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Can you forgive him forever?
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 742403" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I for one do not think this. What I meant to say is that there is a way that we can see many, many challenges as internal to us....I do not mean in a reactive way. I mean, more as "grist for the mill" (a phrase I hate.) All we have, all of us, is our inner lives, our choices, to deal with here. We do not control in life what comes at us. </p><p></p><p>But if you think about it, that's everything. What son is throwing your way is a means to define yourself. It would not be to me in the main a problem to be solved, although my default would be to feel and perceive it to be. What I would hope to come to is this is a challenge to become a better person and be part of a better world because that is what I define my life to be, now that I am closer to the end that the beginning.</p><p>We have choices about how we define our problem. And how we define our problems is everything. Your problem right now could be defined as maltreatment by your son, or it could be defined as a relationship problem, or as a parenting problem, or as a communication problem, or it could be described as a challenge to your identity and a call for you to redefine yourself; a call to yourself to respond differently. Your call.</p><p></p><p>When problems with others are with those who are peripheral to us, it is a different thing that a problem with an adult child. This calls to a part of us that is beyond a problem out there, in the universe. It is something that calls to our tissues, our blood, our heart, our very selves. </p><p></p><p>I am not telling you how to be or to choose. I am writing to myself, because this is what I am coming to. Have a class now. Will check back later today.</p><p></p><p>Be well.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 742403, member: 18958"] I for one do not think this. What I meant to say is that there is a way that we can see many, many challenges as internal to us....I do not mean in a reactive way. I mean, more as "grist for the mill" (a phrase I hate.) All we have, all of us, is our inner lives, our choices, to deal with here. We do not control in life what comes at us. But if you think about it, that's everything. What son is throwing your way is a means to define yourself. It would not be to me in the main a problem to be solved, although my default would be to feel and perceive it to be. What I would hope to come to is this is a challenge to become a better person and be part of a better world because that is what I define my life to be, now that I am closer to the end that the beginning. We have choices about how we define our problem. And how we define our problems is everything. Your problem right now could be defined as maltreatment by your son, or it could be defined as a relationship problem, or as a parenting problem, or as a communication problem, or it could be described as a challenge to your identity and a call for you to redefine yourself; a call to yourself to respond differently. Your call. When problems with others are with those who are peripheral to us, it is a different thing that a problem with an adult child. This calls to a part of us that is beyond a problem out there, in the universe. It is something that calls to our tissues, our blood, our heart, our very selves. I am not telling you how to be or to choose. I am writing to myself, because this is what I am coming to. Have a class now. Will check back later today. Be well. [/QUOTE]
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Can you forgive him forever?
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