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Can you forgive him forever?
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<blockquote data-quote="Smithmom" data-source="post: 742401" data-attributes="member: 23371"><p>Just a couple of thoughts while I am digesting for those who don't know the situation.</p><p></p><p>My oldest is in prison on a 10 yr sentence. Probably another 5- 6 yrs left. I don't know or keep track. The only communication is by email. Every week or two. That's over as he has disowned me. </p><p></p><p>My middle one lives in my town. I see him every few months. Talk once a wk on avg for 10 to 20 minutes. Our relationship is strained by his ADHD impulsive actions and words. He calls when he does something foolish. He overreacts at every point. Sometimes I can calm him down. Sometimes everything I say he interprets as wrong, critical, etc. This is not just his relationship with me. It is his world. Once a call goes negative its over. I will hang up rather than let him carry on at me. This is verbal hyperactivity. If he calls just to tell me he loves me and apologize for the last call its 5 minutes or less.</p><p></p><p>My youngest lives with me and is an autistic work in progress. Improves all the time. He will never live independently. He chooses to live with me vs a group home.</p><p></p><p>I am very happy with my life. My physical health I'm not happy with. My youngest is a joy who makes me smile all the time. The oldest two don't ruin my life at all. I encouraged and nurtured independence all their lives and still do. If the older two were close the constant drama would ruin my life. </p><p></p><p>Forgiveness has always been in my heart. It was never something I had to do. It just was. This is different because he's doing it intentionally.</p><p></p><p>I hear the suggestion that this doesn't affect my daily life so I should just put it aside. Ignore it. I've not found that to be healthy for me. For me its healthier to face my problems, deal with them and then move on.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Smithmom, post: 742401, member: 23371"] Just a couple of thoughts while I am digesting for those who don't know the situation. My oldest is in prison on a 10 yr sentence. Probably another 5- 6 yrs left. I don't know or keep track. The only communication is by email. Every week or two. That's over as he has disowned me. My middle one lives in my town. I see him every few months. Talk once a wk on avg for 10 to 20 minutes. Our relationship is strained by his ADHD impulsive actions and words. He calls when he does something foolish. He overreacts at every point. Sometimes I can calm him down. Sometimes everything I say he interprets as wrong, critical, etc. This is not just his relationship with me. It is his world. Once a call goes negative its over. I will hang up rather than let him carry on at me. This is verbal hyperactivity. If he calls just to tell me he loves me and apologize for the last call its 5 minutes or less. My youngest lives with me and is an autistic work in progress. Improves all the time. He will never live independently. He chooses to live with me vs a group home. I am very happy with my life. My physical health I'm not happy with. My youngest is a joy who makes me smile all the time. The oldest two don't ruin my life at all. I encouraged and nurtured independence all their lives and still do. If the older two were close the constant drama would ruin my life. Forgiveness has always been in my heart. It was never something I had to do. It just was. This is different because he's doing it intentionally. I hear the suggestion that this doesn't affect my daily life so I should just put it aside. Ignore it. I've not found that to be healthy for me. For me its healthier to face my problems, deal with them and then move on. [/QUOTE]
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