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Chronicle of A Failed Suicide Attempt
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<blockquote data-quote="BloodiedButUnbowed" data-source="post: 720205" data-attributes="member: 13303"><p>JFT, I am sorry I haven't responded directly to your post until now. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I feel empathy and compassion for you and I am so glad you made it out of that home and into adulthood. Yes our past pain leads us to make mistake after mistake as we keep trying to learn our worth. Eventually we do learn those lessons and it sticks. We do start caring for ourselves better. I am probably halfway there myself. You will get there too. (big hugs) </p><p></p><p>One thing I am learning observing my YS' and DS' family of origin handle this crisis is that toxic family systems function like a totalitarian society. The individual members of the family are much less important than keeping the diseased family system itself operating. Already (as I predicted) my wife in particular is leaping to the defense of DS. Already my Monster In Law is saying this was all a big mistake and everything will go back to normal as soon as YS finishes his physical rehab. I keep gently reminding my wife that the real issue here is YS' psychiatric state and safety, not the problems he has created for his body - which are considerable and which are the sole focus of his treatment at the present time. My wife doesn't want to know what she doesn't want to know, if that makes sense.</p><p></p><p>I have learned a deeper appreciation and loyalty for my own family of origin. My family was Dysfunctional but absolutely nothing compared to what my wife and my poor stepsons have endured. This family I married into is beyond dysfunctional, it is truly TOXIC, poisonous. </p><p></p><p>I need to make more time for my elderly mother and my niece and nephew who are 8 and 11 respectively. I tend to ignore them in favor of this toxic mess. I need to stop that for my own well being. I need to find a balance.</p><p></p><p>I have been participating in telephone meetings for my fellowship of choice and they are helping me SO much. It is going to be almost impossible for me to keep my nose out of the coming discussions about YS' care. As much as I love him and can see the lights of the approaching freight train, I have no right. That is the sad reality. I will try to influence my wife as much as possible and in the past she's been open to that, she knows I am sensible and intelligent and have her children's best interest at heart. </p><p></p><p>Things with the wife are better, she is thrashing against my boundaries but I am holding firm and she is beginning to accept them. I am (strongly) encouraging her to resume her self-care activities that help her stay grounded and in control of her emotions and she is slowly doing that. </p><p></p><p>Will keep you all posted. I am thinking of you all.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BloodiedButUnbowed, post: 720205, member: 13303"] JFT, I am sorry I haven't responded directly to your post until now. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I feel empathy and compassion for you and I am so glad you made it out of that home and into adulthood. Yes our past pain leads us to make mistake after mistake as we keep trying to learn our worth. Eventually we do learn those lessons and it sticks. We do start caring for ourselves better. I am probably halfway there myself. You will get there too. (big hugs) One thing I am learning observing my YS' and DS' family of origin handle this crisis is that toxic family systems function like a totalitarian society. The individual members of the family are much less important than keeping the diseased family system itself operating. Already (as I predicted) my wife in particular is leaping to the defense of DS. Already my Monster In Law is saying this was all a big mistake and everything will go back to normal as soon as YS finishes his physical rehab. I keep gently reminding my wife that the real issue here is YS' psychiatric state and safety, not the problems he has created for his body - which are considerable and which are the sole focus of his treatment at the present time. My wife doesn't want to know what she doesn't want to know, if that makes sense. I have learned a deeper appreciation and loyalty for my own family of origin. My family was Dysfunctional but absolutely nothing compared to what my wife and my poor stepsons have endured. This family I married into is beyond dysfunctional, it is truly TOXIC, poisonous. I need to make more time for my elderly mother and my niece and nephew who are 8 and 11 respectively. I tend to ignore them in favor of this toxic mess. I need to stop that for my own well being. I need to find a balance. I have been participating in telephone meetings for my fellowship of choice and they are helping me SO much. It is going to be almost impossible for me to keep my nose out of the coming discussions about YS' care. As much as I love him and can see the lights of the approaching freight train, I have no right. That is the sad reality. I will try to influence my wife as much as possible and in the past she's been open to that, she knows I am sensible and intelligent and have her children's best interest at heart. Things with the wife are better, she is thrashing against my boundaries but I am holding firm and she is beginning to accept them. I am (strongly) encouraging her to resume her self-care activities that help her stay grounded and in control of her emotions and she is slowly doing that. Will keep you all posted. I am thinking of you all. [/QUOTE]
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