Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
Coping with detachment and no contact with 20 yo son
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="RN0441" data-source="post: 718099" data-attributes="member: 15032"><p>Welcome</p><p></p><p>You have been through a lot. So have I. We moved our son out a year ago April and it was the best thing we ever did. We gave him the option of rehab or a shelter and he chose rehab in Illinois where we live and then we moved him to IOP and sober living in South Florida. I knew he could not come home. We've tried that. He has had a few major setbacks but we send him right back to rehab. We will not let him come home. I know he would go right back to the way things were and I will not live like that again. It would not end well if he were in my home.</p><p></p><p>Of course we love our son with all our hearts. He is the only son we had together and we both have a son from a previous marriage. It breaks our heart every day that he is not with us. These are his choices though. He wants nothing more than to be close to us but his behaviors push us further and further away from him. It's like he's an only child since our older boys are 8 years his senior.</p><p></p><p>I hope someday he will straighten out and take his addiction seriously and we can have a healthy parent/adult child relationship with him like we do with our older sons. I will accept nothing less from him. I will not embrace the addict in him. I cannot fix him. He has to do this for himself. We have given him the tools. We have given him our love.</p><p></p><p>I have been seeing a therapist and it has helped me cope and set healthy boundaries. I used to be SUCH A MESS. I do not know how I did my job to be honest when I think back on that person I used to be. So very sad and broken. I'm still sad but I have found lots of coping mechanisms now. Some go to Alanon or other groups but I find coming to this forum helps me not feel alone. I can share what I have learned and I also learn from others.</p><p></p><p>When we have children like this we cannot parent them the way we parent our other children. It is almost a complete reversal. When they are addicts whatever we do for them allows them to continue living that lifestyle. It is enabling. It is a tightrope. Fortunately my son never wanted to couch surf or life on the streets so he chose rehab. Although some say it doesn't help if they don't want to be there I feel that it does help. Any time they are in rehab they are sober and they are learning about their addiction. The seed is planted. He is safe. </p><p></p><p>Continue to educate yourself on this disease and get help for yourself. Yes, block that father in law. He has no idea what he's talking about.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="RN0441, post: 718099, member: 15032"] Welcome You have been through a lot. So have I. We moved our son out a year ago April and it was the best thing we ever did. We gave him the option of rehab or a shelter and he chose rehab in Illinois where we live and then we moved him to IOP and sober living in South Florida. I knew he could not come home. We've tried that. He has had a few major setbacks but we send him right back to rehab. We will not let him come home. I know he would go right back to the way things were and I will not live like that again. It would not end well if he were in my home. Of course we love our son with all our hearts. He is the only son we had together and we both have a son from a previous marriage. It breaks our heart every day that he is not with us. These are his choices though. He wants nothing more than to be close to us but his behaviors push us further and further away from him. It's like he's an only child since our older boys are 8 years his senior. I hope someday he will straighten out and take his addiction seriously and we can have a healthy parent/adult child relationship with him like we do with our older sons. I will accept nothing less from him. I will not embrace the addict in him. I cannot fix him. He has to do this for himself. We have given him the tools. We have given him our love. I have been seeing a therapist and it has helped me cope and set healthy boundaries. I used to be SUCH A MESS. I do not know how I did my job to be honest when I think back on that person I used to be. So very sad and broken. I'm still sad but I have found lots of coping mechanisms now. Some go to Alanon or other groups but I find coming to this forum helps me not feel alone. I can share what I have learned and I also learn from others. When we have children like this we cannot parent them the way we parent our other children. It is almost a complete reversal. When they are addicts whatever we do for them allows them to continue living that lifestyle. It is enabling. It is a tightrope. Fortunately my son never wanted to couch surf or life on the streets so he chose rehab. Although some say it doesn't help if they don't want to be there I feel that it does help. Any time they are in rehab they are sober and they are learning about their addiction. The seed is planted. He is safe. Continue to educate yourself on this disease and get help for yourself. Yes, block that father in law. He has no idea what he's talking about. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
Coping with detachment and no contact with 20 yo son
Top