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Conduct Disorder - Is there any hope?
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 369733" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Barney'smom has great suggestions. I had forgotten about the Chandler Papers. They are very informative!!</p><p></p><p>One thing I want to add is that YOU are the expert on your child. The various doctor and professionals are experts about fields of medicine, study, etc... They spend precious little time with our kids, some as little as 5-10 minutes every 3-4 months!! That is less than an hour a year!!! You have been there every single day of your child's existence!! If you are his birth mom you were there for 40 weeks before he was born too! You spent more time with him before he was born than any doctor will in his lifetime. How is that for putting things in perspective as to who is an expert on what???When that was pointed out to me I was shocked. It is such a different way to think about it, isn't it? Yet it is a very logical way to look at it.</p><p></p><p>Don't get me wrong, the docs and experts are necessary. They just do not have the final say. They will interpret things differently and can give you a different point of view on things.</p><p></p><p>On example- My 15yo daughter, Jess, has what looks like a movement disorder. Her body will shake uncontrollably for hours at a time. The muscles contract and relax all on their own. The docs have seen that when she talks the shaking stops. They conclude that it is anxiety related and if we keep her busy she won't shake. They are dead WRONG. She can suppress the shaking for short periods of time. If she wants to eat, drink, or talk she MUST suppress the shaking. Otherwise she cannot control her vocal cords and the muscles that are used in speech. I have worked with her on this for the last year, since it started. She simply is unable to speak, to get food or drink to her mouth or to swallow unless she stops the shaking. Of course the docs ALL think they know everything and have told me I am making excuses for her. Her therapist wants to go shoot them, lol! The therapist sees anxiety there, but it is largely caused by the disorder and the migraines she has 3-4 times a week. </p><p></p><p>It is EASY to get confused about what is going on, and to let the docs convince you that they are correct. You have instincts about your kids, very powerful ones. If someone suggests something that your instincts scream is wrong, or you see a symptom that instincts tell you is serious, go with those instincts. EVERY SINGLE TIME. Most of us here admit that the biggest, most awful mistakes we have made as parents have come about because we did what an expert was sure needed to happen even though our instincts screamed the opposite. It can be hard to stand up against the experts. Esp if your spouse or another family member thinks you are dead wrong. It is still important to follow your instincts. </p><p></p><p>You will make mistakes. We ALL do. Our kids learn that we are not infallible, and that it is okay to make mistakes. The important thing is to not beat yourself up when you do mess things up. Also to not let your kid beat you up with guilt because you made a mistake!</p><p></p><p>Many of us have found that diet can make a BIG difference in our children's behavior. Some of our kids have food allergies or sensitivities that result in terrible rages and behavior. Wiz becomes terribly MEAN when he eats a lot of sugar on an empty stomach. He truly becomes Mr. Hyde. As long as he has enough protein in his diet he is fine with a reasonable amount of sugar. We have found that those protein bars are wonderful to have on hand. They satisfy his sweet tooth and don't send him into the sugar meanies. Others have kids who don't handle gluten or casein well. The diet is called a girlfriend/cg diet, meaning gluten free/casein free. Gluten is a protein in grains like wheat and casein is a protein found in dairy. The diets can be pretty hard at first because gluten and casein are in all sorts of things that you wouldn't think of, but for some kids it makes all the difference in the world. Allergy testing sometimes shows these problems, as do tests for celiac disease (gluten is not digested properly and causes enormous problems). Some kids show no signs of celiac disease or other allergies and still have problems if they eat certain foods. </p><p></p><p>If at all possible, it is helpful to keep a journal of difficult child's moods, behavior, and what he eats. You may see some links after a couple of weeks of recording this stuff. </p><p></p><p>Has your son ever been evaluated for sensory integration disorder? Sensory Integration Disorder (SID) happens when the brain does not process sensory input properly. It is a problem thought to be in how the brain is wired. That is why people have asked about if tags on clothes bother your son, if certain textures, colors, tastes, etc... are problems. It can cause drastic problems including tactile defensiveness. Wiz has had a lot of problems with that. Even a very light touch might make him take a swing at you. He flinched from every touch, sometimes even from his clothing if it brushed his skin. Some kids avoid stimulation and others seek it out. Your son should be evaluated by a private Occupational Therapist. Here in the US our school have Occupational Therapist (OT)'s on staff but they only evaluate for how Sensory Integration Disorder (SID) impacts academics. Private OTs look for how it impacts every facet of his life. Sensory Integration Disorder (SID) is a very hopeful diagnosis. One of the primary therapies is brushing. A very soft brush, like a surgical scrub brush, is used to brush the body in a certain pattern and is followed by very gentle joint compressions. It is proven that this actually forms new pathways in the brain to handle sensory input!! And it involves NOTHING invasive!! Many kids enjoy the therapy and it can be done under or over clothing. The brushing and compressions take us less than 2 minutes to complete even taking our time - my son timed us with a stopwatch, lol. Do NOT try to figure out the brushing yourself. It must be taught by an Occupational Therapist (OT) because you can create more problems if it is not done correctly. To learn more, read The Out of Sync Child and The Out of Sync Child Has Fun by Carol Kranowitz.</p><p></p><p>I hope I haven't overwhelmed you. If I have I am sorry. I don't know what services are available to you and wanted to offer a variety of suggestions. Most important of all, keep coming back here!!! We truly care. We have walked (and ran, rolled, wallowed, fallen, etc...) in your shoes and we truly understand. We will NOT judge you and we won't be upset if you just want to vent and ignore suggestions. We know not all suggestions work for every family.</p><p></p><p>(((((hugs)))))</p><p></p><p>Susie</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 369733, member: 1233"] Barney'smom has great suggestions. I had forgotten about the Chandler Papers. They are very informative!! One thing I want to add is that YOU are the expert on your child. The various doctor and professionals are experts about fields of medicine, study, etc... They spend precious little time with our kids, some as little as 5-10 minutes every 3-4 months!! That is less than an hour a year!!! You have been there every single day of your child's existence!! If you are his birth mom you were there for 40 weeks before he was born too! You spent more time with him before he was born than any doctor will in his lifetime. How is that for putting things in perspective as to who is an expert on what???When that was pointed out to me I was shocked. It is such a different way to think about it, isn't it? Yet it is a very logical way to look at it. Don't get me wrong, the docs and experts are necessary. They just do not have the final say. They will interpret things differently and can give you a different point of view on things. On example- My 15yo daughter, Jess, has what looks like a movement disorder. Her body will shake uncontrollably for hours at a time. The muscles contract and relax all on their own. The docs have seen that when she talks the shaking stops. They conclude that it is anxiety related and if we keep her busy she won't shake. They are dead WRONG. She can suppress the shaking for short periods of time. If she wants to eat, drink, or talk she MUST suppress the shaking. Otherwise she cannot control her vocal cords and the muscles that are used in speech. I have worked with her on this for the last year, since it started. She simply is unable to speak, to get food or drink to her mouth or to swallow unless she stops the shaking. Of course the docs ALL think they know everything and have told me I am making excuses for her. Her therapist wants to go shoot them, lol! The therapist sees anxiety there, but it is largely caused by the disorder and the migraines she has 3-4 times a week. It is EASY to get confused about what is going on, and to let the docs convince you that they are correct. You have instincts about your kids, very powerful ones. If someone suggests something that your instincts scream is wrong, or you see a symptom that instincts tell you is serious, go with those instincts. EVERY SINGLE TIME. Most of us here admit that the biggest, most awful mistakes we have made as parents have come about because we did what an expert was sure needed to happen even though our instincts screamed the opposite. It can be hard to stand up against the experts. Esp if your spouse or another family member thinks you are dead wrong. It is still important to follow your instincts. You will make mistakes. We ALL do. Our kids learn that we are not infallible, and that it is okay to make mistakes. The important thing is to not beat yourself up when you do mess things up. Also to not let your kid beat you up with guilt because you made a mistake! Many of us have found that diet can make a BIG difference in our children's behavior. Some of our kids have food allergies or sensitivities that result in terrible rages and behavior. Wiz becomes terribly MEAN when he eats a lot of sugar on an empty stomach. He truly becomes Mr. Hyde. As long as he has enough protein in his diet he is fine with a reasonable amount of sugar. We have found that those protein bars are wonderful to have on hand. They satisfy his sweet tooth and don't send him into the sugar meanies. Others have kids who don't handle gluten or casein well. The diet is called a girlfriend/cg diet, meaning gluten free/casein free. Gluten is a protein in grains like wheat and casein is a protein found in dairy. The diets can be pretty hard at first because gluten and casein are in all sorts of things that you wouldn't think of, but for some kids it makes all the difference in the world. Allergy testing sometimes shows these problems, as do tests for celiac disease (gluten is not digested properly and causes enormous problems). Some kids show no signs of celiac disease or other allergies and still have problems if they eat certain foods. If at all possible, it is helpful to keep a journal of difficult child's moods, behavior, and what he eats. You may see some links after a couple of weeks of recording this stuff. Has your son ever been evaluated for sensory integration disorder? Sensory Integration Disorder (SID) happens when the brain does not process sensory input properly. It is a problem thought to be in how the brain is wired. That is why people have asked about if tags on clothes bother your son, if certain textures, colors, tastes, etc... are problems. It can cause drastic problems including tactile defensiveness. Wiz has had a lot of problems with that. Even a very light touch might make him take a swing at you. He flinched from every touch, sometimes even from his clothing if it brushed his skin. Some kids avoid stimulation and others seek it out. Your son should be evaluated by a private Occupational Therapist. Here in the US our school have Occupational Therapist (OT)'s on staff but they only evaluate for how Sensory Integration Disorder (SID) impacts academics. Private OTs look for how it impacts every facet of his life. Sensory Integration Disorder (SID) is a very hopeful diagnosis. One of the primary therapies is brushing. A very soft brush, like a surgical scrub brush, is used to brush the body in a certain pattern and is followed by very gentle joint compressions. It is proven that this actually forms new pathways in the brain to handle sensory input!! And it involves NOTHING invasive!! Many kids enjoy the therapy and it can be done under or over clothing. The brushing and compressions take us less than 2 minutes to complete even taking our time - my son timed us with a stopwatch, lol. Do NOT try to figure out the brushing yourself. It must be taught by an Occupational Therapist (OT) because you can create more problems if it is not done correctly. To learn more, read The Out of Sync Child and The Out of Sync Child Has Fun by Carol Kranowitz. I hope I haven't overwhelmed you. If I have I am sorry. I don't know what services are available to you and wanted to offer a variety of suggestions. Most important of all, keep coming back here!!! We truly care. We have walked (and ran, rolled, wallowed, fallen, etc...) in your shoes and we truly understand. We will NOT judge you and we won't be upset if you just want to vent and ignore suggestions. We know not all suggestions work for every family. (((((hugs))))) Susie [/QUOTE]
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