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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 741063" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Copa...I am so sorry again for what you went through. You were ever so kind and loving. I know you suffered very much.</p><p></p><p>This woman has no choice. If I had wanted to care for my abusive mother I would have had no choice either. She HAS to work. And caring for Mom is a full time job. I never would have had the money to tske Mother in and taken care of her, even if she had been the kindest mother on earth. I would not have had the resources to do so. It would have made me very sad but I could not have done it. Even my rich brother and nearby sister could not keep her in their homes for their own reasons, partly work!! I never thought they should have. She was not in her right mind.</p><p></p><p>I think this daughter should do the apoligizing for her disrespect of her mother and for boldly accusing her mother of lying about what she was going to do with her mother on her birthday. How nasty is it to say "I dont believe you!" Ick and terrible. Even Bart never said that to me. Thats calling her mother a liar and yet she was telling the truth. Makes me sick! She is treating her mother like garbage. Its not normal. Its mean and cruel.</p><p></p><p>Our sons should apologize to us too. (Yeah right). But should we apologize to them for how they treat us? Believe it or not I did this so many times to Bart!!! He wasnt the only one but he was the last one I apologized to him for making him yell at me lol. Yes, it was close to that! Really!</p><p></p><p>I was up one very recent night throwing up from his stress. I knew then that this was bad for me...I had to lower the hammer or keep getting sick from these yelling, swearing, screaming, horrid conversations. And they could happen three times a day.</p><p></p><p> I remember being by the toilet that night thinking that other people need and love me....my youngest is getting married....i have a granddaughter who lights up my life, my creative, magical daughter ....I have a younger son whose smile fills my world and a husband who has big loving plans for us...I am dearly loved. I cant let my oldest son kill me with stress. He is welcome to talk to me anytime....if he will be kind. No apology needed. Kindness necessary though.</p><p></p><p>I dont think we should apologize to those who wrong us. It doesnt accomplish anything and usually leads to even worse treatment from those we apologize to. Apologists and pleasers like us get stepped on. I know for me, I have apoligized to someone who was mean to me for the last time.</p><p></p><p>Trust me, I have tried pleading, begging and groveling at it's most pathetic level! You havent lived until you write your VERY abusive mother a love letter telling her that everything between the two of you that went bad was your own fault and she was not at fault for anything and that I just wanted her love. And I was sorry that I was so bad too!! Yes, I wrote this to her and in many ways and more than just one time...nothing melted her icy heart. Wasted apology but also not one that should have been given. I was wrong to have sent it.</p><p></p><p>This demeaning of myself, this lie apology, never worked for anyone I tried it on and it ruined my self esteem. When you get aling lovingly with simebody tou really dint find yourself needing to apoligize and when you do it comes from your soul.</p><p></p><p>But we all do what we must do. You are very kind</p><p></p><p>Love and light!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 741063, member: 1550"] Copa...I am so sorry again for what you went through. You were ever so kind and loving. I know you suffered very much. This woman has no choice. If I had wanted to care for my abusive mother I would have had no choice either. She HAS to work. And caring for Mom is a full time job. I never would have had the money to tske Mother in and taken care of her, even if she had been the kindest mother on earth. I would not have had the resources to do so. It would have made me very sad but I could not have done it. Even my rich brother and nearby sister could not keep her in their homes for their own reasons, partly work!! I never thought they should have. She was not in her right mind. I think this daughter should do the apoligizing for her disrespect of her mother and for boldly accusing her mother of lying about what she was going to do with her mother on her birthday. How nasty is it to say "I dont believe you!" Ick and terrible. Even Bart never said that to me. Thats calling her mother a liar and yet she was telling the truth. Makes me sick! She is treating her mother like garbage. Its not normal. Its mean and cruel. Our sons should apologize to us too. (Yeah right). But should we apologize to them for how they treat us? Believe it or not I did this so many times to Bart!!! He wasnt the only one but he was the last one I apologized to him for making him yell at me lol. Yes, it was close to that! Really! I was up one very recent night throwing up from his stress. I knew then that this was bad for me...I had to lower the hammer or keep getting sick from these yelling, swearing, screaming, horrid conversations. And they could happen three times a day. I remember being by the toilet that night thinking that other people need and love me....my youngest is getting married....i have a granddaughter who lights up my life, my creative, magical daughter ....I have a younger son whose smile fills my world and a husband who has big loving plans for us...I am dearly loved. I cant let my oldest son kill me with stress. He is welcome to talk to me anytime....if he will be kind. No apology needed. Kindness necessary though. I dont think we should apologize to those who wrong us. It doesnt accomplish anything and usually leads to even worse treatment from those we apologize to. Apologists and pleasers like us get stepped on. I know for me, I have apoligized to someone who was mean to me for the last time. Trust me, I have tried pleading, begging and groveling at it's most pathetic level! You havent lived until you write your VERY abusive mother a love letter telling her that everything between the two of you that went bad was your own fault and she was not at fault for anything and that I just wanted her love. And I was sorry that I was so bad too!! Yes, I wrote this to her and in many ways and more than just one time...nothing melted her icy heart. Wasted apology but also not one that should have been given. I was wrong to have sent it. This demeaning of myself, this lie apology, never worked for anyone I tried it on and it ruined my self esteem. When you get aling lovingly with simebody tou really dint find yourself needing to apoligize and when you do it comes from your soul. But we all do what we must do. You are very kind Love and light! [/QUOTE]
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