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Coping with addicted, homeless adult daughter
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<blockquote data-quote="ANewLife4Me" data-source="post: 764890" data-attributes="member: 32799"><p>With God, all things are possible. Welcome Dad34, I am so sorry that you have to go through this. Will add you to my prayers for strength and for peace of mind. While my daughter used drugs she has more of mental illness going on, it’s a hard battle for either side and so very well understand your concern for her welfare, the sleepless nights. <img class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" alt="😢" title="Crying face :cry:" src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/6.6/png/unicode/64/1f622.png" data-shortname=":cry:" /> Mine is in jail right now, yet again, and at least for now I know she is pretty safe. But as you were saying of wanting to reach out, trying harder. Even without a phone she knows how to get in contact with you I am sure. Our children need to accept some responsibility for their actions, you have done so much already. A good book I read from Allison Bottke - Setting Boundaries with our adult children says, “For so long I expected my son to live the kind of life I wished for him to live—a life he himself has no desire to live. Therefore, my expectations were unrealistic. I had to let go of those false (and unfair) expectations.” This statement hit me like a ton of bricks, I was trying to force my daughter to do things she really did not want to do. When she had no choice and made promises, once she came back to live with us the promises were quickly broken and chaos ensued, she did not want the life or plans we agreed to.</p><p></p><p>10 years we have tried everything as you have and we are no better off then when she first started. We paid the toll financially, healthwise and with my husband and I almost 60 we said enough. She left our home a year ago, we had no contact. She has been in jail since Nov 2023, tried to call for bail, we told the bondsman no. We talked last year to her till we were blue in the face how it’s time for OUR life now, we are not getting any younger. We told her no bailing her out of jail and no help if she left our home, she knew the consequences. But see? She looked at me sly and said, you will help me because you love me. I said back, I do love you but we cannot do this anymore.</p><p></p><p>Once my daughter is out of jail the real fear begins. She has had her car repossessed that she was living out of. She will be on the street, literally, with no shelter. Fear of her being violent with us because as tough as this will be, we are sticking to our decision of no contact at this time. Hardest thing I have ever done to date, I want so bad to go visit her in jail. It’s time though, we cannot live the rest of our lives like this.</p><p></p><p>I agree with lovemysons to let go and let God. He alone will take care of our wayward children. I repeat this like a mantra when my heart is low. Let go and let God. </p><p></p><p>Big hugs! <img class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" alt="❤️" title="Red heart :heart:" src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/6.6/png/unicode/64/2764.png" data-shortname=":heart:" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="ANewLife4Me, post: 764890, member: 32799"] With God, all things are possible. Welcome Dad34, I am so sorry that you have to go through this. Will add you to my prayers for strength and for peace of mind. While my daughter used drugs she has more of mental illness going on, it’s a hard battle for either side and so very well understand your concern for her welfare, the sleepless nights. 😢 Mine is in jail right now, yet again, and at least for now I know she is pretty safe. But as you were saying of wanting to reach out, trying harder. Even without a phone she knows how to get in contact with you I am sure. Our children need to accept some responsibility for their actions, you have done so much already. A good book I read from Allison Bottke - Setting Boundaries with our adult children says, “For so long I expected my son to live the kind of life I wished for him to live—a life he himself has no desire to live. Therefore, my expectations were unrealistic. I had to let go of those false (and unfair) expectations.” This statement hit me like a ton of bricks, I was trying to force my daughter to do things she really did not want to do. When she had no choice and made promises, once she came back to live with us the promises were quickly broken and chaos ensued, she did not want the life or plans we agreed to. 10 years we have tried everything as you have and we are no better off then when she first started. We paid the toll financially, healthwise and with my husband and I almost 60 we said enough. She left our home a year ago, we had no contact. She has been in jail since Nov 2023, tried to call for bail, we told the bondsman no. We talked last year to her till we were blue in the face how it’s time for OUR life now, we are not getting any younger. We told her no bailing her out of jail and no help if she left our home, she knew the consequences. But see? She looked at me sly and said, you will help me because you love me. I said back, I do love you but we cannot do this anymore. Once my daughter is out of jail the real fear begins. She has had her car repossessed that she was living out of. She will be on the street, literally, with no shelter. Fear of her being violent with us because as tough as this will be, we are sticking to our decision of no contact at this time. Hardest thing I have ever done to date, I want so bad to go visit her in jail. It’s time though, we cannot live the rest of our lives like this. I agree with lovemysons to let go and let God. He alone will take care of our wayward children. I repeat this like a mantra when my heart is low. Let go and let God. Big hugs! ❤️ [/QUOTE]
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