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"Choices" vs "Circumstances"...
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<blockquote data-quote="Mattsmom277" data-source="post: 325905" data-attributes="member: 4264"><p>Wow, good timing for this question. Was just discussing this with my kids. It made me think when it came up, and again here in this thread, thinking again.</p><p></p><p>My difficult child knows I always wished I had gone to law school. He was saying the other day that he wishes he hadn't been born (well that he had, but much later in my life lol) because having him at 18 altered a path of mine, and he felt that had he not been born then, I would have gone on to law school. He said we'd have a nice house, you'd have a car mom. We wouldn't struggle. You would have moved away and not been responsible for grandma (my mentally ill mother). He felt I would have been saved from many things that happened in intervening years etc. </p><p></p><p>I told him: That I have always wished for law school. Even today it is "the dream". BUT I told him that I'd given this thought a few times and that I had realized a few things. WIthout me being here, had I moved away, I wouldn't have been here to hospitalize my mother. She might never have gotten diagnosis and medications. I would have lived far away and not spent years before my aunts death, loving her, being so close to her. I would give up anything for that time over again as it is, to experience her again. Nope. WOuldn't give up that time simply for law school. Then I said, what about having you? Say I'd married someone, had you, after starting a career etc. Well I'm a perfectionist. I'd have hated going through 7 years of school etc to give it up for a family. I truly think my values would have changed. I might have kept working and my kids might have been latch key kids. I might not have balanced well a marriage, children, career. I might have lost any combination of those. I would have grown to have different feelings of what is important to me. And quite frankly, regardless of poverty, the **** life handed me over the years, I like the way I've formed as a human being. I like what I've become, what I now instill into my children. I wouldn't give that up for anything. The surroundings (apartment instead of house, bus instead of car, struggle instead of mindless spending, sacrifice instead of abundance) are just that, surroundings. They could come from the sky tomorrow (think lotto win lol). But nothing can be bought or whatever to create me, but for the wealth of experiences I've had.</p><p></p><p>I made poor choices. I'd change some. But each bad choice taught me something otherwise I might never had learned. Lifes ups and downs are often what determine who we become. And I kinda like myself. Okay. I admit. I have learned to love myself. And be proud of myself. Maybe not "I'm a corporate lawyer tycoon" proud, but I am proud of who I am and I hold my head high in any company I keep. </p><p></p><p>I also wonder, what would it have done to me emotionally to give up a successful law career due to multiple sclerosis? What about the kids? If they had that silver spoon in their mouth, could they have coped with me giving it all up and the changes it would have meant to lifestyle? Instead, I have kids who are strong, who are goal oriented but also want a balance from work and family etc. </p><p></p><p>Sometimes looking back at would have dones and should have dones can be truly helpful. Sometimes it is all in perspective. One thing I do know, for me, is that I won't look back and kick myself at this stage in life. It is what it is. I'm broke. I'm disabled. I have no car. I rent, don't own. I live pay to pay. BUT! I have terrific kids. I have a great lovely apartment. We have nice things. We have alot of our "wants", just not all. I have a wonderful man who loves me and my children and who is my best friend. We are not burned out emotionally or physically from high stress jobs. We don't carry any debt. None. What a stress reliever! We laugh and love well and openly.</p><p></p><p>Compared to 99% of the planet, we are already the top 1% of the wealthiest on the globe (in spite of being considered below poverty line in the western world). We are also I think in the top 1% of the happiest people in the world. We still have dreams and ambitions, we aren't wanting to be stuck in low income situation. We want to own a car and home. We want a family holiday every year. We are like everyone else. But we are okay where we are while we work as hard as we need to accomplish more. And we are enjoying the ride. And before anything else, we put being together and actually LIVING before everything else. Life is short <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p><p></p><p>The short answer to your question for me would be answered, a mixture of both.</p><p>The long answer I guess, above, is that regardless of which, or both, looking back is what you make of it. Major regrets in people make me sad. I wish for everyone to always learn from history certainly, but it doesn't define us <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mattsmom277, post: 325905, member: 4264"] Wow, good timing for this question. Was just discussing this with my kids. It made me think when it came up, and again here in this thread, thinking again. My difficult child knows I always wished I had gone to law school. He was saying the other day that he wishes he hadn't been born (well that he had, but much later in my life lol) because having him at 18 altered a path of mine, and he felt that had he not been born then, I would have gone on to law school. He said we'd have a nice house, you'd have a car mom. We wouldn't struggle. You would have moved away and not been responsible for grandma (my mentally ill mother). He felt I would have been saved from many things that happened in intervening years etc. I told him: That I have always wished for law school. Even today it is "the dream". BUT I told him that I'd given this thought a few times and that I had realized a few things. WIthout me being here, had I moved away, I wouldn't have been here to hospitalize my mother. She might never have gotten diagnosis and medications. I would have lived far away and not spent years before my aunts death, loving her, being so close to her. I would give up anything for that time over again as it is, to experience her again. Nope. WOuldn't give up that time simply for law school. Then I said, what about having you? Say I'd married someone, had you, after starting a career etc. Well I'm a perfectionist. I'd have hated going through 7 years of school etc to give it up for a family. I truly think my values would have changed. I might have kept working and my kids might have been latch key kids. I might not have balanced well a marriage, children, career. I might have lost any combination of those. I would have grown to have different feelings of what is important to me. And quite frankly, regardless of poverty, the **** life handed me over the years, I like the way I've formed as a human being. I like what I've become, what I now instill into my children. I wouldn't give that up for anything. The surroundings (apartment instead of house, bus instead of car, struggle instead of mindless spending, sacrifice instead of abundance) are just that, surroundings. They could come from the sky tomorrow (think lotto win lol). But nothing can be bought or whatever to create me, but for the wealth of experiences I've had. I made poor choices. I'd change some. But each bad choice taught me something otherwise I might never had learned. Lifes ups and downs are often what determine who we become. And I kinda like myself. Okay. I admit. I have learned to love myself. And be proud of myself. Maybe not "I'm a corporate lawyer tycoon" proud, but I am proud of who I am and I hold my head high in any company I keep. I also wonder, what would it have done to me emotionally to give up a successful law career due to multiple sclerosis? What about the kids? If they had that silver spoon in their mouth, could they have coped with me giving it all up and the changes it would have meant to lifestyle? Instead, I have kids who are strong, who are goal oriented but also want a balance from work and family etc. Sometimes looking back at would have dones and should have dones can be truly helpful. Sometimes it is all in perspective. One thing I do know, for me, is that I won't look back and kick myself at this stage in life. It is what it is. I'm broke. I'm disabled. I have no car. I rent, don't own. I live pay to pay. BUT! I have terrific kids. I have a great lovely apartment. We have nice things. We have alot of our "wants", just not all. I have a wonderful man who loves me and my children and who is my best friend. We are not burned out emotionally or physically from high stress jobs. We don't carry any debt. None. What a stress reliever! We laugh and love well and openly. Compared to 99% of the planet, we are already the top 1% of the wealthiest on the globe (in spite of being considered below poverty line in the western world). We are also I think in the top 1% of the happiest people in the world. We still have dreams and ambitions, we aren't wanting to be stuck in low income situation. We want to own a car and home. We want a family holiday every year. We are like everyone else. But we are okay where we are while we work as hard as we need to accomplish more. And we are enjoying the ride. And before anything else, we put being together and actually LIVING before everything else. Life is short :) The short answer to your question for me would be answered, a mixture of both. The long answer I guess, above, is that regardless of which, or both, looking back is what you make of it. Major regrets in people make me sad. I wish for everyone to always learn from history certainly, but it doesn't define us :) [/QUOTE]
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