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Can't vs Won't
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<blockquote data-quote="overcome mom" data-source="post: 747273" data-attributes="member: 23328"><p>I have asked this question many times of my son. How much is he really capable of doing. He has struggled a lot since he was about 10 years old. He was diagnosed with ADD ,bi polar and has taken drugs. I have seen him try to do many things and just can't seem to pull them all off at one time. He has never held a job for more than 6 weeks and has had many jobs . I really do think that he tries a lot of the time to do with right thing but his way of thinking seems so messed up. He continually makes the wrong decision over and over again. This is where my guilt comes into play, how much do/should I really help him? I do think that mental health issues can play into making the wrong decisions . I know that there are many people with a variety of mental health issues that live and don't continually screw up but I don't think that you can then say that should be true of all people with mental health issues. Just like other health issue there are a big variety of MH problems that effect each person differently. One of the hardest things for me has been to admit that my son has some problems that probably will never go away. I have definitely changed my expectations of what I want/expect of him. I would like for my son to get disability but he doesn't want to " he doesn't have anything wrong with him". I do admire that he keeps trying. He lives in the moment this has been a positive for him with regards to not letting his messed up life get him to down. On the other hand it causes his life to be messed up because he doesn't look and plan for the long run. If he has $20 and the steak looks good he'll buy it even if that is all he had for food for the next two days. Your right it is so very hard to tell that line. I now just try to look at improvements in the small things and try to reinforce the positive behavior and hope he finally learns from his negative behavior. That's all I can do.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="overcome mom, post: 747273, member: 23328"] I have asked this question many times of my son. How much is he really capable of doing. He has struggled a lot since he was about 10 years old. He was diagnosed with ADD ,bi polar and has taken drugs. I have seen him try to do many things and just can't seem to pull them all off at one time. He has never held a job for more than 6 weeks and has had many jobs . I really do think that he tries a lot of the time to do with right thing but his way of thinking seems so messed up. He continually makes the wrong decision over and over again. This is where my guilt comes into play, how much do/should I really help him? I do think that mental health issues can play into making the wrong decisions . I know that there are many people with a variety of mental health issues that live and don't continually screw up but I don't think that you can then say that should be true of all people with mental health issues. Just like other health issue there are a big variety of MH problems that effect each person differently. One of the hardest things for me has been to admit that my son has some problems that probably will never go away. I have definitely changed my expectations of what I want/expect of him. I would like for my son to get disability but he doesn't want to " he doesn't have anything wrong with him". I do admire that he keeps trying. He lives in the moment this has been a positive for him with regards to not letting his messed up life get him to down. On the other hand it causes his life to be messed up because he doesn't look and plan for the long run. If he has $20 and the steak looks good he'll buy it even if that is all he had for food for the next two days. Your right it is so very hard to tell that line. I now just try to look at improvements in the small things and try to reinforce the positive behavior and hope he finally learns from his negative behavior. That's all I can do. [/QUOTE]
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