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General Parenting
Chronicle of A Failed Suicide Attempt
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 719359" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>What I meant to ask is this--how is d s s comporting himself through this? (Auto correct inserted competing. Which is interesting. Then it put importing. I did not catch it. Sorry.)</p><p></p><p>I think I agree with you. That there may be a family dynamic where younger son stuffs his voice and then feels desperate and angry and cornered when he feels in dire straits. Not that nobody is there for him but that he does not have the emotional muscle in place to give voice to his needs. He has muzzled himself in the service of the family status quo. And it has become who he is.</p><p></p><p>I very much relate to this. While I am 4x his age, I realized that only one time in my life as an adult did I speak up for myself to my mother.</p><p></p><p>And then I blamed myself for her death. Only now. Am I understanding, this self blame is related to voice. I did not believe I deserved a voice.As I become aware of my real self, in moments I feel a rage that I must have all these years turned against myself.</p><p></p><p>You will be the best friend this child will ever have in the coming months to prevail that the family as a whole, heal. Which means each of us I think have voice, safety, restraint and responsibility.</p><p></p><p>I am only now becoming aware of this in my own life.</p><p></p><p>I do not think his emotional recovery need be that arduous--if the family as a whole becomes the unit of focus.</p><p></p><p>I am so grateful for you and your family that he has turned a corner.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 719359, member: 18958"] What I meant to ask is this--how is d s s comporting himself through this? (Auto correct inserted competing. Which is interesting. Then it put importing. I did not catch it. Sorry.) I think I agree with you. That there may be a family dynamic where younger son stuffs his voice and then feels desperate and angry and cornered when he feels in dire straits. Not that nobody is there for him but that he does not have the emotional muscle in place to give voice to his needs. He has muzzled himself in the service of the family status quo. And it has become who he is. I very much relate to this. While I am 4x his age, I realized that only one time in my life as an adult did I speak up for myself to my mother. And then I blamed myself for her death. Only now. Am I understanding, this self blame is related to voice. I did not believe I deserved a voice.As I become aware of my real self, in moments I feel a rage that I must have all these years turned against myself. You will be the best friend this child will ever have in the coming months to prevail that the family as a whole, heal. Which means each of us I think have voice, safety, restraint and responsibility. I am only now becoming aware of this in my own life. I do not think his emotional recovery need be that arduous--if the family as a whole becomes the unit of focus. I am so grateful for you and your family that he has turned a corner. [/QUOTE]
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