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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 671865" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>Are your girls together, Leafy?</p><p></p><p>Would you feel comfortable posting a little about them?</p><p></p><p>***</p><p></p><p>There was a conversation on P.E. some time back, about the Hero's Journey. About the destiny of each of our children, and of each of us as parents, and our dreams, and our brokenness. About how those pieces could possibly fit together. I think that may have been the conversation where we touched on that concept of "the joy underlying all things". </p><p></p><p>That it was right there, the joy, all along. But it wasn't like we could just scent it in the air like we used to. We needed to see it first and then, we could claim it.</p><p></p><p>So, we could have it, even now, even with everything we were so sure of, gone.</p><p></p><p>Gone.</p><p></p><p>Ouch.</p><p></p><p>Ouch that word, Leafy.</p><p></p><p>That is the worst word.</p><p></p><p>How to put a life together around the real of that terrible word.</p><p></p><p>***</p><p></p><p>Seen in this way that holds no answer and no longer even poses any questions, it could be a possible thing that what is happening to our kids is <em>their</em> Hero's Journey. I wonder if I can find words to catch the nuances, here. Not that we see their suffering or our own and rationalize it through some weird fatalism, but that we consider that thinking about the hero's journey and about what it is we all are doing here as we go about our lives. This thinking helped me let go of the bitterness in it, just a little. </p><p></p><p>Sometimes, I think about that phrase: <em>At the touch of Eternity, we will know.</em> Sometimes, I find comfort there. </p><p></p><p>I am not so particular, anymore, about where I find comfort.</p><p></p><p>***</p><p></p><p>The bitter recrimination, the need for someone to be punished for what was lost, for what was taken. </p><p></p><p>It helps me with that, to think of what my children have lost in that way of the Hero's Journey, Leafy. When I am very heartbroken, it helps me to think of it that way. </p><p></p><p>Certainly, our troubled kids are responding to challenges that are horrific in their destructive power.</p><p>There is so much pain in it for us and for them and there is loss of integrity and dignity, finally. And there is no laughter in our homes or in our hearts anymore and then, the kids come clear. And they have lost the time of preparation, and they have nothing and we have nothing left to give. Another layer of dyspeptic pain ~ like, a sour stomach compared to an amputation, but pain, nonetheless.</p><p></p><p>And sadness.</p><p></p><p>Do you know the legend of Isis, Leafy? Searching through Eternity for the pieces of her dismembered child.</p><p></p><p>It is the organs of regeneration that are missing, that were never found, yet.</p><p></p><p>It always breaks my heart to think of that story.</p><p></p><p>The organs of regeneration; of hope.</p><p></p><p>Gone. </p><p></p><p>So, that is the dream that was so real to us. That is what is gone, that is what we mourn. A thing that never was. We chart a different course, but since we never once envisioned ourselves in this strange and crummy land we don't even know which way to go.</p><p></p><p>So we will just take a step, then.</p><p></p><p>Since there are no answers and there is no end to this it seems, we will just take a step, then. </p><p></p><p>I read once that: If we would be healthy, study health.</p><p></p><p>So, our steps will be in the direction of health and of strength and we will let go of outcome.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p><p></p><p>We used to call our troubled children Gifts From God, Leafy. It was funny, and it described our frustration, but also a truth. I am glad to be reminded sometimes how immovable is the place in the heart that we live from, when our children suffer.</p><p></p><p>Lest it take me by surprise.</p><p></p><p>Gone.</p><p></p><p>Ouch.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 671865, member: 17461"] Are your girls together, Leafy? Would you feel comfortable posting a little about them? *** There was a conversation on P.E. some time back, about the Hero's Journey. About the destiny of each of our children, and of each of us as parents, and our dreams, and our brokenness. About how those pieces could possibly fit together. I think that may have been the conversation where we touched on that concept of "the joy underlying all things". That it was right there, the joy, all along. But it wasn't like we could just scent it in the air like we used to. We needed to see it first and then, we could claim it. So, we could have it, even now, even with everything we were so sure of, gone. Gone. Ouch. Ouch that word, Leafy. That is the worst word. How to put a life together around the real of that terrible word. *** Seen in this way that holds no answer and no longer even poses any questions, it could be a possible thing that what is happening to our kids is [I]their[/I] Hero's Journey. I wonder if I can find words to catch the nuances, here. Not that we see their suffering or our own and rationalize it through some weird fatalism, but that we consider that thinking about the hero's journey and about what it is we all are doing here as we go about our lives. This thinking helped me let go of the bitterness in it, just a little. Sometimes, I think about that phrase: [I]At the touch of Eternity, we will know.[/I] Sometimes, I find comfort there. I am not so particular, anymore, about where I find comfort. *** The bitter recrimination, the need for someone to be punished for what was lost, for what was taken. It helps me with that, to think of what my children have lost in that way of the Hero's Journey, Leafy. When I am very heartbroken, it helps me to think of it that way. Certainly, our troubled kids are responding to challenges that are horrific in their destructive power. There is so much pain in it for us and for them and there is loss of integrity and dignity, finally. And there is no laughter in our homes or in our hearts anymore and then, the kids come clear. And they have lost the time of preparation, and they have nothing and we have nothing left to give. Another layer of dyspeptic pain ~ like, a sour stomach compared to an amputation, but pain, nonetheless. And sadness. Do you know the legend of Isis, Leafy? Searching through Eternity for the pieces of her dismembered child. It is the organs of regeneration that are missing, that were never found, yet. It always breaks my heart to think of that story. The organs of regeneration; of hope. Gone. So, that is the dream that was so real to us. That is what is gone, that is what we mourn. A thing that never was. We chart a different course, but since we never once envisioned ourselves in this strange and crummy land we don't even know which way to go. So we will just take a step, then. Since there are no answers and there is no end to this it seems, we will just take a step, then. I read once that: If we would be healthy, study health. So, our steps will be in the direction of health and of strength and we will let go of outcome. Cedar We used to call our troubled children Gifts From God, Leafy. It was funny, and it described our frustration, but also a truth. I am glad to be reminded sometimes how immovable is the place in the heart that we live from, when our children suffer. Lest it take me by surprise. Gone. Ouch. [/QUOTE]
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