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Can't ever escape being reminded....
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 691388" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>I'm so sorry and I understand, too. My son was homeless in my town, within 1.5 miles from my house, for four different periods of time. I would see him walking or hanging out at a McDonald's or at a day shelter from time to time. One period of time, I would meet him at the day shelter for 10 minutes on a Friday to see him and sit in the car and talk. It was our "new normal" and I know it sounds very strange that we could actually do that. It was the beginning of beginning a new and better relationship with boundaries. He finally started realizing that the begging, relentless calling and texting, and manipulating just was no longer going to work. That took me years of fairly consistent new behavior to get that across to him.</p><p></p><p>It used to really startle me to come up upon him in town. But, I did better by establishing and maintaining strong boundaries, like just seeing him for 10 minutes a week. Laying eyes on him, I like to say. I needed to do that periodically, but I truly didn't want to know or deal with any more from him. I was worn out with it all, and it seemed that nothing ever changed.</p><p></p><p>Backing off was really good for me, and I now can see how good it was for him. It gave him a chance to figure out what he wanted and what he was capable of, himself. I continuing life of jail, drugs, homelessness and breaking the law, or...a new kind of life. Two years ago, he chose a new way of life and that is still continuing today. I am very very grateful. </p><p></p><p>I'm so sorry for your pain in this. I remember it all with amazing clarity. It is what it is, right now. But please know, it can change. Things can improve. Their rock bottom is hard to fathom because it is so different from anything we can even begin to imagine.</p><p></p><p>We are here with you and for you. Hang in there. We care.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 691388, member: 17542"] I'm so sorry and I understand, too. My son was homeless in my town, within 1.5 miles from my house, for four different periods of time. I would see him walking or hanging out at a McDonald's or at a day shelter from time to time. One period of time, I would meet him at the day shelter for 10 minutes on a Friday to see him and sit in the car and talk. It was our "new normal" and I know it sounds very strange that we could actually do that. It was the beginning of beginning a new and better relationship with boundaries. He finally started realizing that the begging, relentless calling and texting, and manipulating just was no longer going to work. That took me years of fairly consistent new behavior to get that across to him. It used to really startle me to come up upon him in town. But, I did better by establishing and maintaining strong boundaries, like just seeing him for 10 minutes a week. Laying eyes on him, I like to say. I needed to do that periodically, but I truly didn't want to know or deal with any more from him. I was worn out with it all, and it seemed that nothing ever changed. Backing off was really good for me, and I now can see how good it was for him. It gave him a chance to figure out what he wanted and what he was capable of, himself. I continuing life of jail, drugs, homelessness and breaking the law, or...a new kind of life. Two years ago, he chose a new way of life and that is still continuing today. I am very very grateful. I'm so sorry for your pain in this. I remember it all with amazing clarity. It is what it is, right now. But please know, it can change. Things can improve. Their rock bottom is hard to fathom because it is so different from anything we can even begin to imagine. We are here with you and for you. Hang in there. We care. [/QUOTE]
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