, of all people, told her that I was telling her nasty stuff about her, which was sort of true one night about ten years before this incident, but it was also an attempt for me to show my mother that her ignoring my sister was harming her and causing her to do harmful things to herself. Because my mother told her that, she would not talk to me for three years nor even tell me why she was angry. To this day she has never heard my side of something that she thought was so horrible that she cut me off for three years and called the cops when I went over to her house to try to find out why she wouldn't talk to me. Three whole years over this and no explanation. Yes, she cut me off TEN YEARS after it even happened for THREE YEARS and still thinks it was ok. She doesn't think it was a bit much or that it could have been worked out. I did bring this up in our texting fighting and she got all defensive and said it's in the past and we have different memories...she refuses to allow me to talk about the painful issue of my mother disowning me. But I have to listen to her talk about this boyfriend who is a real kook and dangerous. Anyone who is a kook, with anger and drinks until he blacks out is dangerous. I think she is partly why she is being so vile, but maybe s he was always this way and I didn't see it because she would cut me off...thus not letting me see her at all. You really can not reason with my sister when she is angry. I tried. She wrote me one last text, which I didn't see until after I posted this thread. It was "I may need more time than just a few days." I wrote back that this was fine, so did I, and I called her "sweet sissy" (she's not). I am relieved. I don't really want to talk to her. Actually, I'm, not sure I even want to know her. She can go from being nice to being so incredibly vile and I don't want to fight with anyone. I just want peace in my life. I guess I will have another chunk of time when I don't talk to Sissy, but this time I have to do some serious thinking. She was REALLY nasty and vindicative over basically just a request not to talk to me about her boyfriend. Frankly, I don't ever want to hear about him again. It stresses me out to no end. I have a lot going on now. Hubby and I are moving. Jumper is graduating (Mom is so shocked and even a little sad). Sonic is moving to his own apartment. Julie is having my first granddaughter...yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!! I have a new job that I like a lot. I can not have this toxicity in my life. I am not sure what to do about it. She is my only relative in our very small family, other than my father, that I have any contact with. In a way, I value that. In a way, I think about my own beliefs that DNA connections don't make people more special and that maybe it is best just to see what she does and to absolutely forbid her to be abusive anymore. What do you think I should respond if she texts me yet again in order to get the last word in? Better yet, does anyone know how to send her e-mail automatically to spam? I really don't text so I don't read my phone, just my e-mail. She can text my phone all day and I won't see it. [/QUOTE]
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