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Changing my enabling ways....
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 408445" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I have a son who has high functioning autism and I'll tell you how we deal with it and why.</p><p></p><p>We have encouraged him to do things himself all of his life. He is now seventeen. He can do more than we ever dreamed possible and he doesn't have meltdowns.However, as he hits adulthood, he is still different and requires more help than an average seventeen year old and in my opinion it would be cruel of us to just say, "Sink or swim." There are some things he just doesn't instinctively know how to do like other kids do. When he graduates, we plan on doing all the things that your expensive school is doing AT HOME. He will get disability...we will teach him how to budget and pay rent (to us) and shop and call to make his own dental and doctor appointments. Right n ow, I'm not sure he would seek help if he needed it (a big danger and one reason we help him out more than his siblings). Although he can not live at home forever (I am an older mom at 57), he should be able to function well with some supports and job placement. </p><p></p><p>Because he is on the autism spectrum I don't consider this enabling him. He's not a bad kid, in fact he's a great kid. He's just a child with a disability that he didn't ask for. I have read that Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kids often don't hit their peak until 25 or 30 (sigh). And even then not all can be 100% independent. If my son were to live alone, he would go to work, but would do little else other than play videogames or watch television the rest of the day. He will need structure even as an adult to live a full life, like he does now with our aid. As for showering, he'd never do it. Ever. He doesn't care if he smells...lol. </p><p></p><p>I guess I'm trying to say that in my opinion you aren't enabling him. He has a disorder that makes him need help. That is far different than giving money and help to a child who is abusing drugs. JMO but I would continue to show him the things in life that he doesn't "get" and there are community services into adulthood to help him be as independent as he can be. Take one day at a time and don't think about the big picture yet (and panic). My son is perfectly happy being an adult who needs supports. I've seen sadder kids who DON'T have disabilities. My main goal for my son is that he live a happy existence and do all that he can do.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 408445, member: 1550"] I have a son who has high functioning autism and I'll tell you how we deal with it and why. We have encouraged him to do things himself all of his life. He is now seventeen. He can do more than we ever dreamed possible and he doesn't have meltdowns.However, as he hits adulthood, he is still different and requires more help than an average seventeen year old and in my opinion it would be cruel of us to just say, "Sink or swim." There are some things he just doesn't instinctively know how to do like other kids do. When he graduates, we plan on doing all the things that your expensive school is doing AT HOME. He will get disability...we will teach him how to budget and pay rent (to us) and shop and call to make his own dental and doctor appointments. Right n ow, I'm not sure he would seek help if he needed it (a big danger and one reason we help him out more than his siblings). Although he can not live at home forever (I am an older mom at 57), he should be able to function well with some supports and job placement. Because he is on the autism spectrum I don't consider this enabling him. He's not a bad kid, in fact he's a great kid. He's just a child with a disability that he didn't ask for. I have read that Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kids often don't hit their peak until 25 or 30 (sigh). And even then not all can be 100% independent. If my son were to live alone, he would go to work, but would do little else other than play videogames or watch television the rest of the day. He will need structure even as an adult to live a full life, like he does now with our aid. As for showering, he'd never do it. Ever. He doesn't care if he smells...lol. I guess I'm trying to say that in my opinion you aren't enabling him. He has a disorder that makes him need help. That is far different than giving money and help to a child who is abusing drugs. JMO but I would continue to show him the things in life that he doesn't "get" and there are community services into adulthood to help him be as independent as he can be. Take one day at a time and don't think about the big picture yet (and panic). My son is perfectly happy being an adult who needs supports. I've seen sadder kids who DON'T have disabilities. My main goal for my son is that he live a happy existence and do all that he can do. [/QUOTE]
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