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Can you forgive him forever?
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<blockquote data-quote="Smithmom" data-source="post: 742465" data-attributes="member: 23371"><p>Read and digesting.</p><p></p><p>I guess part of this is that he's 28 and sober a few years now. He's not a kid anymore. This is the real him. Making an adult decision every day to hurt me. Probably figuring out what to say to his bro to make him hurt me too.</p><p></p><p>The chunk of why I ultimately can't have a relationship with my mother (age 94) is because she continues to inflict pain every moment she can. And its not just illness talking. Its intentional. I first cut off our contact in my mid 20s. At the time I was in contact with my aunt, her sister. She couldn't spread venom there because my aunt had lived with it every day of her life. But to do holidays I had to pretend. So very, very minimal contact. Enough to not make my aunt suffer as a go-between. When my kids came along I thought they deserved a grandmother so opened contact. And she would have hounded me anyway cause she wanted grandkids, in a wallet anyway. That never worked because she never liked kids. Cut her off when she refused to acknowledge my oldest because of his behaviors. </p><p></p><p>From my son its daily pain now too. Its not the past or the future. Its today's pain. Letting it be doesn't stop the pain.</p><p></p><p>What changed with my mother? Therapy that said I didn't owe her just because she is my mother. That its OK to not call her to listen to the moaning cause she has a sniffle. Now I really don't care. I saw her once, about 8 years ago and felt no emotion. I don't love her. I don't like her. Sad. Feel guilty saying it. But its true.</p><p></p><p>What will cause a change with my son? I stop caring? I get to the point that I don't love him?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Smithmom, post: 742465, member: 23371"] Read and digesting. I guess part of this is that he's 28 and sober a few years now. He's not a kid anymore. This is the real him. Making an adult decision every day to hurt me. Probably figuring out what to say to his bro to make him hurt me too. The chunk of why I ultimately can't have a relationship with my mother (age 94) is because she continues to inflict pain every moment she can. And its not just illness talking. Its intentional. I first cut off our contact in my mid 20s. At the time I was in contact with my aunt, her sister. She couldn't spread venom there because my aunt had lived with it every day of her life. But to do holidays I had to pretend. So very, very minimal contact. Enough to not make my aunt suffer as a go-between. When my kids came along I thought they deserved a grandmother so opened contact. And she would have hounded me anyway cause she wanted grandkids, in a wallet anyway. That never worked because she never liked kids. Cut her off when she refused to acknowledge my oldest because of his behaviors. From my son its daily pain now too. Its not the past or the future. Its today's pain. Letting it be doesn't stop the pain. What changed with my mother? Therapy that said I didn't owe her just because she is my mother. That its OK to not call her to listen to the moaning cause she has a sniffle. Now I really don't care. I saw her once, about 8 years ago and felt no emotion. I don't love her. I don't like her. Sad. Feel guilty saying it. But its true. What will cause a change with my son? I stop caring? I get to the point that I don't love him? [/QUOTE]
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Can you forgive him forever?
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