"I am tired of his life. even if I step back, I cannot avoid knowing where he is headed. who wants that for their son? Ant already owes thousands to two other counties, he will owe thousands to this one as well. he can barely pay his rent now let alone more fine pyts of several hundred dollars per month. when he gets out, he will have an even bigger hill to climb. I will store his possessions and furniture, so at least this time he will have that."
I heard you Janet. I wish Ant would wake up and realize the decision to drink is not one he can afford. I so hear your mommy heart hurting for what will be. I felt the same way the day I took my oldest difficult child to turn himself in a year and half ago. I knew the horrible tales. And even when I visited him in County he had outbursts and threatend suicide etc. I had to walk away and leave at times in tears headed to an Al anon meeting. Somehow someway that 20 year old of mine has survived and seeing him just a few weeks ago reminded me that he is stronger than I realized...I think Ant is too. He will survive and I don't know WHY things must happen as they do. My easy child always says "things happen for a reason"...she always has faith that even the "bad" can be turned into good. We never know what "may have happend" otherwise.
I hold onto that...I always want my son alive and still reasonably healthy enough to start over...no matter how big the hill to climb. I wish this same for Ant. I think maybe this could be G-ds way of preventing something even far worse than is.
You and Ant are loved by many.
Tammy
