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Family of Origin
Cherishing Relationships, Cultivating Love
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 671584" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>Well, I think the phrase "cultivating love" is a beginning guideline for us. Especially given the shame and frustration in troubled families, I think we parents feel guilt more than flourishing lovingness. So, guilt is the useless and harmful thing we need to identify and banish so we can cultivate lovingness and get through challenges other families cannot imagine. Instead though, we feel guilty, we wonder where we went wrong, we try so hard to do better. If I could know then what I know now, if I could have known the genesis of the challenges we would all face, and if I could have loved us through it instead of falling into guilt and shame and all those frantic, doomed attempts to "treat" something that had been misdiagnosed from the beginning, we all would have come through this stronger and saner.</p><p></p><p>But I didn't know. So, I am doing the best I know, now.</p><p></p><p>I like that phrase "cultivating love" very much, Leafy.</p><p></p><p>That is a true thing, an excellent guidepost for us.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 671584, member: 17461"] Well, I think the phrase "cultivating love" is a beginning guideline for us. Especially given the shame and frustration in troubled families, I think we parents feel guilt more than flourishing lovingness. So, guilt is the useless and harmful thing we need to identify and banish so we can cultivate lovingness and get through challenges other families cannot imagine. Instead though, we feel guilty, we wonder where we went wrong, we try so hard to do better. If I could know then what I know now, if I could have known the genesis of the challenges we would all face, and if I could have loved us through it instead of falling into guilt and shame and all those frantic, doomed attempts to "treat" something that had been misdiagnosed from the beginning, we all would have come through this stronger and saner. But I didn't know. So, I am doing the best I know, now. I like that phrase "cultivating love" very much, Leafy. That is a true thing, an excellent guidepost for us. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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