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Can't give an inch...
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 642506" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>It helped us, when it was time to decide to help or not help, to keep the end goal more in mind than the current crisis. </p><p></p><p>Keep the end goal in mind, not the current crisis.</p><p></p><p>How will it be possible to teach your son to choose a different lifestyle path than the one he is on today?</p><p></p><p>Giving in or giving money was easier, especially at first, because we were so focused on helping the difficult child out of what seemed a temporary thing. We excused so many things as bad judgment in someone young. As the kids got older, the fixes got more and more and more expensive. Back then, we still believed (I did ~ husband never did) that we had parented badly and our children were suffering for it.</p><p></p><p>I read those same feelings when a new mom or dad comes onto this site. </p><p></p><p>It took me so many years to acknowledge the part drug use played in what happened to our family.</p><p>Had I not found this site, I may never have acknowledged it. </p><p></p><p>Until this last episode with difficult child daughter, I refused to acknowledge the mental illness piece. </p><p></p><p>I continue to experience denial around that issue.</p><p></p><p>There is a thread in Watercooler about Christmas. That is how I felt about my kids ~ that same shiny magic in the air, that same happiness and sense of wonder we felt about Christmas when we were little kids, I felt around everything to do with my kids. Here is the clinker: When I see them?</p><p></p><p>I have to do some pretty fast dancing to wrap the picture I hold in my heart around the reality of the adult in front of me, sometimes. There was a thread, it may have been posted before you and Jabber arrived, discussing the way moms especially tend to superimpose the faces of our children as toddlers or teens over the faces of our adult difficult children.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 642506, member: 17461"] It helped us, when it was time to decide to help or not help, to keep the end goal more in mind than the current crisis. Keep the end goal in mind, not the current crisis. How will it be possible to teach your son to choose a different lifestyle path than the one he is on today? Giving in or giving money was easier, especially at first, because we were so focused on helping the difficult child out of what seemed a temporary thing. We excused so many things as bad judgment in someone young. As the kids got older, the fixes got more and more and more expensive. Back then, we still believed (I did ~ husband never did) that we had parented badly and our children were suffering for it. I read those same feelings when a new mom or dad comes onto this site. It took me so many years to acknowledge the part drug use played in what happened to our family. Had I not found this site, I may never have acknowledged it. Until this last episode with difficult child daughter, I refused to acknowledge the mental illness piece. I continue to experience denial around that issue. There is a thread in Watercooler about Christmas. That is how I felt about my kids ~ that same shiny magic in the air, that same happiness and sense of wonder we felt about Christmas when we were little kids, I felt around everything to do with my kids. Here is the clinker: When I see them? I have to do some pretty fast dancing to wrap the picture I hold in my heart around the reality of the adult in front of me, sometimes. There was a thread, it may have been posted before you and Jabber arrived, discussing the way moms especially tend to superimpose the faces of our children as toddlers or teens over the faces of our adult difficult children. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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