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Court case is over and Bart isnt happy
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 741780" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>My son is no longer the person he was. He was the kindest and most loving of children. People experience him as kind. They think it is M and I who are the problem. We must be because J is so wonderful. Until eventually J shows what he has hidden beneath his well-educated, polite, warm and kind exterior. More and more he is living from this hidden part, which is selfish, reactive and manipulative.</p><p></p><p>He will have to choose who he wants to be.</p><p></p><p>M today is talking about J coming back. He says it will soon be wet and cold where he is and he will be wanting to come home to the apartment. M is working hard there to get it ready for J to come back.</p><p></p><p>I said to him: I<em> do not want him back. I do not want to live like that any more. J does not even give 5%. Even 5% is too much for him to give. Actually, give is the wrong word. All we asked is that he consider our point of view 5% and how we experience what he does.</em></p><p></p><p>M said: <em>You are his mother. All I am saying is that we need to prepare for when he calls, when he comes back. We do not have to decide upon anything but we need to have options.</em></p><p></p><p>I am filled with dread. I had told my son: <em>you need a program.</em> I believe that if we accept him back without his having done one thing to help himself (I know M will require he be clean of drugs, but is that enough? Not to me. 15 days to clear the marijuana. If that is all he is using. But how does anybody change in 15 days? I guess part of me wants to think like M, that suffering could motivate J to want to change. But once he comes back, the motivation to change ends, unless there is a real deep pivot. A change in orientation.</p><p></p><p>So. I guess I will try to put this in the back of my brain. Let M get ready. And leave myself in neutral focused upon myself.</p><p></p><p>Thanks for sharing your thread, SWOT.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 741780, member: 18958"] My son is no longer the person he was. He was the kindest and most loving of children. People experience him as kind. They think it is M and I who are the problem. We must be because J is so wonderful. Until eventually J shows what he has hidden beneath his well-educated, polite, warm and kind exterior. More and more he is living from this hidden part, which is selfish, reactive and manipulative. He will have to choose who he wants to be. M today is talking about J coming back. He says it will soon be wet and cold where he is and he will be wanting to come home to the apartment. M is working hard there to get it ready for J to come back. I said to him: I[I] do not want him back. I do not want to live like that any more. J does not even give 5%. Even 5% is too much for him to give. Actually, give is the wrong word. All we asked is that he consider our point of view 5% and how we experience what he does.[/I] M said: [I]You are his mother. All I am saying is that we need to prepare for when he calls, when he comes back. We do not have to decide upon anything but we need to have options.[/I] I am filled with dread. I had told my son: [I]you need a program.[/I] I believe that if we accept him back without his having done one thing to help himself (I know M will require he be clean of drugs, but is that enough? Not to me. 15 days to clear the marijuana. If that is all he is using. But how does anybody change in 15 days? I guess part of me wants to think like M, that suffering could motivate J to want to change. But once he comes back, the motivation to change ends, unless there is a real deep pivot. A change in orientation. So. I guess I will try to put this in the back of my brain. Let M get ready. And leave myself in neutral focused upon myself. Thanks for sharing your thread, SWOT. [/QUOTE]
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Court case is over and Bart isnt happy
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