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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 758078" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>For each of us and all of us it's one day at a time. In the time I have been here on this forum I have changed in terms of how close in I will be with my son and how close in I let him to me. And I have let go in terms of what my expectations are of him, and how much responsibility I take in his life.</p><p></p><p>My son has lived in a home I own too. Actually I bought it so that he would not have to live anymore with me. Except experience has taught me that I can't bear his trashing that other house either. And there are decent tenants in the front house, too, and I don't want him running them off. So. We change. But I vacillate. I won't lie.</p><p></p><p>You are still chosing to have this overlap with her. The house, for example, is a choice. Going over there was a choice. You knew on some level what you would find. I am not judging here. I am only saying the same thing as you are. That as long as we choose to dance with them, there will be stepping on our feet.</p><p></p><p>I may choose to let my son back home. And then I will be (again) in the same spot as are you. I can't say I won't do this. I am thinking about it, actually, because my son is having problems where he is living in a city a couple of hours from me. He can't seem to live with people without conflict. And then when I allow him home, my own life becomes conflict-ridden. It has been peaceful and serene for me since he has been away. Why am I contemplating this? Because I am in the same boat as you.</p><p></p><p>I am sorry it is so hard and that there is no entirely good answer for us. Each road has its set of problems. I wish it was different for us.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 758078, member: 18958"] For each of us and all of us it's one day at a time. In the time I have been here on this forum I have changed in terms of how close in I will be with my son and how close in I let him to me. And I have let go in terms of what my expectations are of him, and how much responsibility I take in his life. My son has lived in a home I own too. Actually I bought it so that he would not have to live anymore with me. Except experience has taught me that I can't bear his trashing that other house either. And there are decent tenants in the front house, too, and I don't want him running them off. So. We change. But I vacillate. I won't lie. You are still chosing to have this overlap with her. The house, for example, is a choice. Going over there was a choice. You knew on some level what you would find. I am not judging here. I am only saying the same thing as you are. That as long as we choose to dance with them, there will be stepping on our feet. I may choose to let my son back home. And then I will be (again) in the same spot as are you. I can't say I won't do this. I am thinking about it, actually, because my son is having problems where he is living in a city a couple of hours from me. He can't seem to live with people without conflict. And then when I allow him home, my own life becomes conflict-ridden. It has been peaceful and serene for me since he has been away. Why am I contemplating this? Because I am in the same boat as you. I am sorry it is so hard and that there is no entirely good answer for us. Each road has its set of problems. I wish it was different for us. [/QUOTE]
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