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Can you forgive him forever?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 742515" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Copa...my dear friend.</p><p></p><p>The DSM (and in no way am.I trying to say you are not good in your field....I would trust myself and my kids in your loving care for mental health) is not a way to verify any diagnosis. Its the best we have now but we need brain scans and blood tests before psychiatry can be in the category of say other medical field where a diagnosis. can be proven. DespairingMom, hear me out <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /> You sound wise too.</p><p></p><p>Who cares what exact diagnosis we get? One can only guess. If somebody is consistantly cruel to us and would harm us, steal from us, destroy our hearts and souls and even make us sick then that person with Diagnosis X is a real danger to us and until that person proves he can be better we have to decide if we want to risk our hearts, our money and our very souls to be in a relationship with an adult who is our child but can devestate us. We dont need, nor can we get, a definite diagnoses to know they hurt us. The DSM is not perfect, changes a lot, and we are left with our common sense and what our hearts can bear.</p><p></p><p>We have two very smart mothers in the mental healthcare profession right here in this forum whose opinions vary. This is the reality of the inexact science of psychiatry. Ten mental healthcare workers who are good can come to ten differing opinions about one patient because nothing can be confirmed. I have been a patient in the mental health field since age 23. The inexact science of mental health has not changed much as far as still having no scientific way to diagnose anyone. I know I have a mood disorder because I can feel it, but I dont know why I have it and which one it is for sure. And as long as I do well, does it matter?</p><p></p><p>No. We, the mothers, are like the patients. We see how our kids act. Diagnoses be damned. We know what they do, how long its been going on, what we can expect from interactions with them and what we can stand. That in my opinion is how we should make our decisions. Not by any diagnoses which may be right or wrong. Or a little bit of many things.</p><p></p><p>If we have an adult child who wont follow society's rules, who hits us or steals from us or who just tries to hurt us on purpose and is very good at it, then we have to decide if we can deal with it. Or not. I wont diagnose them. I will call tjem Not Nice or even in some cases Mean to Cruel.</p><p></p><p>We have a right to protect ourselves from mean hurtful people. Even our adult kids. We also have a right to decide to keep them in our lives even if it is soul killing. We are allowed to go down with them. It is our choice. Nobody else can tell us what to do. No decision is right or wrong.</p><p></p><p>Our guts in my opinion send us good messages. How do we feel in their space? What tweaks us less? Continued contact because we love them? No contact because it is unbearable? A little of each?</p><p></p><p>This is an awesome thread with much wisdom in it.</p><p></p><p>Love and light,!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 742515, member: 1550"] Copa...my dear friend. The DSM (and in no way am.I trying to say you are not good in your field....I would trust myself and my kids in your loving care for mental health) is not a way to verify any diagnosis. Its the best we have now but we need brain scans and blood tests before psychiatry can be in the category of say other medical field where a diagnosis. can be proven. DespairingMom, hear me out ;) You sound wise too. Who cares what exact diagnosis we get? One can only guess. If somebody is consistantly cruel to us and would harm us, steal from us, destroy our hearts and souls and even make us sick then that person with Diagnosis X is a real danger to us and until that person proves he can be better we have to decide if we want to risk our hearts, our money and our very souls to be in a relationship with an adult who is our child but can devestate us. We dont need, nor can we get, a definite diagnoses to know they hurt us. The DSM is not perfect, changes a lot, and we are left with our common sense and what our hearts can bear. We have two very smart mothers in the mental healthcare profession right here in this forum whose opinions vary. This is the reality of the inexact science of psychiatry. Ten mental healthcare workers who are good can come to ten differing opinions about one patient because nothing can be confirmed. I have been a patient in the mental health field since age 23. The inexact science of mental health has not changed much as far as still having no scientific way to diagnose anyone. I know I have a mood disorder because I can feel it, but I dont know why I have it and which one it is for sure. And as long as I do well, does it matter? No. We, the mothers, are like the patients. We see how our kids act. Diagnoses be damned. We know what they do, how long its been going on, what we can expect from interactions with them and what we can stand. That in my opinion is how we should make our decisions. Not by any diagnoses which may be right or wrong. Or a little bit of many things. If we have an adult child who wont follow society's rules, who hits us or steals from us or who just tries to hurt us on purpose and is very good at it, then we have to decide if we can deal with it. Or not. I wont diagnose them. I will call tjem Not Nice or even in some cases Mean to Cruel. We have a right to protect ourselves from mean hurtful people. Even our adult kids. We also have a right to decide to keep them in our lives even if it is soul killing. We are allowed to go down with them. It is our choice. Nobody else can tell us what to do. No decision is right or wrong. Our guts in my opinion send us good messages. How do we feel in their space? What tweaks us less? Continued contact because we love them? No contact because it is unbearable? A little of each? This is an awesome thread with much wisdom in it. Love and light,! [/QUOTE]
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