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Consistency and Consequences
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<blockquote data-quote="JodyS" data-source="post: 182891" data-attributes="member: 5440"><p><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/felttip/angry-very.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":angry-very:" title="angry-very :angry-very:" data-shortname=":angry-very:" />O.K. So I've read the books. Pick your battles, etc. The problem is my son, and no matter what consequences and how consistent I am continues to break the rules day after day after day. I know you have to pick your battles, but by letting go of a lot of it, I worry he is getting the message that hey mom only comes down on me for certain things, but ends up blowing a lot of stuff off. So by picking my battles and grounding him for what I beleive are "bad" things he has done, he still continues to do bad and is grounded 24-7.</p><p> </p><p>EX: I started letting him ride his bike to friends this summer. I was leary, but wanted him to be able to go visit friends and earn responsibility. He is not the most responsible when I bike with him, so I was nervous. Today I busted him big time. I told him he may only go to the park near our house. I have 2 foster boys here and they went with him. He lied to them and told them I said they could go to a different park that was much farther away. My daughter came home and said they are not at the park mom. So I got in my car and drove around for 1/2 hour before finding them on their way back home. I grounded him from his bike for the summer. I don't feel he is responsible enough. I am so angry for him so blantenly disobeying me that I feel he needs to stay in his room as well for the day.</p><p> </p><p>My questions are these: How do you pick your battles? When you choose not to battle over things your child has done wrong don't you worry they are getting mixed messages? How do they know when to follow the rules then? Am I being overboard? How can I help my son not be grounded 24-7? He lies and breaks the rules daily. I don't know how to turn this around so he doesn't do it. HELP</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="JodyS, post: 182891, member: 5440"] :angry-very:O.K. So I've read the books. Pick your battles, etc. The problem is my son, and no matter what consequences and how consistent I am continues to break the rules day after day after day. I know you have to pick your battles, but by letting go of a lot of it, I worry he is getting the message that hey mom only comes down on me for certain things, but ends up blowing a lot of stuff off. So by picking my battles and grounding him for what I beleive are "bad" things he has done, he still continues to do bad and is grounded 24-7. EX: I started letting him ride his bike to friends this summer. I was leary, but wanted him to be able to go visit friends and earn responsibility. He is not the most responsible when I bike with him, so I was nervous. Today I busted him big time. I told him he may only go to the park near our house. I have 2 foster boys here and they went with him. He lied to them and told them I said they could go to a different park that was much farther away. My daughter came home and said they are not at the park mom. So I got in my car and drove around for 1/2 hour before finding them on their way back home. I grounded him from his bike for the summer. I don't feel he is responsible enough. I am so angry for him so blantenly disobeying me that I feel he needs to stay in his room as well for the day. My questions are these: How do you pick your battles? When you choose not to battle over things your child has done wrong don't you worry they are getting mixed messages? How do they know when to follow the rules then? Am I being overboard? How can I help my son not be grounded 24-7? He lies and breaks the rules daily. I don't know how to turn this around so he doesn't do it. HELP [/QUOTE]
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