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Substance Abuse
Coping with detachment and no contact with 20 yo son
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<blockquote data-quote="pigless in VA" data-source="post: 718027" data-attributes="member: 11832"><p>Welcome, momfromdownunder.</p><p></p><p>Please don't listen to your former father in law. Since you are divorced from his son, you are the convenient scapegoat for everything that is wrong in the world. He is probably blaming you for bad weather, too.</p><p></p><p>You will find that people here understand the turmoil in your life and how gut wrenching it is to make the decision to not allow your own son to live with you any longer. You certainly had more than enough happen for me to decide that if I were in your shoes. </p><p></p><p>I am curious as to why your former father in law has had your son come back to live with him. He "fixed" him, so your son should go back there to live and be normal. </p><p></p><p>I found out after his death that my former father in law blamed me for my husband's suicide. I know that I did everything I could, said everything I could, and loved him as much as anyone ever did. I know in my heart that I wanted my late husband to live, not die. I was the last person he spoke to. In that conversation, I begged him to get help. I never once said, "we would be better off without you." I always told him how much the kids and I needed him. He was too ill to hear it. </p><p></p><p>People of the older generation often felt that no matter how a person behaved, you should allow them to behave that way. We know better now. Everyone has a right to boundaries. You have a right to feel safe in your own home. Violence and drug abuse, particularly when affecting young children, are over stepping those boundaries. Your ex father in law has no idea what you've lived through. Ignore his opinion.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="pigless in VA, post: 718027, member: 11832"] Welcome, momfromdownunder. Please don't listen to your former father in law. Since you are divorced from his son, you are the convenient scapegoat for everything that is wrong in the world. He is probably blaming you for bad weather, too. You will find that people here understand the turmoil in your life and how gut wrenching it is to make the decision to not allow your own son to live with you any longer. You certainly had more than enough happen for me to decide that if I were in your shoes. I am curious as to why your former father in law has had your son come back to live with him. He "fixed" him, so your son should go back there to live and be normal. I found out after his death that my former father in law blamed me for my husband's suicide. I know that I did everything I could, said everything I could, and loved him as much as anyone ever did. I know in my heart that I wanted my late husband to live, not die. I was the last person he spoke to. In that conversation, I begged him to get help. I never once said, "we would be better off without you." I always told him how much the kids and I needed him. He was too ill to hear it. People of the older generation often felt that no matter how a person behaved, you should allow them to behave that way. We know better now. Everyone has a right to boundaries. You have a right to feel safe in your own home. Violence and drug abuse, particularly when affecting young children, are over stepping those boundaries. Your ex father in law has no idea what you've lived through. Ignore his opinion. [/QUOTE]
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Coping with detachment and no contact with 20 yo son
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