Hi Barneysmom, so sorry to have to welcome you back. 
What trials you've been through!
It sounds like your son is both Aspie and bipolar. How old was he when he was adopted? Do you know anything about his bparents?
I'm glad you and your husband are going to counseling. It's not a total fix but it helps.
I don't know that much about Wellbutrin, but I've got some experience with-Effexor, and it helps take the edge off, a major miracle when dealing with-a kid like that. Sigh.
I'm sorry your other child went through a rough patch, but living with-a difficult child can have a huge influence on siblings. I've got my fingers crossed for him.
What behavior strategies do you have in place? What works and what doesn't?
Sorry for so many questions.
Definitely, you have a home here, whether you lurk or not.
Hugs.
