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Coping with addicted, homeless adult daughter
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<blockquote data-quote="Dad34" data-source="post: 765050" data-attributes="member: 32757"><p>lovemysons,</p><p>I don't know what has caused her to hate herself. Al Anon literature states that often the addict knows they are hurting their family through their addiction, and that that can cause them to continue to drink/use drugs to dull the pain/guilt, especially if we family members criticize them, beg them to do what we want them to do, etc. Also, when she was in high school, she used to sneak out of the house at night - a lot (I thought I caught her most of the time but she must have done it more than I knew). Anyway, many years later she told me that once, when she had sneaked out of the house, she had been raped. My ex-wife isn't sure she is telling the truth. I don't know, but she seemed to be telling the truth when she told me. I asked her why she hadn't told me that night, and she said she tried to tell herself it wasn't a big deal. It's still hard for me to believe she could keep something like that from me for so many years without my finding out. Anyway, she wouldn't tell me who had raped her (which could be a good thing, because as a father I may feel moved to find the creep and...well, you get the picture). If she was raped, surely it would have had emotional consequences, I would think. As for seeing a Christian counselor, I would love for her to do that and perhaps that time will come. But now she is out of contact and, apparently, still homeless and lost in her addiction.</p><p></p><p>I'm glad your other son got his act together, and that your daughter is doing well. I'll keep praying for your grandchildren too. I'm sure they do miss their dad.</p><p></p><p>Thanks for your thoughtful questions! <img class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" alt="❤️" title="Red heart :heart:" src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/6.6/png/unicode/64/2764.png" data-shortname=":heart:" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Dad34, post: 765050, member: 32757"] lovemysons, I don't know what has caused her to hate herself. Al Anon literature states that often the addict knows they are hurting their family through their addiction, and that that can cause them to continue to drink/use drugs to dull the pain/guilt, especially if we family members criticize them, beg them to do what we want them to do, etc. Also, when she was in high school, she used to sneak out of the house at night - a lot (I thought I caught her most of the time but she must have done it more than I knew). Anyway, many years later she told me that once, when she had sneaked out of the house, she had been raped. My ex-wife isn't sure she is telling the truth. I don't know, but she seemed to be telling the truth when she told me. I asked her why she hadn't told me that night, and she said she tried to tell herself it wasn't a big deal. It's still hard for me to believe she could keep something like that from me for so many years without my finding out. Anyway, she wouldn't tell me who had raped her (which could be a good thing, because as a father I may feel moved to find the creep and...well, you get the picture). If she was raped, surely it would have had emotional consequences, I would think. As for seeing a Christian counselor, I would love for her to do that and perhaps that time will come. But now she is out of contact and, apparently, still homeless and lost in her addiction. I'm glad your other son got his act together, and that your daughter is doing well. I'll keep praying for your grandchildren too. I'm sure they do miss their dad. Thanks for your thoughtful questions! ❤️ [/QUOTE]
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Coping with addicted, homeless adult daughter
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