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Substance Abuse
Coming clean letter
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<blockquote data-quote="SuZir" data-source="post: 608742" data-attributes="member: 14557"><p>Same type of passive-aggressiveness is typical also for my difficult child, though he tends to be viciously backstabbing at his worst, not just a 'dancer.'</p><p></p><p>While with him for lots of things just had to be talked through, learned the truth and made amends, for the rest his treatment team, and also us, in fact advised him against 'coming clean' for us. According his then therapist it can be counterproductive if one asks a patient to 'come clean' early on to loved ones. If, and at least when it comes to my son, when one lies in big 'coming clean' confession, one easily gets stuck to those lies and has extra hardship get over that too and not just a hardship of admitting things first to yourself and then to therapist. So at least first lots of the bad stuff stayed between difficult child and therapist and even therapist was not asking him to come clean at once. It was a process of admitting those things first to himself, then talking about them to therapist (and with some things that too, took a long time, for example he apparently did tell the incident that pushed him to his addiction to his therapist before it came up last winter, at least some of it, but that was two years after he started his addiction treatment and the therapist was not his addiction therapist but one he had later started to work because of his trauma issues) and then later, maybe, telling others. difficult child told us more when time went on, but I'm sure there are things he haven't and some of them most likely never will. I'm totally okay with it. It is his process, only thing that matters is that he faces those issues and tries to be honest to himself.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SuZir, post: 608742, member: 14557"] Same type of passive-aggressiveness is typical also for my difficult child, though he tends to be viciously backstabbing at his worst, not just a 'dancer.' While with him for lots of things just had to be talked through, learned the truth and made amends, for the rest his treatment team, and also us, in fact advised him against 'coming clean' for us. According his then therapist it can be counterproductive if one asks a patient to 'come clean' early on to loved ones. If, and at least when it comes to my son, when one lies in big 'coming clean' confession, one easily gets stuck to those lies and has extra hardship get over that too and not just a hardship of admitting things first to yourself and then to therapist. So at least first lots of the bad stuff stayed between difficult child and therapist and even therapist was not asking him to come clean at once. It was a process of admitting those things first to himself, then talking about them to therapist (and with some things that too, took a long time, for example he apparently did tell the incident that pushed him to his addiction to his therapist before it came up last winter, at least some of it, but that was two years after he started his addiction treatment and the therapist was not his addiction therapist but one he had later started to work because of his trauma issues) and then later, maybe, telling others. difficult child told us more when time went on, but I'm sure there are things he haven't and some of them most likely never will. I'm totally okay with it. It is his process, only thing that matters is that he faces those issues and tries to be honest to himself. [/QUOTE]
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