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Can you forgive him forever?
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<blockquote data-quote="Smithmom" data-source="post: 742433" data-attributes="member: 23371"><p>I'm struggling with not defining a boundary here. I set one by saying that I will not give him this info in his current frame of mind. He responded by setting a boundary saying our relationship is over. Is it? Of course not. But what he means is that he will have no further communication with me ever. Does he mean that? Of course not, at least I don't think so. 3+ mo now I've done nothing. Can I just go on until the day he writes and apologizes? I don't think so. I don't think I can let him go on hurting me this way, intentionally every day. I don't want this pain in my life. I don't deserve it. Why should I put up with this? I want an end to it. That end is telling him that I accept his boundary. That our relationship is over. That I will never accept his apology for this because it is intentional. It is not like the thousands of times I've forgiven and moved on. I will not be his punching bag. He's angry at the world ok. But that does not give him the right to hurt me in every way he can. He may be able to spin some story on his vulnerable brother. But that doesn't give him the right to try to hurt me by destroying my relationship with my other son. Will I stick to this if he apologizes and asks to go back to our relationship now. Probably. 5 years from now? Who knows but I don't think so.</p><p></p><p>I started this post because I wanted to know if anyone had gone past the point of forgiveness. The answer is no. Better people than I perhaps. But we've all walked different paths. I'm over 60 and my mother still verbally abuses me and treats my children and i like dirt. Yes, she suffers from anxiety disorder. But I ended that because I endured it from birth. I said no more. I never deserved it and my children certainly didn't. This is just too much like that. Years of letting someone treat me like crap because of a familial relationship. I just can't do it again. I honestly have no love left for my mother. Yes, it took some therapy to realize that I didn't owe my mother myself as a punching bag because she gave birth to me. And so I don't feel that I owe him a mother as vessel to focus his anger on.</p><p></p><p>Thank you all. I have taken aboard all of your thoughts and advice. I have digested it all and this is what my heart says is the right thing for me. I am not wonder woman. I am not you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Smithmom, post: 742433, member: 23371"] I'm struggling with not defining a boundary here. I set one by saying that I will not give him this info in his current frame of mind. He responded by setting a boundary saying our relationship is over. Is it? Of course not. But what he means is that he will have no further communication with me ever. Does he mean that? Of course not, at least I don't think so. 3+ mo now I've done nothing. Can I just go on until the day he writes and apologizes? I don't think so. I don't think I can let him go on hurting me this way, intentionally every day. I don't want this pain in my life. I don't deserve it. Why should I put up with this? I want an end to it. That end is telling him that I accept his boundary. That our relationship is over. That I will never accept his apology for this because it is intentional. It is not like the thousands of times I've forgiven and moved on. I will not be his punching bag. He's angry at the world ok. But that does not give him the right to hurt me in every way he can. He may be able to spin some story on his vulnerable brother. But that doesn't give him the right to try to hurt me by destroying my relationship with my other son. Will I stick to this if he apologizes and asks to go back to our relationship now. Probably. 5 years from now? Who knows but I don't think so. I started this post because I wanted to know if anyone had gone past the point of forgiveness. The answer is no. Better people than I perhaps. But we've all walked different paths. I'm over 60 and my mother still verbally abuses me and treats my children and i like dirt. Yes, she suffers from anxiety disorder. But I ended that because I endured it from birth. I said no more. I never deserved it and my children certainly didn't. This is just too much like that. Years of letting someone treat me like crap because of a familial relationship. I just can't do it again. I honestly have no love left for my mother. Yes, it took some therapy to realize that I didn't owe my mother myself as a punching bag because she gave birth to me. And so I don't feel that I owe him a mother as vessel to focus his anger on. Thank you all. I have taken aboard all of your thoughts and advice. I have digested it all and this is what my heart says is the right thing for me. I am not wonder woman. I am not you. [/QUOTE]
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