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General Parenting
Chronicle of A Failed Suicide Attempt
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<blockquote data-quote="JustForToday" data-source="post: 719970" data-attributes="member: 22298"><p>Culturanta, </p><p></p><p>1st I want to say how very sorry I am about your situation. I cannot imagine the pain you are experiencing.</p><p></p><p>I am not a stalker, I tried posting on this site, under a different name before, but I was met by some pretty sharp criticism and judgment by one of the more active members, so I decided that posting here wasn't really helpful for me.</p><p></p><p>However I read here sometimes, to see how some of the supportive posters were doing. Your story, and, particularly this post, touched me. I would like to share something that I have only shared with one other person in my life.</p><p></p><p>I was your YS. I was abused, physically, verbally, and emotionally by an older sibling throughout my life. My family;s solution was like you wife's. Tiptoe around, walk on eggshells, don't do anything to anger Abusive Sibling (AS) I spent many summer days (we were left home alone together) locked in a bathroom, hiding in the back of a closet, or hiding in the detached garage. </p><p></p><p>What this did was blame the victim. It was always my fault when I was assaulted because whatever I did, and it, really, didn't have to be anything other than exist, it was my fault I was assaulted. Because I had shame and guilt as a child, I never told anyone. I always felt that it was my fault. </p><p></p><p>I was depressed, anxious, and intermittently suicidal throughout my childhood. I remained so until I left for college. I never felt as if I mattered. I always felt like I was a burden, merely tolerated, the AS was the only one that was loved, because his feelings were the only ones ever taken into consideration. I had no self worth and allowed "friends" to mistreat me because I was so desperate to be liked. By anyone.</p><p></p><p>I am in my 40s. I still have very low self esteem, and I struggle with social anxiety and an eating disorder. My 1st marriage was to an emotionally distant man who constantly criticized me and cheated on me with any female that smiled at him, and I tolerated it for 12 years, because I never though I deserved better. </p><p></p><p>I write this not for sympathy or criticism or to solicit opinions. I shared this because I want those of you who have violent or aggressive or verbally abusive troubled children to know that the damage they inflict on their siblings id lifelong and very difficult to overcome.</p><p></p><p>I urge you (generalized "you") to protect your "non-troubled" children. Remove the aggressor from the house, or if you are unwilling to do so, please find a safe place for their victims to live, even if you have to leave your spouse to do so.</p><p></p><p>Culturanta, I have often felt that if I had one person in my life who had defended me, who let me know that I mattered, that my safety, and my happiness was important, that I would be a very different person today. YS, at least, knows that you believed him, that you didn't blame him for the behavior of his brother. That is something important, believe me. I, and probably he, realize that as a step-parent your hands are somewhat tied.</p><p></p><p>I wish YS a speedy and complete recovery, and I wish your family, and, particularly you, peace.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="JustForToday, post: 719970, member: 22298"] Culturanta, 1st I want to say how very sorry I am about your situation. I cannot imagine the pain you are experiencing. I am not a stalker, I tried posting on this site, under a different name before, but I was met by some pretty sharp criticism and judgment by one of the more active members, so I decided that posting here wasn't really helpful for me. However I read here sometimes, to see how some of the supportive posters were doing. Your story, and, particularly this post, touched me. I would like to share something that I have only shared with one other person in my life. I was your YS. I was abused, physically, verbally, and emotionally by an older sibling throughout my life. My family;s solution was like you wife's. Tiptoe around, walk on eggshells, don't do anything to anger Abusive Sibling (AS) I spent many summer days (we were left home alone together) locked in a bathroom, hiding in the back of a closet, or hiding in the detached garage. What this did was blame the victim. It was always my fault when I was assaulted because whatever I did, and it, really, didn't have to be anything other than exist, it was my fault I was assaulted. Because I had shame and guilt as a child, I never told anyone. I always felt that it was my fault. I was depressed, anxious, and intermittently suicidal throughout my childhood. I remained so until I left for college. I never felt as if I mattered. I always felt like I was a burden, merely tolerated, the AS was the only one that was loved, because his feelings were the only ones ever taken into consideration. I had no self worth and allowed "friends" to mistreat me because I was so desperate to be liked. By anyone. I am in my 40s. I still have very low self esteem, and I struggle with social anxiety and an eating disorder. My 1st marriage was to an emotionally distant man who constantly criticized me and cheated on me with any female that smiled at him, and I tolerated it for 12 years, because I never though I deserved better. I write this not for sympathy or criticism or to solicit opinions. I shared this because I want those of you who have violent or aggressive or verbally abusive troubled children to know that the damage they inflict on their siblings id lifelong and very difficult to overcome. I urge you (generalized "you") to protect your "non-troubled" children. Remove the aggressor from the house, or if you are unwilling to do so, please find a safe place for their victims to live, even if you have to leave your spouse to do so. Culturanta, I have often felt that if I had one person in my life who had defended me, who let me know that I mattered, that my safety, and my happiness was important, that I would be a very different person today. YS, at least, knows that you believed him, that you didn't blame him for the behavior of his brother. That is something important, believe me. I, and probably he, realize that as a step-parent your hands are somewhat tied. I wish YS a speedy and complete recovery, and I wish your family, and, particularly you, peace. [/QUOTE]
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