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Substance Abuse
Completely Lost......
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 619464" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hi, there. I would say most of us who have been here a while have been pretty much in your shoes and pretty much lived your life and our adult kids pretty much all followed a similar pattern to your son. I would not be a bit surprised if he were using a lot more than pot and if the drugs are what he is stealing to buy drugs...and I am guessing he owes money to a drug dealer. My daughter did and he threatened to k ill her. Of course we didn't know this while it was going on. We just knew she stole and that she claimed she owed somebody money, but not until she quit did she tell us some drug dealer was after her. We made her leave the house and she DID quit, but it took her hitting rock bottom with no friends and being sick of herself to do so and it would never have happened in our house. It was too easy to enable her. And to believe her lies. Until we couldn't anymore.</p><p></p><p>Your son is 20, an adult, and you should not be suffering because of HIS bad choices and mess ups and, yes, get your car back! I highly recommend you find a Narc-Anon meeting for caregivers of drug users because you will get on track on how to deal with your son...and how to start focusing on you and YOUR happiness and YOUR life. You've had some rough blows within the last year. You need to be good to you. You CAN NOT change your son or anybody in the world, except for yourself. I think private therapy is also very helpful; therapy that focuses on your own life. You may also want to look into The National Alliance for the Mentally Ill (NAMI) for more help on how to deal with your son. And I'd read our forum article on detachment.</p><p></p><p>There is no reason for you to pay for any of his "toys" anymore. He can get a job. He is just too involved with his friends and whatever they are doing. Any money you give him may go to drugs.Does substance abuse run anywhere in his family tree on either side? Is he willing to go to a rehab?</p><p></p><p>I am really sorry for your hurting mommy heart, and I hope you stay here and learn how all of us dealt with similar situations. We are on call 24/7 <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 619464, member: 1550"] Hi, there. I would say most of us who have been here a while have been pretty much in your shoes and pretty much lived your life and our adult kids pretty much all followed a similar pattern to your son. I would not be a bit surprised if he were using a lot more than pot and if the drugs are what he is stealing to buy drugs...and I am guessing he owes money to a drug dealer. My daughter did and he threatened to k ill her. Of course we didn't know this while it was going on. We just knew she stole and that she claimed she owed somebody money, but not until she quit did she tell us some drug dealer was after her. We made her leave the house and she DID quit, but it took her hitting rock bottom with no friends and being sick of herself to do so and it would never have happened in our house. It was too easy to enable her. And to believe her lies. Until we couldn't anymore. Your son is 20, an adult, and you should not be suffering because of HIS bad choices and mess ups and, yes, get your car back! I highly recommend you find a Narc-Anon meeting for caregivers of drug users because you will get on track on how to deal with your son...and how to start focusing on you and YOUR happiness and YOUR life. You've had some rough blows within the last year. You need to be good to you. You CAN NOT change your son or anybody in the world, except for yourself. I think private therapy is also very helpful; therapy that focuses on your own life. You may also want to look into The National Alliance for the Mentally Ill (NAMI) for more help on how to deal with your son. And I'd read our forum article on detachment. There is no reason for you to pay for any of his "toys" anymore. He can get a job. He is just too involved with his friends and whatever they are doing. Any money you give him may go to drugs.Does substance abuse run anywhere in his family tree on either side? Is he willing to go to a rehab? I am really sorry for your hurting mommy heart, and I hope you stay here and learn how all of us dealt with similar situations. We are on call 24/7 :) [/QUOTE]
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