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Parent Emeritus
Can we talk about what boundaries really mean?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 627030" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>COM, you ARE my family and I hope I am yours. Long ago I realized my DNA collection was not your normal or even close-to-normal family. I just really always loved my little sister a lot. She's seven years younger than me and after I stopped teasing her as a little kid, I admired her for what I thought was her amazing poise and balance in the face of having lived in a loony bin.</p><p></p><p>What I'm finding out is that she was just better at hiding her own serious problems than I was. And because I was more aware that I had problems I got help much earlier. She just started therapy this year for the first time in her life even though she knows he has had a lifelong battle with anorexia. One of the big reasons I was the family black sheep was that I dared to talk out loud about our dysfunction. So they, in turn, needed to think that since I was the only one talking about it, it wasn't true and that I was just causing trouble. </p><p></p><p>My sister has done this little on again/off again all our lives and last time I vowed we were done. I don't think I'll make that promise this time because I don't know if I can keep t hat promise to myself. But with the way she threw the secrets I had told her in my face in a demeaning way, never again will she get anything more out of me than what the weather is like or if I talked to Dad lately. All deep conversation is forever over as she lost my trust. She doesn't have to know what I'm up to and I'd rather not know what she is doing. Before she met this loser boyfriend, she was sleeping with a married man. I was shocked and mortified. He wasn't separated or anything...he was a married man who was going to stay married and whose wife had no idea it was going on. And she did it for a long time. And she would cry if he didn't call her like she cries when her boyfriend treats her like garbage. </p><p></p><p>I'm not saying she's immoral. I don't judge people as I have not yet been told I am a Higher Power. However, I could not do something like that. Her and I are very different people. I think we should stop trying to make a close sisterhood work. My life is so good now. This really threw a kink into my attempt at peace and I need to get it back.</p><p></p><p>Thanks to all of you for giving me a great perspective. I know I've said this before, but I love you all.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 627030, member: 1550"] COM, you ARE my family and I hope I am yours. Long ago I realized my DNA collection was not your normal or even close-to-normal family. I just really always loved my little sister a lot. She's seven years younger than me and after I stopped teasing her as a little kid, I admired her for what I thought was her amazing poise and balance in the face of having lived in a loony bin. What I'm finding out is that she was just better at hiding her own serious problems than I was. And because I was more aware that I had problems I got help much earlier. She just started therapy this year for the first time in her life even though she knows he has had a lifelong battle with anorexia. One of the big reasons I was the family black sheep was that I dared to talk out loud about our dysfunction. So they, in turn, needed to think that since I was the only one talking about it, it wasn't true and that I was just causing trouble. My sister has done this little on again/off again all our lives and last time I vowed we were done. I don't think I'll make that promise this time because I don't know if I can keep t hat promise to myself. But with the way she threw the secrets I had told her in my face in a demeaning way, never again will she get anything more out of me than what the weather is like or if I talked to Dad lately. All deep conversation is forever over as she lost my trust. She doesn't have to know what I'm up to and I'd rather not know what she is doing. Before she met this loser boyfriend, she was sleeping with a married man. I was shocked and mortified. He wasn't separated or anything...he was a married man who was going to stay married and whose wife had no idea it was going on. And she did it for a long time. And she would cry if he didn't call her like she cries when her boyfriend treats her like garbage. I'm not saying she's immoral. I don't judge people as I have not yet been told I am a Higher Power. However, I could not do something like that. Her and I are very different people. I think we should stop trying to make a close sisterhood work. My life is so good now. This really threw a kink into my attempt at peace and I need to get it back. Thanks to all of you for giving me a great perspective. I know I've said this before, but I love you all. [/QUOTE]
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Can we talk about what boundaries really mean?
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