Thank you for all of your kind, compassionate responses. I value all of you, and your thoughts, so much. And it's helpful to know I'm not alone in this.
Copa, you are not badgering me at all. I appreciate your concern. I have been keeping very busy lately, which is good on the one hand because it helps keep my mind off or my daughter's situation. But on the other hand, she is never far from my thoughts, which can quickly go in a depressing direction, and I have to redirect my thoughts to the many blessings in my life...even as I continue to pray for her daily.
My daughter somehow managed to get out of jail and I'm not sure how. Her mother usually won't talk with me, but I was finally able to get through to and talk with her on the phone, and she hadn't bailed her out of jail. Nor did I bail her out, because I believed she was better off in jail than back on the streets. Apparently her bail was reduced from $500 to $250. Who knows how she pulled it off.
During the week she was in jail, she did try to call me a few times, especially the last three days, probably after she realized her mother wasn't going to help her this time. On those last three days, she sporadically blew up my phone, always when I was either in business meetings, or with other people when it would have been awkward to step away, and lastly when I was in the dentist chair. Of course, even though it would have been disruptive, I could have stepped away and answered, but I knew what I was likely to get...she would want me to pay bail and was going to give me a hard time if I said no. I finally tried to call her back, but the jail wouldn't put me through to her. They said I had to sign up for some kind of app and pay and I didn't really want to go that route, so I decided I would answer the next time she called. Then, she abruptly stopped calling. A couple of days later her mother texted to say our daughter had been released from jail but she didn't know how it happened. I haven't heard from my daughter since.
I have tried to communicate with her on FaceBook, but with no response. So, how bad did she really want to talk with me? In the aftermath, I wrestle. I feel bad that I didn't answer; maybe she just wanted to talk, ask for emotional support, and tell me she really wants to get better in rehab this time. Maybe she is hurt now that I didn't answer her phone calls from jail and thinks I don't love her.
BUT, I also know that for my own sanity and health, I needed to prepare myself for and protect myself from what likely would have been a barrage of casting blame on me for not caring about her, guilt tripping for not paying her bail, etc. I just didn't know if I could take that. It's so sad. I saw online that her court date is in late August. I have thought about trying to go to it but should I? It is 3 hours away and it's possible she may not even show up, but of course I would go in a heartbeat if I thought I could help somehow. Guess I have a little time to ponder that.
It feels vulnerable to say all this but I am so thankful this is a place where we can share with folks who understand, who have been or are going through the same terrible nightmares. Blessings to you all.
