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Coping with adult daughter Borderline (BPD)
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<blockquote data-quote="Kathryn" data-source="post: 711806" data-attributes="member: 20947"><p>It's been many months since I've shared with all of you regarding my 31-yr old daughter (Borderline (BPD)). As of 11/01/16, I began working a full-time job (out of financial necessity), and endure a ridiculous long commute everyday as well. I'm almost 70 - and I can't believe I continue to ALLOW my daughter's behavior to drag me down & take over MY life! I know that all of you have experienced the same pain and anguish, and are STILL going through this living hell. I guess it doesn't stop until the Borderline (BPD) actually recognizes the illness & seeks help. Realistically, I know that won't happen anytime soon. Those of you who are also dealing with grandchildren (who are used as leverage by the Borderline (BPD)) understand the complete feeling of helplessness when it comes to those young innocents. </p><p></p><p>My daughter & 7-yr old grandson, have been living with her 'boyfriend' for the past year and a half. As predicted, that relationship has totally failed, and he wants them out of the house. Like many of your daughters, mine has jerked my grandson around from home to home, a couple of states, has lived with me on several occasions (which always turned out to be disastrous), and has never held down a job for more than 10 months. She has been unemployed for the past 8 months - and boyfriend wants them out of the house by July 1 (supposedly by mutual agreement and because it would take them through the end of my grandson's school year). Naturally, all her bravado about finding work and a place to live, is just hot air! She spends her days doing frivolous things, eating out (and God knows how she pays for most of this - she exists on meager child support and food stamps), and in short, living a life of relative luxury. But, yet I am the villain because I will not let my daughter & grandson move in with me! </p><p></p><p>Trust me, my heart would let them in a minute. And I would take care of my grandson completely without hesitation. But, I know that I must practice "tough love" and be firm. It is killing me - but my reasonable brain says that I should not let this affect me this way. Some days I just feel paralyzed by grief and sadness. I know that she is spreading vicious stories to her so-called friends (who will traditionally disappear within a year or less) saying that I'm turning away her "child and grandchild". </p><p></p><p>Thank you for allowing me to pour out my heart. I feel great comfort just in knowing that I'm "not alone". Even though I don't check this 'thread' frequently (I'm just so utterly exhausted after working 40-hour weeks!), please know that I am here to listen to you should you wish to share. We are truly blessed to have each other - even if we have to be united by such excruciating pain. </p><p>Kathryn</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Kathryn, post: 711806, member: 20947"] It's been many months since I've shared with all of you regarding my 31-yr old daughter (Borderline (BPD)). As of 11/01/16, I began working a full-time job (out of financial necessity), and endure a ridiculous long commute everyday as well. I'm almost 70 - and I can't believe I continue to ALLOW my daughter's behavior to drag me down & take over MY life! I know that all of you have experienced the same pain and anguish, and are STILL going through this living hell. I guess it doesn't stop until the Borderline (BPD) actually recognizes the illness & seeks help. Realistically, I know that won't happen anytime soon. Those of you who are also dealing with grandchildren (who are used as leverage by the Borderline (BPD)) understand the complete feeling of helplessness when it comes to those young innocents. My daughter & 7-yr old grandson, have been living with her 'boyfriend' for the past year and a half. As predicted, that relationship has totally failed, and he wants them out of the house. Like many of your daughters, mine has jerked my grandson around from home to home, a couple of states, has lived with me on several occasions (which always turned out to be disastrous), and has never held down a job for more than 10 months. She has been unemployed for the past 8 months - and boyfriend wants them out of the house by July 1 (supposedly by mutual agreement and because it would take them through the end of my grandson's school year). Naturally, all her bravado about finding work and a place to live, is just hot air! She spends her days doing frivolous things, eating out (and God knows how she pays for most of this - she exists on meager child support and food stamps), and in short, living a life of relative luxury. But, yet I am the villain because I will not let my daughter & grandson move in with me! Trust me, my heart would let them in a minute. And I would take care of my grandson completely without hesitation. But, I know that I must practice "tough love" and be firm. It is killing me - but my reasonable brain says that I should not let this affect me this way. Some days I just feel paralyzed by grief and sadness. I know that she is spreading vicious stories to her so-called friends (who will traditionally disappear within a year or less) saying that I'm turning away her "child and grandchild". Thank you for allowing me to pour out my heart. I feel great comfort just in knowing that I'm "not alone". Even though I don't check this 'thread' frequently (I'm just so utterly exhausted after working 40-hour weeks!), please know that I am here to listen to you should you wish to share. We are truly blessed to have each other - even if we have to be united by such excruciating pain. Kathryn [/QUOTE]
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