The ''helplessness'' is getting to me
I have NEVER felt SO HELPLESS in my whole life AND my self esteem is suffering as I used to be a sociable person but have locked myself away and have not been out for about 10 months due to being immersed in this world of worry , alcoholism , spliffs now , separation from GS , SS 'interaction' , more worry , concern , uncertaintly about the future etc plus it is a PRIVATE world the devastating world of alcoholism and self harm etc you don't exactly announce it on Facebook and social gatherings don't want to know about your alcoholic difficult child and that world you are living in and part of which no one else is who has just gone out for a simple chat and drink or meal or social event etc so I can't even share with people the DEPTH of emotions I am feeling right now so makes me not want to MIX with them or interact with them but then I am ISOLATED and it makes my self esteem WORSE coz then I am scared to mix and socialise and it is hard to trust myself not to 'blurt' but nothing wrong with saying I have been having a few family problems etc but I need to get out there more again too as living in isolation makes my self esteem WORSE
Prolonged stress , bereavement , loss or separation , worry , concern , grief , sadness etc has a PROFOUND affect on someones self esteem along with the feelings of HELPLESSNESS and all the above can reduce a once healthy self esteemed person to one whose self esteem has been worn down / become LOW especially in those in a position of RESPONSIBILITY
I SHOULD NOT HAVE THE RESPONSIBILITY OF PRACTICALLY POLICING MY DAUGHTER as well as being her social worker!
MY responsibility should be to love and care for my Grandchildren , give them lots of hugs and lots of care and loads of smiles and tickles , that'll do me , although I can change a nappy if REALLY required 
x
